[BrokenDecadance]

I appologize ahead of time for the length. There's just somethings that need to be said out loud, rather than just toying around with it in my head.

I have never been officially diagnosed with it, just myself believing so.

I'll admit it. And I guess admiting it is a big first step. I believe I have a sexual addiction. I've researched the subject, not nessicarily extensively, enough to know that it's a very real, very likely possibility.

I've just turned nineteen, and I've only just lost my virginity this past June. I went to a party of about six people. Alcohol being involved. I let everyone crash at my apartment. And things happened between me and an old friend that I knew a bit from high school. He was in a predicament where he ould only be out with people on the weekends. After that weekend and had a discusison and decided that going out would be good. At the time, I thought even if it's only the weekends, it's better than not even having anyone. As time went on, I started seeing him less and less. But I held on to him as much as could (good month of not seeing him before realizing that it's not a relationship I want).
But right after I got in a relationship with a fantastic man. He gives me everything a relationship should be. Yada, yada, yada. He knows that I've cheated on my ex. He's also told me that he wouldn't be nessicarily mad if I cheated on him. And I didn't, until my birthday, Friday. It was bunch of people at my place. And things happened. Things that I knew souldn't have happened. What's worse is that it was one, and then another one right after. Talk about degrading.

I don't want to, but I still do.
It's like an impulse. If it's there, I will.
I only think about it after.
And when I do, I always feel horrible and degraded.
I don't want to sleep arouond on people.
I care about my boyfriend quite a bit.
And when I do that, I know that it'll hurt him.
It hurts me even more when I do.
I know, I'm young, I'm only nineteen.
Too young to form an addiction like that?
I don't believe so.
I just want to stop it before it does.

you aren't too young to form the addiction. you are OLD enough to find a therapist and get to the bottom of why you're letting yourself do the things you're doing.

you're in risk of becoming pregnant (if you aren't using BC) and getting an STD. not to mention the emotional stress this is putting you through.

please keep me updated. and please, please, seek counseling while you can get a handle on this. pat

[BrokenDecadance]

I have thought about therapist, for other aspects of my life.
There's just been a few factors in my way.
1.) Insurance. I don't have any and paying for it on my own is unimaginable.
2.) My parents. Even though I'm nineteen, the idea of me going to a therapist would be illogical to them.

I also that there a few contributing fators to why I do it.
1.) I was molested when I was four in preschool by a teacher.
2.) My parents were, so to say, very overbarring of me when I was younger. I was never allowed to experience a healthy relationship because of it.

I just know I want to stop.

[Pita]

You should check around - a lot of therapy places have a sliding scale based on abiity or lack of ability to pay.

therapy here in Texas is $10...Ph.D in psychology. find a mental health clinic and it doesn't make any difference how much you make. you can find therapy, if you want it and put a little work into it.

you really do need to deal with the molestation by the teacher. good luck.....you're never too old to deal with old issues.

[BrokenDecadance]

I think I will start looking into it Tuesday.

Because I just want to, no need to, get everything out.