Make your loved one feel better

The kids and I went fishing yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, we accidentally kick the car keys and down they went in the water (10 feet deep!).
I was terrified to call my husband for help but I had no choice, I had already called two lock men but didn't want to drive that far. He was furious, he said it was my problem. It was bout 8 PM and we were 20 minutes from town. I told him I would call him back if I couldn't resolve the situation.
I found a lock man willing to come out to the lake for some money and then .... My husband showed up with a key he had for my car all along. Why didn't he tell he he had it? What kind of thrill does he get from doing these kinds of thing? Well, that wasn't enough, he had to continue making me feel worse (as if I needed to) with his remarks and comments, etc.
My 8 year old asked how come daddy was like that? Now, what do you answer to that question ....

gab

Just sounds like more abuse and manipulation to me. A great "opportunity" to weaken your self esteem and also make you more dependant on him. You couldn't survive without him! That's his overall goal, to make you believe that.

While you are planning what to do about your situation, please consider strongly that this behaviour is very very often passed down to children. It would be a good bet that his father was like that. It would be very good for you to think about this as "breaking the cycle" for your children. Teach them not to accept such behavior, rather than teaching them that that's the way to get what you want from people.

I would definitely recommend therapy for the children as well as yourself when this can be resolved.

Good luck.

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--http://www.idexter.com

My plans are to put the children in thepary once the rupture of the marriage takes place... You bet is passed down behavior! But not from his dad, he was adorable. He got it from his mother!

gab

I also have this with my fiance, but with his moods. His mother is terribly miserable and told him that if he stayed with me she would disown him. It's ongoing head games and my fiance's son has his fathers personality. Between the kids going through a divorce, their grandmother always putting the mother down, and my fiance dealing with his mother disowning him. It's been tough on our relationship and almost broke up the engagement too. My fiance is in counseling right now and his son is going too. We haven't seen much improvement with the son, but hopefully in time there will be. Gloria, reading your email reminds me of my fears sometimes. I walk on egg shells because I don't want the attitude or silent treatment. How long have you been married?

13 years, and all I can say It's gotten worse over time. And the longer it lasts the harder it is to break up ... If he's going to counseling, my thoughts are you should go to, in that way together you can work on building a strong relationship with the tools and resources that only through therapy can be acquired.

Best wishes

gab

We have started going together. We've only had 1 session, but the next one is scheduled. I really think it will help with communicating better.

13 years is a long time. My fiance was married that long, but she was having affairs. It still wasn't easy for him to leave her after that long. I feel for you. It must be hard with kids too!