Financial Abuse by a friend??

I've ended up using the services of a lawyer whom I know from my childhood days. Now on each occasion I was charged double the market rate for a basic service. On the first occasion I raised the cost and it was reduced by a third but I was threatened with if its an issue keep the money and we can go our separate ways.

To keep the friendship I agreed to pay three quarters of the original asking amount. On the second occasion I used his services again and it was double the market rate for the same basic service. I raised the matter again and it was reduced and I agreed to pay three quarters of the original asking amount which is still over the market rate.

This friend now has become a judge so I was referred to his close friend and business associate. I used his friend for the same basic service and again I was charged double but I did not question and payed. I used his close friend again for the second time for the same basic service and I was charged double the market rate. I payed and did not question.

I'm embarrassed and I feel like an idiot for participating in this but at the time I didn't want to loose the friendship of a childhood friend. The other thing is that he has also become even more patronizing and arrogant since becoming a judge and I'm thinking and feeling that I can't take this anymore and feel I should just walk away from the friendship and not confront him. Like a spoiled child he's also raised the point one day that he doesn't want anymore new friends. I'm no longer in his inner circle like we were in our childhood. But he does send me a happy birthday every year. I'm confused.

Confused and fed up let me now your thoughts please???

I'm sure this is the reason the phrase "never mix business with pleasure" was coined. I would take my business elsewhere and try to continue the friendship and see what happens.

I agree with SadGirl. I would not go to a relative or close friend for professional services. It's a good way to lose a friendship. Especially when the outcome is uncertain, as is the case with many legal matters.

While I agree that you shouldn't mix business with family and friends, I don't understand why he charged you double. To me, that is taking advantage of the friendship. What does your gut say? Do you even like this guy? Could you remain friends in a casual way? Just some thoughts.

He does seem to be taking advantage of you and I don't see a point of remaining his friend unless, of course, you are a career criminal who does a lot of white collar crimes or something of the sort and need contacts in the system to get you out of trouble if you were caught. Of course if you are, don't tell any of us here

If you are on the right side of the law and there are no other benefit of paying him more other than to keep his "friendship" then I would break it off.

I agree with you I am certainly taking my business else where from now on. The fact that this occurred over a 10 year period I'm asking myself if I gave this person enough time to become decent??

I also don't understand why he i relentlessly charging me double as well Jennifer. I am feeling embarrassed and worthless. My gut says finish the friendship by ignoring him and pretend he doesn't exist but there goes the childhood days. I don't think he cares anymore about our childhood because every time I raise the good old days he pulls his face like he is disgusted. Which is embarrassing. His career achievements are big and I congratulate him but I don't like who he has become as a person towards me. He is patronizing and arrogant and almost behaves in away where he will cut the friendship off anytime just to manipulate me and this make me feel worthless. I feel like a fool to stand up for myself. Casual yes we are in that way already.

I'm a gentleman and on the right side of the law and a hard working person. Yep I am seriously considering breaking it off...

The other side of this is that my friend comes from a family that is wealthy and I come from a family that is basically broke. Its sad but its true. This makes me feel upset.

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I think you answered your own question. He is not your friend if he is unpleasant (read pompous ***) to be around or if he gives you misgivings or makes you feel bad. Please don't be embarrassed or feel worthless. You were trying to be a good friend and you learned a valuable lesson. Maybe you could limit your exposure to this guy. Judge or not he sounds like a real jerk.

On the other hand, Why would anyone continue a friendship with someone that clearly took advantage of them? I say take business elsewhere (non friend related) and find friends with integrity and ones you can trust.

Good idea.

You nailed him down with the pompous! He has become a real jerk indeed. You know what every year he sends me a happy birthday wish and I'm thinking it makes no sense considering how as treated me. Does he really care. Any thoughts why he would do this?

You know what I feel better when I think about discontinuing the friendship then I feel a little sad. He will send a happy birthday message and I will ignore him because he willingly took advantage of me. I'm really confused why he sends a happy birthday message every year when he hasn't been trustworthy all along! Any thoughts why??

I agree too!

It's a manipulation. He likely is not a friend without strings but one that sees people, and therefore, friends as tools to get what he wants. In this case, make money off of them.

By sending you a card, it's a manipulation or an attempt at that to do exactly what you seem to be talking about, being confused, feel guilty, sad, etc. Then they will use that vulnerability to keep you on a string. Trust me, if it is as you say this is likely the whole reason behind giving you a greeting card or message on your Birthday.

That part I truly don't understand. There is some thought or caring there for him to remember your birthday each year.

You makes so much sense I'm so glad I asked this question

The other fact is he also comes from a wealthy family. He's an Expensive Friend!

Is there a clever way to end a friendship with this type of personality??

Let me know your thoughts guys

I was thinking about how used car dealer salesmen send Christmas cards. It's just part of their PR effort.

You got it!!!!

The most clever way you can do this is by doing it simply. Don't make a big deal of it, don't do anything out of anger or revenge just cut off ties quietly and ignore. Best thing of all is that this type of being cut off will be the most devastating without your going out of your way to make any kind of waves or a scene.

Its a very good way and it doesn't cost a thing!

Maybe it's moot, but I'm an attorney and have never heard "market rate" in the legal field. Sorry to hear you were treated poorly. The ethics code for lawyer is strict...you could file a Bar complaint.

Thanks glamslam I appreciate it. I used the word market rate to define in layman terms what others normally bill for such a basic service. I could file a complaint but I'm going to let this slide and have him still believe that I'm a fool. There will be no more legal business with this person or his associates. What goes around comes around - life on earth