Commitment issues or wrong woman

Oh and before I go, I have one more point that I need to make. There is a reason why I'm so focused on my passions and ambitions at the expense of relationships and the reasoning is simple:

I don't trust people. I've been hurt far too many times to trust another human being fully ever again and considering the fact that you need trust to build intimacy with another human, marriage is something that is out of reach for me. I'm also a very socially awkward geek who has difficulties approaching women without being seen as a creep or weirdo and the only time I have ever had sex was a few times with a prostitute because I have such difficulties attracting women when it doesn't involve money.

So I focus on my goals and passions in life as a way to escape from that hurt while hopefully giving the world something that outlives me one day. Changing is too much of a headache for me so I would much rather avoid relationships all together and the risk of being hurt in favor of things that are certain to bring me joy.

That is all.

This has gone pretty far off topic.

Okay, putting my bitter ravings aside, let's get back to focusing on the O.P.

When we make a really big decision, some of the thinking that goes into it is below the level of consciousness. I've found that, in my own life, that thinking that goes on under the surface can often be some of the best thinking I do. After, I've made a tricky or difficult decision, I've usually gotten to second-guessing myself. Then, down the line, I've found that I had more good reasons for my decision than I was even able to keep uppermost in my consciousness.

Rodgers, I actually believe that you put more careful thought into your decision to get married than you are giving yourself credit for. Some of that thinking was intuitive and hard for you to remember, explicitly, now. So you're kind of scratching your head and saying, "Man, what have I gotten myself into . . . and was this even a good idea at all?"

If you were having after-the-fact cold feet related to this woman behaving in bad ways, then I'ld be more concerned that you made a mistake. But you don't seem to have anything really negative to say about your wife. I think you're a little bit astonished waking up in the morning and realizing, "I actually did it! I went and got married." That's pretty normal, actually . . . especially for men, early in marriage. I know several men who had severe cases of doubt just before the wedding day, or during the first year, who went on to have very successful marriages. If you have any tendency toward anxiety, as many members of PC typically do, then it's not odd for you to be turning this over in your head with a sense that maybe you should have held back. You've made possibly the biggest, most consequential decision you've ever in your life made. Was it the right decision? Normal to have that concern.

I don't get the sense that you jumped into this willy-nilly or were highly pressured by someone else. I've heard well-regarded students of human nature say that it's highly common for individuals to decide they are ready to get married and then tie the knot with the next reasonable candidate who comes along. (Can't find a supporting article at the moment.) That tends to work out about as good as any other approach.

A lot more went on in your brain when you were making this decision than you even remember now. Some things you weren't sure of because, with deciding to get married, there are usually quite a few huge unknowables. People who want to be absolutely 100% sure of everything tend to never get married. I believe you probably realized that and decided that you were about as sure as you were ever likely to be and you decided to jump in. That willingness to make a move without an ironclad guarantee is actually healthy. Because, otherwise, you wait around forever for some sign that, in this life, is apt to never come. People who overly wait on everything, terrified of making a mistake, tend to lose out - I believe. These are the people whom opportunity passes by.

Enjoy the fact that the decision making ordeal is behind you. Make the most of where you're at and see what happens. You probably have some pleasant surprises ahead of you. This lady you're with is going to have some deficits. So would anyone you could have found. There's no ideal person floating around out there. Have a positive attitude and give this a chance. Your looking at 2 options: commitment issues verses wrong woman. Here's a 3rd: you could be just over-thinking your situation. Try getting out of your head. Thank her for choosing you, and think of ways to make her glad she did. A lot of what makes marriage work isn't just finding the right person," but is, instead, being the right person.

I'm not saying you have to stay married to this woman. Just give it a real try before you drive yourself nuts with doubts. All I'm hearing from you are vague doubts. Your wife has one special virtue that no other woman has (far as I know): she has chosen to fully commit to you. That's pretty special.