[Jellyfish18]

How have you made new friends? People of all ages can reply, I am in my early 20's and currently looking for ways to meet new people (if you are not in college).

Also, what are some other things you do in your free time to feel better if you feel lonely? Things that work and maybe help when trying to start a new friendship?

[Sometimes psychotic]

I met someone on Craigslist strictly platonic...
Also I met someone on pc. Then I met my boyfriend on okcupid....so I like the electronic approach.

As for free time I like museums, zoos aquariums etc the ballet...listing out that kind of stuff on your profile helps you make friends......also things you can do at home, cooking, reading art etc.

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I met someone on Craigslist strictly platonic...
Also I met someone on pc. Then I met my boyfriend on okcupid....so I like the electronic approach.

As for free time I like museums, zoos aquariums etc the ballet...listing out that kind of stuff on your profile helps you make friends......also things you can do at home, cooking, reading art etc.

Ok that's the electronic approach. How about other ways? For example if there are no meetups in town etc. ... and most events (art exhibits etc.) are for older people, where can you go to meet younger people?

[scarlett35]

I joined a choir which helped. The choir I'm in has a range of ages. There are a lot of older ladies but there are a few people my own age.

If you have hobbies or something you'd like to try then I think give it a go and see how it goes! It might help combat loneliness even if you don't get any close friends out of it.

I had the same problem when I left uni!!

Volunteering and sport both made me some fantastic new friends. I'd say follow your passions because you'll meet others who share them.

[Jellyfish18]

Thanks both. I have more questions - what makes someone have no friends, realistically?
Also, I feel like I could have certain friendships but for some reason I do not know how to keep the conversation going... In fact, how to really keep friends. I just cannot seem to get "close" to people and make a bond with them. It is very bad and I can't stand feeling so alone anymore. I don't know what the trouble is. I have fine self-image etc. but I just don't seem to know how to "be" with people and how to enjoy the time spent together. It is very strange. Also I fear they will ditch me after a few first meetings ... it never feels like I am really going somewhere, only that I have to "prove" myself to them. Please tell me how I can stop feeling this way and finally relax around peers? I really need this.
I mean, right now I am living in a flat with three other girls and they are all nice but I still have not made close friends... I just don't know how to go about this, how to do this?
I can't live my life like this, without close relationships. But I just don't know how to get close or really open up and make an emotional connection. I am always looking for approval or being careful instead. If I'm not, I frequently mess up. It's excruciating.
What do you think I'm doing wrong?

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by Nina_Xxx

Thanks both. I have more questions - what makes someone have no friends, realistically?
Also, I feel like I could have certain friendships but for some reason I do not know how to keep the conversation going... In fact, how to really keep friends. I just cannot seem to get "close" to people and make a bond with them. It is very bad and I can't stand feeling so alone anymore. I don't know what the trouble is. I have fine self-image etc. but I just don't seem to know how to "be" with people and how to enjoy the time spent together. It is very strange. Also I fear they will ditch me after a few first meetings ... it never feels like I am really going somewhere, only that I have to "prove" myself to them. Please tell me how I can stop feeling this way and finally relax around peers? I really need this.
I mean, right now I am living in a flat with three other girls and they are all nice but I still have not made close friends... I just don't know how to go about this, how to do this?
I can't live my life like this, without close relationships. But I just don't know how to get close or really open up and make an emotional connection. I am always looking for approval or being careful instead. If I'm not, I frequently mess up. It's excruciating.
What do you think I'm doing wrong?

I saw some excellent advice you gave RichardBrooks on another thread. Could you take that advice yourself? A relationship or life coach sounds great. Also you could get feedback from your roommates. Best wishes.

Hi Nina, honestly I think it's a numbers game (a bit like dating), not everyone will want to be our friend although that doesn't mean they don't like us. There is kind of a friendship compatibilty thing, and the more people you get out and meet the more chances you have of meeting people who are in tune with you.

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Hi Nina, honestly I think it's a numbers game (a bit like dating), not everyone will want to be our friend although that doesn't mean they don't like us. There is kind of a friendship compatibilty thing, and the more people you get out and meet the more chances you have of meeting people who are in tune with you.

Well what about this... it's so strange. I wanted and still do new friends badly, now I am living with three other girls my age who are all nice and nothing is developing. NOTHING. I try to ask questions, I'm polite and everything but it doesn't seem to lead anywhere. I can go for days in silence even if I cook in front of them etc. Surely this is not normal? I never open up emotionally and not even sure if I know how to do so. You can only pretend everything is ok up to a certain point.
This is a chronic problem.

[MickeyCheeky]

I relate to your struggles.. I'm sorry you're having difficulties, as well.

I too have a hard time opening up, and I do relate.

It's also been my experience that some people we meet and like are fine as acquaintences but not compatible for closer friendships. I think the people who are right for us are a smaller number but they are out there.

It's very likely if you meet someone more compatible with you things will develop naturally. Try not to worry about it.

[Jellyfish18]

I do worry about it. These girls I am living with at the moment are all nice but nothing is developing. I just don't know how to get closer to them. I don't want strained relationships when we could be chatting and having good relationships and I can tell something is wrong with what I am doing.

Originally Posted by Jellyfish18

I do worry about it. These girls I am living with at the moment are all nice but nothing is developing. I just don't know how to get closer to them. I don't want strained relationships when we could be chatting and having good relationships and I can tell something is wrong with what I am doing.

I'm not sure housemate relationships are always hunky dory. I think when you are around people all the time many people like to keep their personal space, does that make sense?

Maybe try other avenues for meeting people, if you are at college maybe extra curricular activities and groups might be worth a go just for getting among people. Take it nice and slowly and try not to worry/pressure yourself. If something develops then great but if not well at least you got the experience of the activity/group.

[Bill3]

How long have you been living with the other girls?

What happened in childhood if you were to express yourself freely, say things that your parents might not agree with, want something that they thought you should not want?

[Jellyfish18]

Originally Posted by Bill3

How long have you been living with the other girls?

What happened in childhood if you were to express yourself freely, say things that your parents might not agree with, want something that they thought you should not want?

It's been a month now. I am finding it hard now to go in front of them and talk to them but I don't want to live like this any longer, staying away or just being formal with them. They seem nice and they hang out with each other, too.
I have a bad relationship with family and I am mostly ignored when I have issues. It's not so much about disagreements.

[Zara18]

Hi Jellyfish18,

I relate completely...since I was in my late teens I have had the same social awkwardness you describe, always worrying if it would go anywhere and always feeling there wasn't really any connection with most people I would meet.

Do you like animals? If so volunteer at your local animal shelter, they are always needing help & people who will give their time and hearts to a charity are more likely to be easy going friendly people. It helps you also to give to others in need.

Other volunteer ideas- at your local library, old folks home, Green/environmental group, with children in some capacity .... basically figure out what interests you and find an organisation that does or has that and contact them to see if they need any help.

If you aren't comfortable with the social aspect of volunteering with people, see if there is any organisation who could use your help remotely... I know of animal charities that need help with computer tasks in my town for example. There also might be some sort of phone help wanted.

Good luck.

I have met some acquaintances through my support group. I have several more from my volunteering.

I have also gone back and rekindled friendships from my past.