I have been seeing this guy for about 2 months and I know I have posted about this currant situation already but here it goes again, He keeps texts his ex while he is with me and he does everything in secret, His reasoning behind all of it is that she has some of his stuff, I texted her one night and told her that he was sleeping so if she tried to call or text that evening sorry, Well his phone was on the kitchen table and I could hear the texts going off but he has a code on his phone so I could not get into it, Then his phone rang but I did not get to it in time, So I waited then it rang again and I hurried and answered it and I just said didnt you get my text messages, I told you he was in bed, She did not say one word, Then I said arnt you going to say anything, Still nothing and she hung up on me, He insists that he does not want her back and who is he with every night, I blew up and flipped out last night on him and told him to get out of my house, Nothing is changing, They are both texting each other everyday, I feel like I am going to have a nervous break down, Yes I really do like him, And this whole situation sucks, But I have to let him go and he cant understand why, He said I wasnt taing my meds is why I got all upset and I said yes I have been taking my meds, I said the reason I am so upset is because she will always be in the picture, Yes I will be sad, But I am not and will not come second to any other woman, Never have and never will, Any advice on how I can have him get rid of her, If the shoe was on the other foot he would have been long gone, He is also Bipolar and drinking like everyday and not taking his meds half the time

Then he was trying to get all lovey dovey with me before he passed out, And I said NO, I told him go to her for that and he even slept with his phone last night, Pathetic

[Molinit]

Don't worry about getting rid of her, just get rid of HIM and both of them will be gone. Dudes like this are a dime a dozen, move on.

[Crazy Hitch]

If he does it in secret then he shouldn't be doing it at all.

Give him a choice:

You go with him to collect his stuff and he blocks his phone from being able to receive calls / texts from her.

Or you walk out of the relationship.

He wont let me come with him, I have asked many times, I think he still has feelings for her to be honest, I read some of the texts that were back and forth and he did not seem to dislike her as he claims, It was quite the opposite, Like one message he had wrote her was I dont play games to her, I dont know her number, And then he will say I am so adorable to you, You dont want to break up, He has today to be done with her and get his stuff or I am gone even though I dont want that, It is ripping me apart, My stomach is so upset from this and he cant understand why, I dont know how he could not

[Bill3]

It was insulting and dismissive of him to say that you are upset because you did not take your meds.

[Erebos]

He isn't making a choice because he doesn't have too.

She won't let go.
Neither will you.
Why should he?

Please take care of yourself first.

[Trippin2.0]

^ Slam dunk!

I have figured out the problem, His ex is a Narcassist Sociopath and she has lowered his self esteem to near extinction, He blocked her on his phone now, He says he wants me and only me, She is blocked off of his phone now and she is blocked on Facebook, He was in a Narcissistic relationship with her, And she tried and is still trying to control him, She did not want him to have anything to do with his family or even his own children, She wanted him all to herself, No friends no family, No anything, Just full power and control over him

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

If he does it in secret then he shouldn't be doing it at all.

Give him a choice:

You go with him to collect his stuff and he blocks his phone from being able to receive calls / texts from her.

Or you walk out of the relationship.

I agree. I'm sorry you're in this position. That's very tough and upsetting. Good luck doing what's right for you.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Hummingbird1

I have figured out the problem, His ex is a Narcassist Sociopath and she has lowered his self esteem to near extinction, He blocked her on his phone now, He says he wants me and only me, She is blocked off of his phone now and she is blocked on Facebook, He was in a Narcissistic relationship with her, And she tried and is still trying to control him, She did not want him to have anything to do with his family or even his own children, She wanted him all to herself, No friends no family, No anything, Just full power and control over him

Blocking her is a good first step. Best wishes.

[~Christina]

You have wasted 2 month of your life you will never get back on him.... why let him have more of you're time ?

[Rose76]

Two months is not any huge investment. It's way too soon in a dating relationship for you to be taking possession of this guy and his phone.

Stop calling his ex a "narcissistic sociopath." What she is is really none of your business. What you do know for sure is that he and her are not done with each other. Tell him to take off and, maybe, give you a call someday, if he finds himself still truly free and available . . . and is still interested. You made a good deal of sense in your first post. Then you went off the deep end with psychoanalyzing this guy and his ex . . . a guy you've known 8 weeks and a young woman you've never met. You've set yourself up to diagnose and prescribe. The guy needs to be rescued by you from the clutches of a sociopath.

This is a guy who has children by some woman . . . then has a subsequent ex-girlfriend who is not related to his kids . . . then has you. Wow - what a catch. Yeah, you don't want to let him slip through your fingers. Oh, and he's a heavy drinker. And - when you have a tiff - he ridicules you as being "off your meds."

This has nothing to do with who's taking what meds. This guy is using you so he won't be lonely at night, while he's making up his mind about getting back with his ex. Sounds like he had been neglecting his kids to be with her. But you see that as all her doing. Maybe the ex and you would both benefit from sitting down with the mother of his children, who could tell you what a louse the two of you are competing for.

Re-read your first post. Those were some sound words coming from a woman with her head on straight. Reclaim that identity. Tell him to get out of your house. Then set your sights a little higher. You can do better for yourself.

[Bill3]

If the shoe was on the other foot he would have been long gone

Right. And that is where you should be when people treat you the way that he treats you.

[Misssy2]

Hummingbird..relationships are really hard and even harder when one partner is not "finished" with another partner.

I think you jumped into this way too quick from the sounds of it..and when you called her "controlliing" I had to stop for a minute and chuckle...PLEASE don't take this the wrong way because I know you think you are in love with this guy..and you seem to want to go thru almost anything (even having him disrespect you over and over)...to keep him.

BUT..I think it is controlling to be checking his phone...so he seems to have picked the same" type" for himself. And just because he blocked her means nothing...please don't be naive..do you think he doesn't know her phone number? Or how to erase phone calls he has dialed or received?

You are also being too wishy washy with your "boundaries" ..you said you told him to get out of your house last night...well he's still there and has schmoozed you over to get to stay...you are not going to just automatically fall back into trusting him and this is going to be a problem of resentment in your relationship going forward...even if she never called him again.

My opinion is that you are not healthy enough for a relationship at this time just because you are getting worked up and don't have enough self esteem to realize that the man was with you because he chose to be....and he doesn't seem like he is ready for a relationship because he hasn't finished his past relationship. I am sorry .