[DodgersMom]

by friends, i don't mean online, i mean i want friends to hang out with in person and laugh with it....

so all my life I've wanted a male friend, because i feel they are easier to talk to. i was not allowed to have male friends outside of school until i was 18 and surely never allowed to date.

since then i struggle to make friends with guys, I've had a few but none lasted more than a few months.

i get frustrated because i also seem to be tormented by the universe in the sense that i meet great guys sometimes i think we would be great friends but for various reasons i can't be friends with them

for example... my dogs vet, I've known 12 years, we joke around when i am in there with my dogs, i email him sometimes but he is married with kids and its not ok to be buddies outside of that. it really sucks because i know we would be great friends

my therapist, he doesnt tell me tons about himself but i know enough to know we could also be good friends, and we joke around and tease each other, he lets me email him and seems more than happy to reply, but obviously not only is he married but also my therapist so again, it can't happen

i just don't understand why i either scare guys away in person or i meet great guys i can't be friends with

like what is wrong with me..... someone out there must really hate me, it seriously frustrates me to no end

[Crazy Hitch]

You're looking / looked / considered the wrong people ... which you're well aware of (vet / therapist etc).

I don't think you scare them away I'm just not sure you're finding guys that are eligible for friendship with you, if that makes sense.

[Sunflower123]

I was thinking the same thing but don't know where to tell you to look. My daughter has more male friends than girls and she's very socially adept and comfortable with them. I never was....I was always shy and awkward around them.

[DodgersMom]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

You're looking / looked / considered the wrong people ... which you're well aware of (vet / therapist etc).

I don't think you scare them away I'm just not sure you're finding guys that are eligible for friendship with you, if that makes sense.

Well those were two examples of people I WISH I could be friends with. I've actually been friends with average guys I've meet through others etc but they never have lasted long. My longest friendship with a guy was 7 months. I feel like it has to be me, I am sending off some kind of vibe that makes them weirded out or want to run.

Originally Posted by DodgersMom

i just don't understand why i either scare guys away in person or i meet great guys i can't be friends with like what is wrong with me..... someone out there must really hate me, it seriously frustrates me to no end

I can't say this with regard to all guys. I do think I am able to make friends with some of them. But the vast majority of them I can't. There seem to be three strata.

(1) men who I can make friends with who are friendly with me but probably won't ever be deeply friends.
(2) men who tolerate me but will probably never understand me and would prefer not to around me.
(3) men who have disliked me from the first moment they saw me.

It is number three that stymies me. I suspect number three is due to "my look" which must scare them. And these particular type are usually uber serious about themselves and need ego stroking. My personality is one that can't take myself or anything too seriously. So if they do.. I am a threat to that. Finally usually whatever I am doing I want to be good at. If I am good at it and effortlessly seem to know what I am doing and it takes a great deal of effort for these men, they seem to get upset. Clearly that is "their" role.

[Bill3]

My longest friendship with a guy was 7 months.

What happened to this friendship?

[DodgersMom]

Originally Posted by Bill3

What happened to this friendship?

He played me basically. Spent months being very kind and doing things with me like walking my dogs, going to dinner with my family, watching movies with my disabled brother and I, etc... then one day I stupidly decided to invite him to go with to this place I was gonna look into working at (a dog training place) and I introduced him to the owners and went to talk with them, meeting seemed to go well. A few days later they told me they had already found someone and I was not what they were looking for, turns out, they hired him.

I was gonna do my best to be happy anyway and be a good friend but when I tried to reach out to him, he unfriended me on FB and told me to lose his number. He never spoke to me again. IDK, I attract fake people and jerks all the time somehow and it's tiresome

[Bill3]

I'm really sorry that happened.

I agree that he was a jerk to you.

I feel like it has to be me, I am sending off some kind of vibe that makes them weirded out or want to run.

What does your therapist say about this?

[DodgersMom]

Originally Posted by Bill3

I'm really sorry that happened.

I agree that he was a jerk to you.




What does your therapist say about this?

He doesn't know I feel that way yet so nothing LOL

I've only been going for 6 weeks and we spent several of the sessions discussing my main issue for going, just on the 19th, my last session, got into talking about friends and such a bit

[divine1966]

Do share your worries with your therapist. If you are not 18 maybe you could focus on other things like school and hobbies etc? Not being friends with grown ups?

[DodgersMom]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Do share your worries with your therapist. If you are not 18 maybe you could focus on other things like school and hobbies etc? Not being friends with grown ups?

I am 35

I share things yes, not everything yet. I just posted above we only began talking about my friend issues last session

[Bill3]

I am glad that you can explore these issues with your T.