Quite Alright from Family Flight

How to Deal With Impossible People (with Pictures) - wikiHow

This is very helpful. I am loving WikiHow! I know I got sucked in to being an impossible person somewhat myself because this is my mother I have had to deal with, and a pretty impossible husband.

I love how I am giving myself help on my own thread, lol.

I'm reading this WikiHow every day for help.

I woke up in the middle of the night last night upset, replaying the things my mother hurled at me. The most confusing thing was she said I should realize I am wrong and change to do right. I don't understand what this means. She never clarified. Does it mean forgive her for what she did and let it go? Does she mean keep giving her money? Does it mean asking her to live with me? HELL NO! IDK....

But the string of mean hurts she flung, twisting the facts around to suit her, calling me a bad person.

WikiHow, help me let that go!!!

Tisha before you buy into the emotional disorder diagnosis , make sure in fact that you are not surrounded by assholes

I am an asshole by association

I have to say I only read some of what has gone on that you describe. I can tell you that I relate to it very much so. I won't get into it, so as not to make this about my issues but let's just say I have siblings and a family where I was the black sheep and pretty much any conflict ended up being something that was laid entirely on my shoulders.

Thing is, I haven't talked to them in years and the positive side of that was I was able to find my own way and myself in time. I know it may not be something you're willing to do but I can say that cutting off the toxic people in my life, and by that I mean completely, I was able to break free from the dysfunctional dynamic. It was entirely worth it.

This is something you have been drawn into doing. Unfortunately, this can happen without someone realizing it.

I think before you pick up that phone or have any more conversations with your mother, you should think about what you want when you do try to connect.

It sounds like your mother triangulates in using your other siblings against you. It's a waste of time for you when people do this, they are clearly trying to outnumber you to pull you down so they can feel triumphant. If their goal is focused on a triumph, then they will NEVER consider your feelings and give you the kind respect you deserve.

So think about that before you pick that phone up in "are you setting yourself up" to fail.

That is a good link to reference to. People like to gain control by forming groups. It's part of human nature and sadly often can lead to human dysfunction.

I know some of her traits I have learned from her as well. By being exposed to her bad behavior, I adapted it too.

I like how the article said 'if you are questioning yourself and trying to improve, then you are not the impossible person'. I really am trying to improve.

I called my two sisters today just to say hi and not bring up anything bad. I thought I''d call them once a week for that purpose to stay in touch.

I started out the day upset with my h, as usual, same exact conflict, crazy-making repetition that the two of us play over and over.

But, I suggested he, our son, and I take a ride out of town as it's the end of our son's spring break. It's really nice just walking around and seeing different sights. That's when I am at my best with my h. Unfortunately, our time at home, is not so good. Too much struggle.

We're actually holding hands! My life is really out there!

You know that saying, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks"?

Your mother is set in her ways and you are not going to change that. All you can do is recognize how she has trained "you" and work on changing that.

I have ponies which is part of my business, and my daughter started working with them along with a student and they were constantly giving them carrots. One day I walked into my barn and these ponies were terrible, pawing the floor and fidgeting and getting nippy. My daughter left as she got involved elsewhere and the first thing I did was STOP handfeeding, NO CARROTS, and after a while all the pawing and nipping stopped and they stood on the cross ties well behaved and quiet.

You have to stop feeding your mother "carrots" Tisha. She is too nippy and entitled.

Mom

My family's just a hot bed of control freak narcissists.

Just had the conversation with my sister, asking her why she kicked me when I was down with the 'tough love' email that criticized me for something totally unrelated, just something she could throw at me.

She said it was because I criticized her by saying she was being patronizing and obnoxious. That was the first time in my life I ever criticized her about anything. So she threw at me anything she could and kicked me when I was down, rather than giving me the empathy I pleaded for.

She was harboring bad feelings that I had talked Mom into not moving, which was the plan my sister had made, thus taking control away from my sister! She was mad that I made a deal with Mom without consulting her. She was mad about control and instantly retaliated from criticism (warranted at that) with totally unrelated criticism.

I get it. Clarified. People sure can be shytty.

My whole thinking about that people who say they love me really do love me is not true. They really don't. What does love mean? If they go to hurt you, what is love?

I'm no so alright. I am coping with the end of the relationship with my parents. My aunt never did and never will call. My dad never did call and never will. My mother refused to apologize, instead doubled down calling my h even more abusive names, even lies. And speaking to my sisters is too triggering for me because of this.

I begged my sisters to help make peace, but they both say it's not their business. I told them how much that hurts me, how 'mom's abuse was too much and the rest of the family supports and validates her'.

Oh well...

It's been 5 weeks since the show down. I was told to get over it. "That's just Mom being Mom." My h says in response to that, "That's just Hitler being Hitler!"

I can't and won't ever get over it.

Your family is a shyte sandwich. You can eat it or you can walk away from it, but it will never be anything but a shyte sandwich.

If you want peanut butter and jelly, you have to go someplace else. They dont have pb&j at your family. They just dont.

I know, most other families have pb&j. How come ours dont? Idk. I think they are eating not just pb&j, but chocolate and cake when im not there, but as soon as i show up, out come the shyte sandwiches. I cant prove it, but i suspect it.

There are a lot of us who have stepped away from our families. I dont know why we dont fit into their fantasy of their perfect family. But its empowering to walk away, even if its lonely. Dont let them kick you around anymore.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...ssistic-mother

This is my mother and, if I do have borderline traits, this is NOT me as a mother to my sons!

Except the mother in this article is a novice, way too obvious. My mother is a black belt, ninja at insidiousness.

Yeah, so, my mother, dad, aunt, and sisters have me on their shyt lists and they are on mine. I lost the relationship with my whole family over this, and I am just fine with that.

I really was being scapegoated. I won't allow it. That's that.

What should I do now? Go to Disney World!

The good news is I am getting along much better with h. I don't dare get rid of him now. He has truly stuck by me through thick and thin.

The rest of 'em can take a long walk off a short pier!

You werent put on this earth to be their cinderella (before the ball!). Ya know? Thats what i tell myself. I love the cinderella movie version with ann hathaway. One of the stepsisters is one of my favorite actresses, she used to be on Doc Martin. Plus with minnie driver as the fairy godmother i love her!!!

Enjoy the TRUTH and happiness of your new life. Of not being a scapegoat. We're not goats! Not that theres anything wrong with goats

My mother actually told me I was born so she could keep my father in their marriage. What kind of witch would even tell her child that?