So, this is more for me, than anyone else. I'm not sure if I will have a question for people to answer, but I'd like to write out my experience at church today, to process. If people want to comment, they can..

I started going to a new church. Today was my second time in a row I went there. It's unitarian and seems very open and accepting. I know about it because I go to a meditation group at the same church. My meditation facilitator, and someone I consider a friend, sat with me in the pew today It was so nice. Afterward, she asked how I am, and i felt like I said too much. I was trying to be polite, but I was already overwhelmed by the new environment, and what came out of my mouth sounded negative about my life, like i feel like it sounded "Sad." The truth is, I didn't really want to even talk about it, in that setting. I'm not working, and I really don't know what to say about it other than that. She knows that too. And didn't push me. But I said more about it, and wished i hadn't. It just made me sound pitiful. And I am not pitiful even though I'm not working! I'm working towards working, too. she mentioned she's mad at her family, for voting for trump. I then mentioned that my family voted for trump too (I didn't), but I think we had different views on what is acceptable about that kind of thing. My view: voting for trump is acceptable, (though weird in family conversations sometimes and uncomfortable). Her view seemed to be that voting for trump is not acceptable. She mentioned that I live with my family, so that must be really hard (it is hard, living with my family, but not for that reason really). It's weird, I felt like I had to say that it was difficult for that reason, even though it's not, and I think I was scared about not being accepted by her if i said otherwise. She's really nice, so I don't know why I was scared. It's probably my own issue. Anyway, the conversation sucked. Though, I love this person and think she's such a great meditation facilitator and person.

I think, not working and not having a job, is very much in the forefront of my mind when I talk to people sometimes, about my own life. The lack. Like, how I stack up against others. It shouldn't be that way, I know. I shouldn't feel that way but i guess i do.

You know, I think this is ok. I think...it's just really hard for me to feel good about myself for having a mental health disability right now. It's hard to admit. because I feel so normal. Because I equate disability with less worth. Wow. I never admitted it like that before. It's...I don't think of it like that for other people. I shouldn't see it that way for myself. <3

As you have said, this is about more than church. There have been times when I have been in public settings and things have come up that made me feel different (as in sad like I have a secret that would make me an outcast if the people there only knew). I have been there.

I go to church and pray to forget my troubles and put it all in God's hands. While I have confessed more on this forum than I should--I have never felt like I need to confess anything at church other than that I have fallen way short in regards to following God's will (we all have). Remember, most people go to church because they recognize that they are not perfect and need "help" in some way. Though some ask for prayers, etc, we don't know the troubles of the people in the other seats with us. We go because we are all looking for acceptance from a higher power.