[st0rmy]

I fell now that what I done was wrong and I should not have tried to get intouch with my estranged and angry family but you know how it goes,it bugs you so much that you have to.I do this every once in a while and it's starting to frustrate me because I get hurt so bad that my protective coping skills come in and I hide from the world.

So I picked up the phone and called my daughter,really wanted to know if she will accept my offer of spending some time with me over the festive season(we are far apart both physically and emotionally)I am to blame for that but I have tried on many occassions with no comeback from the otherside.It's little things like that that keep me going,one hand washes the other.Anyway,she told me the line was bad and I called on the house phone.My son answered and I spoke to him for a while and then asked for her.He came back saying that she is busy,she said so.Now that hurt!!!I know that I'm not really part of their lives but I keep trying to reach out and no-one reaches back.Am I being selfish and only thinking about myself again?Why give me the impression that you'd like to talk and then have no time?Is it just payback?!

So I asked if I could speak to one of my sisters,sorry,I'm rambling but need to get it out somehow...
Now I haven't spoken to her over a year,inbetween the other years that I have been on my own trips,back and forth.To me it seemed that I always chose certian people to talk to and never got the right response so,I decided to try another route and boy was I not ready for what she had to say.She told me how she felt and what she thought about me and what I'm doing to my kids,I know that all and am really coming to terms now,I let her go,feeling that she herself needed to get things off her chest but ended up getting very defensive when she really started putting me down.The call ended on a not so good call and I felt frustrated,betrayed,manipulated,angry all over again but I did have the decency to ask her if she was feeling any better,getting that off her chest and she said she doesn't care what I think.It never ended good and I'm not really sure how she will take it with time but my thoughts are if you have done so much wrong and that is all they remember and all they see,how do you build up a relationship,your selfesteem,gain forgiveness when you are looking for acceptance and no-one(who you want to care)cares?

Should I once again,leave them be to get over it or should I pester them until they really have no choice in the matter,which means I either once again,abandon my kids or let my family twist this again to make me look bad.There just seems to be no right outcome!!!
HELP...
St0rmy

[meander]

(((Stormy)))

sounds rough! I'm a little bit confused as to exactly what's going on, but sometimes family can be unkind, and in some extreme cases, the best thing to do for your own health and peace of mind is just to leave them alone. I don't know if that's the right thing here though... Just remember that you have to look after yourself before you deal with others' issues though.

Anyone else have thoughts?

[MyBestKids2]

I imagine it must be quite difficult trying to rekindle a relationship with your family over and over again, just to be knocked down. As Meander said, self care is very important too. Please don't let this situation pull you down.
We are here and care about you!!!

Gentle
Dee

[recluse1]

((((stormy)))) your story is heart breaking and i dont know that there are any right or wrong answers. maybe you should send a letter by mail and tell them what your intentions are. if things are this this strained it may be wise not to put a return address on the outside of the envelope. this way you can say what you need to say without interuption or criticism. and without taking any abuse over the phone from your sister. if your son seems more receptive address the envelope to him. atleast you can say what needs to be said and know that you have tried. i wish you all the best in becoming a family again. you can't make up for the past but you can try to build a future.

recluse1

[Soidhonia]

Hello (((Stormy))). I am sorry that you are struggling at this time. You can always write letters to your family, and that may help heal a lot of the distance and emotional issues going on at this time. The main thing is not to endanger your recovery and writing is safe and less problematic than phone calls. Take care. I hope the best for you in the future. Soidhonia