I cannot adopt. What if i find sum1 who wants kids?

My first real job. "You don't like kids do you" more of a statement than a question. I wonder wby she thought this. I was teaching kids martial arts before this job.
My mum was always saying " never have kids...especially a girl they are much harder than boys" i was right there too. I was scared of my own shadow as a kid n so well behaved. I was chosen as the scapegoat to all my families problems. I figured it out just before my second meltdown. I put myself throuh the mill to get to the bottom of it. I knew that it didnt matter how successful i became i would be "the sick one" . But being consigned to this role becoming a success is severely hampered.
Then a woman at my work said " kids can be such a joy" and that i was a "sweet" young lady.
Now i am aware of my sexuality. I am a litttle down, when i fill in my online profile and it asks: "do you want kids" and i think i cannot adopt so i better say from get go: No.
A donor just brings a third party into the picture and i hated feeling torn growing up between my father, or my step dad and mum.Though it was a hard decision and i was messed up i stll chose the right side. And i am glad i met my birth father. Why did he not want to see me till i was about 7? I cried my eyes out seeing this strange man at the door.