[Sfumato]

Hi,
Can someone give me advice? I recently went on a first date and once it was over, I enjoyed the evening and his company but I was in two minds as to whether I liked him enough...Its hard to explain... It was nice but it wasn't great, ya know? I haven't dated that many people and my relationships have been with people I was friends with first, so it was always comfortable... Am I being unfair to this person? My last relationship was not so good and from now on i want to be sure of my decisions....

Any advice about this ????
s.

[heidu]

It's pretty hard to tell from a first date what someone is like or if you really are interested in them. If they didn't totally turn you off than maybe it's worth a second date just to see what happens. If you don't try you will never know. If you try you can break it off whenever you feel comfy.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.
Heidu

[Sfumato]

Thanks - just haven't been on a date for awhile, so its a bit strange!!!!

[Zenobia]

Here is an interesting thought that I have heard repeatedly on Love Line. If you are crazy about someone on your first date chances are they are the wrong person for you because we seek out people who will continue the cycles of trauma in our lives. I like to think we do that because we are supposed to learn something in this life so we keep repeating the lessons over and over again. If that isn't the case it is because we are just stupid apes. Anyway, my first gut feeling was "Nah, if you didn't feel any electricity then it probably won't work." Then I thought about love line and changed my mind. If you like the guy and he is nice and you had a good time--which is sounded like you did--go out with him a few more times and see what develops.
Take care, have fun,
Zen

<font color=blue>I was always looking outside myself for strength and confidence but, it comes from within. It is there all the time.--Anna Freud

[splash]

Hi, s.

Welcome to the forums!

I agree with heidu and Zen, plus a couple things you said in your post also has me thinking that additional dates would be good.

First, you "enjoyed the evening and his company." So, "it was nice" but not "great". Can I ask what your expectations were for the evening? I know that for myself, if I expect the world and I don't get it, I can feel a little disappointed. I've been dating a few new people lately myself, and I've set my level of expectation at just having an okay time, and if anything more comes of it, then that's great.

Although it's probably too early to tell, do you have any sense of how this person feels? If he's looking forward to another date, then I say go for it. What's the worse that could happen? You could make a new friend. And since you feel more comfortable with friends, then who knows what could happen.

I also think that sometimes people mistake the rush of infatuation for something more, like love, when in fact it's just a high. Being head over heels for someone is fun, but not long-lasting, whereas being friends with someone can also be fun and long-lasting.

I would give it some time, have some fun activity dates, something you both enjoy and can relax, and take your time.

Best wishes...

splash

[jsc1972]

you may never be sure about your feelings...that is what dating is for, to experience things together with someone until the feelings become more "sure"....then you either move on or closer....either way, it's a risk. people who are not willing to risk that, stay alone.

<font color=purple> But a stranger in a strange land, he is no one:
men know him not and to know not is to care not for.
Bram Stoker, Dracula, 1897 </font color=purple>

[Sfumato]

Thanks a million for all your advice. I'll let you know how it goes,

Take care,

S.