Was he up to something else? im really confused!

So me and my bf (37/M) have not been speaking some time ago due to a misunderstanding (I believe it was kind of my fault, I did not handle the situation well) also after him finishing his studies he was leaving back to his hometown, which is in another country and well this created, at least on ME, some type of ”stay back and disconnect emotionally” type of scenario.

The day of the getting together misunderstanding, was on an event he had, we were supposed to see eachother that day in the morning, but then I texted him and changed plans to see him later after the event, I thought it would be better!. then he dissapeared and never heard from him again, I believe me changing plans might have made him mad, IDK, but it’s weird since we were 2 1/2 YEARS together and just because of this misunderstanding, he was gone with the wind, humm?!!



A thing that I never liked was the fact that he lived an hour away from me in another place (the city) and I live in a town nearby, he only came to my town to assist his college. I had gone to his city apartment a couple of times (this is his offcial home) but I always had the doubt of what went on in there. Like I said I had gone there a couple of times, so it was not enough to even have proof if he had someone else.

Our relationship was kind of unbalanced, it was not a normal one, due to his studies we would not see eachother very much, and he left back to his city apartment on weekends and then came back here from monday to friday, and so on.

Before the misunderstanding happened, he had told me that after he finished his studies and gotten his diploma, he was going to be here one month to do some paperwork and then he was leaving as soon as he finished.

The sketchy thing is that I recently found out that he is still here and living in the same apartment, I know a person that lives in the same building and I asked her if there was any empty apartment with one bedroom and she said it’s still rented, she also told me it’s a guy that studied medicine, that he has been renting there for some long time (which is him ofcourse).

So my questions is, did this guy maybe had a double life with me, and has some other women in the city? this sounds very sketchy to me, specially due to the fact that he does not even have family members here, he just came here to study and like any foreigner would do after graduation they would just leave back to there country! but he is still here. I just want some honest thoughts and opinions!

I'm sorry you're having a tough time with your boyfriend. It does sound sketchy to me but there could be an innocent explanation. Can you sit him down for a heart-to-heart to gain some understanding of his behavior? At first glance....sketchy. Best wishes.

I think you already had the same thread or two asking about this guy. From what you previously described it was not serious commited loving relationship. It was more of a friends with benefits casual sex type of thing. It ran its course and he appears to be done with it. Perhaps he has a girlfriend or maybe he just lives his life doing whatever. Honestly I'd stop dwelling and move on. It's not worth your time. It's been long enough and reality is he isn't coming back and it's for the best

This misunderstanding happened in February and it's June now. If he Has not seen You or speak to you since then reality is he isn't your boyfriend anymore. He is the past

I do know that it is hard to secure apartments. So that is probably the reason he is still there. So if that is his reason for being here..and he still has limited contact with you than you have to realize that (at least from my outside view) ..you two are not in a loving, committed relationship and it seems more like Friends with Benefits...and it sounds like you both take turns calling the shots.

So you canceled out on the event and that was ok....that is what you wanted..so apparently to me and probably to him...you did not have a "burning desire" to spend time with him. It probably didn't make him MAD but insecure and frustrated.

All that said...not being in a commited relationship which you have contributed to...you really in my opinion shouldn't have the right to care if he is seeing someone else or not..

If you want to be with this person exclusively and you want the same from him...than a conversation needs to happen between the two of you. But, I don't think the conversation should be accusatory..like I think you are seeing other women!

The conversation should be that you have concerns about your relationship and that you know that you both have things you could work on but all that aside (without going into each thing you need to work on)...all that aside...what his is vision for the future and I want to ask you original poster..

What is your vision with this person in the future? Do you think you love him enough? Do you think he is the one? Or does he have to pass tests to win you over? Do you each play guessing games on what each other is thinking or doing? If you do....than communication is poor and good communication is necessary to a healthy relationship.