[rdgrad15]

I am one of those people that if someone says something very rude and then just say they are being honest, I don't believe them. I assume, unless proven otherwise, that they are just lying and are trying to be rude. For example, I once had someone in my dorm room say that my room smelled really bad. And she mad it sound so awful and even used her shirt to cover her nose. Meanwhile no one else has ever said anything. And my roommate was a clean freak like me so I know he would have said something.

If she or someone else had said something politely then I would have taken what they said into consideration. Another example is when an acquaintance was jealous that I was friends with some other people she was not friends with. She got very mad at me and even called me fake and said that they really don't like me and that they're just using me. I am pretty good at knowing if someone is using me so I knew she was lying. After she said that, she said she was being honest and trying to be a true friend.

I don't think she was. She was just being rude on my opinion. Is there a reason people do this? Is it to inflate their own egos? Do they take enjoyment at being overly rude? How do you deal with these kinds of people. I find these kinds of people to be arrogant, stuck up, rude, and even selfish. I don't stand for it. Yes you can be honest, but it can be done politely.

I actually don't believe people who are rude and are saying they are just being honest and trying to help. Because, in my opinion, they are not. They are just trying to bring others down to build themselves up. Also, what would do say to someone who is acting this way? Just curious on how other people handle it. I sometimes say something but other times I ignore it. All depends.

[Erebos]

Those examples aren't really someone being brutally honest, it's just being rude.

Being brutally honest, is telling you best friend that that dress they love,just doesn't suit them.

Or the expensive new hair cut they got is....awful.
Is telling your tone deaf sister to just stop going on x factor because she cannot hit a note.

Telling the woman who just came out of the toilets her skirt is caught in her knickers.

Brutally honest, is not the same as being plain rude.

Sorry you have encountered these idiots though.
All the best.

She was talking pheromones and wants to get into your pants.

[seesaw]

Is there really a degree of honesty? I mean either you are being honest or not. There is no brutality to it. So when someone tells me they are being "brutally honest" I do take that to mean that while they are giving me their honest opinion, it's also a biased opinion.

Also remember that honesty is based on perception. If I show you a blue-green color, you might say honestly that it's green, while I honestly say it's blue. Honesty does not mean it's truth, it just means it's your perception of what occurred without being false.

Someone telling you that your friends are just using you, and saying it because they are a true friend and want to be honest with you...I don't know if that's being honest or not. It really depends on how they say it. I could imagine warning another friend that it seems like their new friends might be using them...but I wouldn't be mean about it, if anything I'd be very gentle about it because I wouldn't want to hurt their feelings.

Seesaw

The problem with "brutal honesty" is that some people enjoy the "brutal" part more than the "honest part. The question to ask yourself when confronted with a rude person who claims their rudeness is really just them being blunt or honest, is to question their motivation first.

1. Is their feedback factually correct? Or just their rude opinion?
2. Is their goal to hurt your feelings, or to protect your feelings?

The brutually honest person may claim they observe something about your appearance or situation that you are oblivious to. But you need to discern for yourself if they have your best intentions at heart, or, if they're just being a jerk because they know how to push your buttons and manipulate you emotionally.

True friends have the ability to be directly honest with you, because they have your best interests at heart. They want you to improve and grow.

If you can't be honest with yourself, then anyone's criticism or observations of you will put you on the defensive. But, once you are confident in yourself and don't care what other people say about you behind your back (or to your face), then other people's criticisms won't bother you.

Oscar Wilde said, "true friends stab you in the front." True friends can walk into your dorm room and bluntly tell you, "wow your dorm room stinks! how long's it been since you did laundry?" Then they will laugh or tease you about it. But my point is, you already know they mean you no harm because there's established trust and respect already between you two. But if an acquaintance or stranger makes the same comment, and you feel embarrassed or insecure, then of course you'll be on the defensive.

Brutal honesty is a process - it's neither good nor bad. But rude is just plain rude. There's a huge difference. Hope that helps.

I think it is all about how people say what they think is the truth or their point of view. You can say the same thing in two different ways and get two different responses.

I wouldn't trust "brutally honest" people.
From my experience they're lonely people who try to "save" someone or "show the light" so you'll be drawn to them instead. They're creating anxiety, worries and dread of others to get more attention from you.

If you have bad feelings about those people, I'd advise to steer clear of them. They seem to only annoy you, no point in getting closer, as one tried to steer you away from your other friends.

They're using "truth" and "savior" attitudes to give you a feeling they're safe, but they're actually trying to put you on their terms.
They are not honesty and they are not truth, so I know what you mean when you sense arrogance.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

I wouldn't trust "brutally honest" people.
From my experience they're lonely people who try to "save" someone or "show the light" so you'll be drawn to them instead. They're creating anxiety, worries and dread of others to get more attention from you.

If you have bad feelings about those people, I'd advise to steer clear of them. They seem to only annoy you, no point in getting closer, as one tried to steer you away from your other friends.

They're using "truth" and "savior" attitudes to give you a feeling they're safe, but they're actually trying to put you on their terms.
They are not honesty and they are not truth, so I know what you mean when you sense arrogance.

Exactly. If someone was being truthful in a polite way, then I would take what they say into consideration. Like, instead of being so dramatic about the smell of a dorm room, if it really did smell, then she could have been nicer and say there was an odd odor in the room and suggest that I'd use air freshener. I would be more accepting of that.

For the acquaintance trying to steer me away from other friends, I really think she was just trying to play the savior card due to loneliness like you said. If we had been very close friends and then she said something and explained why she felt that way and was nice about it, then I would have taken it into consideration. But she was rude about it. And she did it with basically every person I hung out with. A couple people did use me, but there were some that didn't. And me and her were not close so she really had no say in who I should be friends with.