Lying, Paranoia and Inability to Tell What's Real

MtnTime2896 · Feb 26, 2017, 02:55 AM

Everyone lies, at least in my experience. They can be small, few and far in between.

I'm to a point of paranoia now where I think everyone is lying to me, about something. I don't believe my friends when they say that they want to hang out with me for any other reason than pity. I'm starting to believe less and less that my fiance actually loves me, rather than feeling obligated to taking care of my jacked up mind. I sure as hell don't believe his family when they're trying to be nice to me. It's a front for my fiance. I know they talk behind my back, tell him that I'm no good. They're right, but at least be straight up with me. People at restaurants stare at me in disgust because I'm so ugly. Some want to hurt me and I don't know why, probably because I deserve it. My friends are probably just toying with me, like a mouse with a ball of string. My fiance is probably either cheating or going to. And me? I deserve every ****ing thing that's happening. If it is. I'm battling so hard to tell which is true and which is my paranoia. I could ask, but I don't know if I can trust anyone.

If everyone's already lied to me before, what's stopping them now?

MickeyCheeky · Feb 26, 2017, 03:05 AM

When you have mental illness/depression, it's hard to see any of the good things that people say about you.. so it's obvious you think those people must be crazy, or lying. I'm confident this is a problem of self-esteem and self-worth, although it could be wrong. Believe me when I say that you matter and you deserve the care and love you're getting. Hope you'll be able to see it one day

Feb 26, 2017, 07:09 AM

Só leigheas,

We are just PC friends which is a little different that IRL friends but I am being truthful when I say that it seems like, based on your posts, you are still extremely mentally ill. It is not your fault. You have gone through a lot. It is possible that you can recover from your MI but it is just going to take time. I did not start recovering until I became willing to accept help. I said to myself, even if they feel sorry for me, I need all the help I can get so I am not going to worry about what their complex motivations are. Instead I just reacted to how they treated me in the present moment. You will only recover if you can learn to trust some of the people in your life. It can be scary to trust but when people are nice to you, but work on trying to just accept it, not distrust it. Without help, you will not recover. Try to be grateful that they made a kind gesture. I know it is hard for you because you have been hurt many times. <<<hugs>>>

Fuzzybear · Feb 26, 2017, 11:48 AM

I wish I had some wise words... my thoughts aren't translating into words. There are many horrible cruel people in this world it's true, and I think you're right, most if not all people have lied at some time (or are always brutally "honest"

... there's an old saying about that one

)

I often feel like Papa Bear's family don't value me - why would they, the "family" of origin didn't and don't

Thinking of you

hobo2000 · Feb 26, 2017, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

Everyone lies, at least in my experience. They can be small, few and far in between.

I'm to a point of paranoia now where I think everyone is lying to me, about something. I don't believe my friends when they say that they want to hang out with me for any other reason than pity. I'm starting to believe less and less that my fiance actually loves me, rather than feeling obligated to taking care of my jacked up mind. I sure as hell don't believe his family when they're trying to be nice to me. It's a front for my fiance. I know they talk behind my back, tell him that I'm no good. They're right, but at least be straight up with me. People at restaurants stare at me in disgust because I'm so ugly. Some want to hurt me and I don't know why, probably because I deserve it. My friends are probably just toying with me, like a mouse with a ball of string. My fiance is probably either cheating or going to. And me? I deserve every ****ing thing that's happening. If it is. I'm battling so hard to tell which is true and which is my paranoia. I could ask, but I don't know if I can trust anyone.

If everyone's already lied to me before, what's stopping them now?

I go through the same things! I can't tell the difference between what I'm thinking and what is going on and it's been like that since I was about nine years old which is when I was diagnosed with Depression and given my first anti-depressant. I think we might have a severe Anxiety or Depression problem that has manifested into a psychosis where we can't tell what's make believe and what's really happening. Relating to others is hard when you feel crazy and it's hard to relate to others.

I hope you feel better soon.