Relationship Anxiety?

Four years ago I began dating a girl that I fell in love with way too fast. She became everything to me and I hardly spent any time with anyone else. Everything seemed perfect. Fast forward about a year and a half, and I was asked how I felt about my girlfriend and everything spiraled out of control. I got physically sick to the point where I couldn't do anything for days. That sickness subsided for the most part, but from then on I had a nagging feeling that the relationship wasn't right. I finally broke it off in April of 2016, and now looking back that was a great decision. Now I have a problem. I have that same nagging, anxious feeling every time I get in a relationship. That nagging feeling always tells me I don't really like the girl I'm with, or something else. Really just anything to stop me from continuing the relationship. Now, I'm with a girl I can see myself marrying. We met through a friend and began our relationship via Facebook messenger before finally going out. The WHOLE time we messaged I had this nagging feeling that if I paid attention to it would give me physical symptoms such as sweating, and sometimes I can feel my heart beating in my throat. We've been dating for two months now and it's getting serious, but I want to shake this feeling. I really don't think it's her, if it was why would I have this nagging feeling before I even met her? It's like ever since that relationship I had years ago I haven't been able to be at ease with anyone anymore. Sometimes everything feels great, mainly when we are together. But as soon as we are apart I will obsess about this all day, and have this weird feeling like in my top left back kind of where my heart is. Sometimes, I get really anxious and my heart beats in my throat and I break down and think "Well maybe I just need to end it" because I'm convinced I shouldn't feel this way. That's typically followed by a few really good days, normally where we see each other a lot. I'm just sick of this. For anyone that's struggled with relationship anxiety, could this be that? Or am I just convincing myself I love her even though a genuinely feel like I do a lot of the time? It's all very confusing, and I'm almost convinced this would happen to me in any relationship now, because it never happened before that one serous relationship I had.

Hi Mcb5196.

To me, it sounds like you're either the dismissive-avoidant attachment type or there is a feeling underlying the nagging one.
If you think that your thoughts are dictating the way you feel, which is usually the case, I'd take time to listen to these thoughts in the position of an observer/listener rather than the receiver. It could lead you to discover what is the actual feeling you're experiencing. Because you're mentioning the feeling tend to fade while being with your girlfriend and so your thoughts aren't overwhelming you, it indicates to me that it may be your thoughts.
You could also seek a therapist in order to find out where this anxiety comes from. Trauma? Childhood events?

pinkjosie13 has excellent advice. You could work it out for yourself if you're very self-aware and observant but a therapist sounds like a good idea. Get to the bottom of this so you can move on with your girl.

Therapist, see one to figure out how your feeling, can be extremely helpful

You're in an uncomfortable position. Therapy seems to be the consensus. No matter what your decision I wish you the best of luck.

Relationships begin to "stabilise" once the honey moon phase is over, and there is less of a chemistry pull towards each other and you view the person in a more realistic light for who they truly are.

Anything from 6 months to a year.

When you realised the first girl wasn't the one for you it probably gave you a bit of a fright and you're replaying this scenario in your head and way over analysing it. Be aware of when you do it, but find a distraction of sorts so you're not focusing 24/7 on transposing the feelings of what happened in your first relationship to all others.

What was your relationship like with your parents/siblings growing up?

I'm so happy that I've found this! I have (almost) the exact same problem! I've finally found someone who is just a really kind and solid guy, but I've had crippling anxiety--the same feeling of dread that the OP has. I've had it in the past with other guys, but it was never as bad as it was with this guy. It's gotten worse, though--whenever I think of him or even get a text from him, I have this awful anxiety. When I spend time with him and talk to him on the phone, the anxiety is almost never present. I think I've now just conditioned myself to basically associate my boyfriend with anxiety.

To make matters worse, we've entered a long-distance relationship and it's been so difficult with this anxiety. I can't pin-point why I'm feeling this way, but I am happy to know that I'm not the only one in the world with this issue. So if anything, there's solace in the fact that it's not just me.

OP, I've actually talked with my psychiatrist about this issue, but this was when the issue was still relatively new. I'd like to talk with her again, even if it must be via Skype (I live in Japan now, though I'm from America). But I will share what she told me when I first brought up this issue--she said that you have to remember that relationships aren't perfect and there's so much gray area. She said to take it 1 day at a time and to not think ahead relationship-wise. She said that it's okay to be anxious and it will probably lessen as time goes on. You won't have all of the answers, and that's okay.

Though her advice helps sometimes, I'm worried because I think that there is something seriously wrong if I'm even having this anxiety in the first place.

Whatever happens, I hope for the best for both of us!

I've always had a great relationship with my parents. I fought with my sister a lo my growing up and I generally was always nervous to see my dad because of an unrealistic fear he'd be disappointed in me over something. I definitely think I'm applying the feeling of my past relationship to all others. This anxiousness and negative thinking begins before I could even have that opinion on anyone. It's like I've sheltered myself now and I can't allow myself to be at ease, just always on guard and always checking if I feel enough for the one I'm with currently and it can be very scary.

I can have some very good days where the anxiety is hardly present because I can convince myself it's just anxiety, and I accept that, but then I'll start thinking "maybe it isn't" and that pretty much brings it all back. When we are apart I'll like constantly check if I'm missing her enough, or if I still like her. I mean it's constant. That's an indicator to me that it's not her its anxiety or something, because if it wasn't anxiety or OCD a I wouldn't obsess over it and it wouldn't hinder my ability to do anything other than think about it. I'm determined to push through it though.