[brooke34]

Is it possible to experience stockholm syndrome from a bad relationship??

[MessyD]

Yes, from what I understand, when it comes to relationships, it can happen to someone who has been in an abusive relationship for a long time

[~Christina]

Yes, happens more often than talked about.

Are you safe ?

[brooke34]

Yes I'm safe. It's been a week since I left. There's been a few times that I've left in the past and the feelings that I've been experiencing this week, I always felt those times too so it would usually only take a day or two for those feelings to make me go running back begging for forgiveness for leaving in the first place.

My mind tells me that I need to stay away, he is poison. My heart isn't much of a factor in this because I don't really feel any love for him and haven't really in a few years.

Yet, I feel this compulsive need to be there for him and to be with him to the point that I've gone home every night after work to have supper ready and waiting for him when he gets there even though I'm gone before he gets there. I get angry and defensive when others are speaking ill of him even though in my mind I know that everything they are saying is true.

I feel like i'm completely crazy.

[Erebos]

Take your time, and be gentle with yourself. I have no idea if your able to get professional help. Please seek someone with a specialty in spousal abuse.

Your not crazy. Your trained. Years of ingrained behaviour does not vanish over night, no matter how illogical it seems.
Maybe you could start by not going back for just one evening a week. If this seems like too much even don't punish yourself. Just wait a little while and try again.

When your ready seek support from those who have been through similar things.

And if your able keep talking. Well done for speaking up here, and asking your question. Hopefully you will find others .

Take care of yourself.