Why do you think my friend isn't answering?

I last spent time with this friend Janurary 19th. So a few weeks ago. We have been friends since we were 9. We are in this age range(16-20). We have never fought before, her and her parents actually just moved back to my state after them living in another one(they moved back in December). I have never spoken about my gender idenity and my social anxiety with this friend before, and I have a funny feeling both of those could be why she has not been returning any of my messages. When we were hanging out together at the mall, I felt my social anxiety go up super high I rarely talked but I did every once in a while we were there. I got mistaken as the opposite gender a few times at the mall and I think that may have made my friend mad(I don't know why it would? It doesn't really bother me all too much when people make mistakes) and what could of also bothered her was me not talking as much. She has been posting pictures of her on social media with her and her other friends. She has been leaving my messages on "read"(and I'm not even texting her alot or everyday just once every other week). Why do you think she is doing this?

Hi, TheBoredOne! First, let me tell you that you sound like a great person. Caring so much about your friend is an awesome thing.

There are a few possibilities, in my opinion, why this person isn't answering your messages. Perhaps they are busy with things in their life that are taking a lot of their time and energy, so they don't want to just answer shallowly, maybe they are just taking their time to answer.

What is very important for you to realize is that there is nothing wrong with you. You are very young and being uncertain of things is normal. You will figure them out at your own pace and there is no need to feel pressured or strange.

At this age, 16-20, people are developing their identities and many friendships change, as the people themselves change. It is normal and healthy. As you grow, some people will become estranged, because they are not right for you. I am 29 years old now and I too have renounced friendships that were no longer right for me. So should you if anyone disrespects you or does not show you affection.

Don't stress too much about this friend. Focus un your awesome self and what is good FOR YOU. Most importantly, love and respect yourself for who you are and give yourself time to think, figure stuff out, enjoy life. You are truly your most precious asset and trust me, you can achieve so much by just believing in yourself.

I don't think this friend has a problem with the issues you are dealing with. Perhaps you are insecure and you tend to project them. It is normal! I am a lot older than you, and I still do this ocassionally...

My advice is that you write to them again, in a neutral tone, asking them if they are fine because you are a little worried about them since they have not answered. If they do not answer, or answer in a way that is not suitable, let them be. Perhaps they are not mature enough to feel empathy, and this means that they need to grow up.

When I was in my tweens, my best-friend stopped going out with me because she found a girl who her family approved of more. She came from a rich family and could help my friend climb up the social ladder. I felt very hurt for a while, like I was not good enough, but then I realized that she was just being shallow and there was nothing wrong with me. I found other friends across the years, and even some of those friends went away. It's a natural process and you must see it as such.

Take care of yourself! Hope this feedback helped at least a little! I'm not an expert, just an ordinary person.

What if you asked her in one of your texts?

Perhaps she's catching up with other old friends and family since shea moved back recently...

Or maybe your silence made her think you two no longer have much in common...

Unless she knows you to be the silent type, then idk.

I've slowly drifted away from friends who I've felt we no longer shared much common ground, it was just a natural ending of a friendship, or a beginning of a new dynamic. It wasn't personal.

If you really need to know though, call her, ask her if she's ok and if there's a specific reason she hasn't been in contact.

My sister and I were always best friends. She always knew about my difficulties, but when two years ago I had a complete mental breakdown, I disappeared off the radar. When I reamerged I messaged her, told her what I had gone through and my diagnosis, receiving a lukewarm short response, then stopped answering altogether. I finally asked her why, and she said simply 'I don't know what to say...' I also realized that life doesn't stand still for people not in crisis like it does for many of us suffering, and they simply move on; new friends, boyfriends, jobs. I realized also that one of our symptoms of GAD and depression make us think negatively and, yes, that word our therapists love to use, catastrophically. I really hope your friend comes to feel comfortable with you again. I'd just bet it will happen, given time. If not, find others that will accept you as you are and can see what is truly special about you. Good luck!

From what you say ("this friend" for instance) you don't quite identify her as a close person to you.
From my experience, friendships based on fun are mostly distant at its core. Adding elements such as confiding can greatly alter relationships, from better to worse. However, this can deepen relationships and give them deeper meaning.
When you confide something about yourself, you give a chance for another person to talk about something that is also on their heart, too.
It breaks yet another ice in relationships between people, binding them further.
I like to call "fun" an escape, or a "drug" from things we hold inside.

Sometimes when we hide something inside, our behavior changes. For people with a flowing relationship, a changing behavior can easily feel as a change in the relationship.

I will summarize with a metaphor I just wrote:
Relationships are like a mine - If you focus on the gold, it will run out quickly. But if you pay attention to everything else inside, you'll be there forever.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Have you and your friend talked about your gender identity? She may not want to step on your toes or offend you in any way. She just may not know how to handle those situations in a way that makes you feel comfortable. Have you tried talking to her?