Suffice it to say that I was never the popular kid in High School. Hell, I wasn’t even one of the unpopular kids. I was just invisible. I mean I had one or two friends, but I never hung out with them outside of school because they lived on farms so they were always busy and I lived in town. Even in college I was very withdrawn, never drawing attention to myself or participating in anything outside of mandatory coursework. Now I am almost 28, I’m almost 28, I suffered from CEN during my childhood which inhibited me from making any friends or learning how to socialize and make them. I left the toxic relationship I had with my mom and jumped right into another one with my current boyfriend (of 8 years). Literally all I ever do is work, eat, smoke weed, watch tv, and sleep. I’m trying to make positive changes in my life but have no idea how. I don’t know how to make friends. Yeah I can socialize and make small talk and put on the charm and blah blah blah, but I never seem to find myself interested in all the “pseudo-friendships”. You know, the kind where you put on a smile and make like the world isn’t really as bad as it is and you slowly die inside from the rot of deceitfulness each person hides. I tend to make deep character judgments about people upon interacting with them, and a lot of the time, who am I kidding, most of the time, I see things that make me not want to place my trust in loyalty in their hands. However, that being said, I’ve recognized it within myself and am actively trying to change it and be more open and accepting. Now, down to the brass tacks, I don’t know how to make friends. I don’t know where people go to make friends to be honest. All I really know how to do is to reach out online; hence this thread. So how do you make friends? How can I find someone with the same interests and values? Like I said before, I’m in a severe rut and never go do anything. So I don’t even know how to go do the things that interest me, well because I have virtually no experiences to pull from to allow me to go do them on my own and not be so codependent on my boyfriend.

[Sunflower123]

I don't know where to advise you to look for friends...my friends are those I've met in bible studies (one group has 180 women). I just wanted to lend my support. I'm sure others will have good advise. Please be gentle with yourself. I've experienced CEN and it can color virtually everything in your adult life. Good luck and best wishes.

[wolfgaze]

Whiis, I've never used these myself before - but aren't there well known websites whose function is to organize group meet-ups for people with similar interests? Is there a particular hobby or activity that you enjoy partaking in? Any interest in volunteering to help and work with animals, or volunteering elsewhere? Do you like reading? Maybe there is a local area book club? Did you play any sports growing up? What about finding a Unitarian Universalist church (from what I understand these types of churches are open to and accepting of a wide variety of beliefs among the church members)... Just tossing out some ideas here...

[ChrizBolez]

Interests are what bring like-minded individuals together. It's what drew me to this forum, populated with others that are just as interested in mental health. However, while forums are great for mass communication they lack the personal connection one might make face to face. This means you will need to follow the process that brought you here, but change the setting in which it takes place.

I did this with martial arts when I was younger and pushed myself to attend classes. Through this I gained a fantastic mentor and a new confidence. Conversation comes easier as the ice has already been broken upon arrival. They knew I was interested in martial arts by my appearance at class and I knew this about them as well.

I feel this is what you need to escape the toxicity around you as I did when I was younger. It really helped my confidence and perspective on valuable human interaction.

Originally Posted by ChrizBolez

Interests are what bring like-minded individuals together. It's what drew me to this forum, populated with others that are just as interested in mental health. However, while forums are great for mass communication they lack the personal connection one might make face to face. This means you will need to follow the process that brought you here, but change the setting in which it takes place.

I did this with martial arts when I was younger and pushed myself to attend classes. Through this I gained a fantastic mentor and a new confidence. Conversation comes easier as the ice has already been broken upon arrival. They knew I was interested in martial arts by my appearance at class and I knew this about them as well.

I feel this is what you need to escape the toxicity around you as I did when I was younger. It really helped my confidence and perspective on valuable human interaction.

Your response was so uncanny to what I had literally just done. I looked up local martial arts programs in my area and just reached out to the one I decided meant the most to me since I have been a HUUUGE martial arts fan ever since I can remember. I used to be obsessed with it in grade school, but my parents were extremely Emotionally Neglectful so I never got the chance to live those experiences. Hopefully they reach back out to me and I will be able to start pretty soon. I feel like my biggest issues are a lack of sense of self and a lack of discipline, and I really feel that taking martial arts lessons would help me tremendously in that aspect. The ones I reached out to were Kung Fu and Tai Chi. I saw that their rates were a little higher than I felt comfortable with, but its not unmanageable. The most difficult part for me will be to not talk myself out of it (as I tend to do when I become extremely nervous/anxious about something I've never done before)

[wolfgaze]

Originally Posted by Whiis

The most difficult part for me will be to not talk myself out of it (as I tend to do when I become extremely nervous/anxious about something I've never done before)

I experience the same thing (feeling anxious/apprehensive about doing things I've never done before).... What I always inevitably end up discovering is that the experience of actually going through with whatever it is, it's never as bad or as challenging as my mind would imagine it to be prior to actually doing it... Our physical minds often create distorted perceptions and also blow things out of proportion...

Originally Posted by wolfgaze

I experience the same thing (feeling anxious/apprehensive about doing things I've never done before).... What I always inevitably end up discovering is that the experience of actually going through with whatever it is, it's never as bad or as challenging as my mind would imagine it to be prior to actually doing it... Our physical minds often create distorted perceptions and also blow things out of proportion...

I agree that the experience of actually doing it is never as challenging as the mind can make it. I guess, for me anyway, it comes back to those formative years where you learn to be able to make those experiences happen without assistance that I lack. I can't pull from prior experiences to say "hey, this is how this is done" or "What I'm about to go through is similar to that experience I had when i was __ years old". So a lot of the anxieties for me are just from straight up lack of experience and self confidence. Definitely going to give martial arts lessons a try though. I desperately need something to help me with self confidence and discipline.