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#1
Feb 26, 2017, 02:48 AM
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What do you do when you have a big crush on someone OTHER than your significant other? I still want to stay married and I don't want to tell my husband, but I love spending time with my crush, who is one of my best friends (it just gradually evolved into a crush, no intentions to act out on my feelings, either).
What do I do? Stop spending time with my friend? Keep acting like everything is normal and tell nobody about my feelings? My intuition is to just keep acting like everything is normal, just be friends like normal, and the feelings will pass. What do you think?
__________________
...Out of night and alarm Out of terrible dreams Reach me your hand! This is the meaning that we suffered in sleep: The white peace of the waking. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay, "Song of the Nations"~ Diagnoses: Bipolar 2, OCD, Chronic Worrywart  Meds: Lithium (reducing), Trileptal, Latuda, Risperdal, Klonopin and Xanax PRN |
 Anonymous50284, MickeyCheeky
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#2
Feb 26, 2017, 03:07 AM
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Just be careful that it doesn't become something more of a crush.. you might have problems in the future if this happened.
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#3
Feb 26, 2017, 08:41 AM
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My understanding is that a high percentage of crushes end by themselves over time and do not have bad effects unless they become a major issue with one's significant other.
Therefore, I think that going with your intuition makes sense as a first thing to try. In addition, you could decide to be in contact the friend somewhat less. In other words, you wouldn't just stop being in contact with this person, but maybe cut back a little for the time being? It is another option to look at. |
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#4
Feb 26, 2017, 10:38 AM
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You said you want to be still married, but you didn't say how is your husband and your marriage, if you are happy or not in your marriage?
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#5
Feb 26, 2017, 03:17 PM
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It's possible the feelings will pass. It's also possible the feelings will become more intense and lead to greater temptation. You have to decide if you are okay with taking that risk. Would your husband be okay with you taking that risk if he knew?
Also, think if the situation was reversed. What if your husband had a close female friend and developed a crush on her? Would you consider it harmless and assume it would pass? What actions would you hope he would take? Another thing to consider is the setting in which you spend time with your crush. Are you always in company with others when you socialize? Or do you tend to spend time alone together? Personally, I wouldn't want my wife to spend time with another man that she was developing feelings for. Especially if they had a long history of friendship together. It's too easy for friendship to become something more. I would venture that most romantic relationships begin that way in fact. I realize a crush can seem harmless but it is still a risk especially with someone you trust and feel comfortable with.
__________________
An old Cherokee told his grandson, "My son, there is a battle between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, jealousy, inferiority, lies, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth." The boy thought about it and asked, "Grandfather, which wolf wins?" The old man quietly replied, "The one you feed." A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor. Be curious, not judgmental. |
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#6
Feb 26, 2017, 06:13 PM
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So...are you married or did you and your spouse merely sign a piece of paper and have a party?
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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