[sinking]

Our relationship is so complicated. I'll try to keep it short. I dont know what to do or how to act around her anymore.

Of course she loves me, of course she worries about me, of course she looks for cues to understand what im thinking, feeling, doing. I get that. But i cant help feeling studied, analyzed, smothered by her. It annoys me more than i can say, so i snap at her and i'm mean with her. And i feel SO guilty about it. She is so nice, kind and gentle with me, she would deserve so much more. I feel horribly, a monster. I Iove her, i really do, but whatever she does and says annoys me, i cant help it. And the more i isolate myself and keep the distance from her, the more she feels hurt, rejected, worried and so on. But i cant fake it. I cant pretend. I cant be me, there are things i dont want her to know or even guess. There are things i dont want to talk about with her. And i'm afraid she'll get them anyway, so i need to stay apart but it annoys her, worries her, and makes me feel trapped twice.

I wont talk about this with her. I wont open up with her. So how do i solve this? I really need some help here... Living like this every day, fighting an invisibile fight with her each and every day is hell. I really dont want to hurt her but these feelings and thoughts wont give me peace.

Any comment will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Sunflower123]

You're at an impasse. You either maintain distance with your mom the way you've been doing with you being resentful and her being hurt or you sit down with her and create some healthy boundaries that you both can live with. Unless you want to maintain the status quo, you need to talk to your mom.

Originally Posted by sinking

Our relationship is so complicated. I'll try to keep it short. I dont know what to do or how to act around her anymore.

Of course she loves me, of course she worries about me, of course she looks for cues to understand what im thinking, feeling, doing. I get that. But i cant help feeling studied, analyzed, smothered by her. It annoys me more than i can say, so i snap at her and i'm mean with her. And i feel SO guilty about it. She is so nice, kind and gentle with me, she would deserve so much more. I feel horribly, a monster. I Iove her, i really do, but whatever she does and says annoys me, i cant help it. And the more i isolate myself and keep the distance from her, the more she feels hurt, rejected, worried and so on. But i cant fake it. I cant pretend. I cant be me, there are things i dont want her to know or even guess. There are things i dont want to talk about with her. And i'm afraid she'll get them anyway, so i need to stay apart but it annoys her, worries her, and makes me feel trapped twice.

I wont talk about this with her. I wont open up with her. So how do i solve this? I really need some help here... Living like this every day, fighting an invisibile fight with her each and every day is hell. I really dont want to hurt her but these feelings and thoughts wont give me peace.

Any comment will be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

It is a huge adjustment for some mothers (like me) when our children grow up. I think that the distance you want to create between you and your mom is normal. I was fortunate to be able to make a clean break when I was 18 because I attended a college that was a five hour drive from my parents house and never came back home once I left. I know that the terrible economy makes it harder to leave home but if you get the opportunity to work or attend school in another town--go for it. Don't feel guilty for wanting to run your own life. Your mom is going to have to sort out her own issues. She will. It just takes time. I know because I am probably guilty of some of the same less than healthy behaviors. You are not a monster at all!!!!

[MickeyCheeky]

I think it's a struggle a lot of people go through. Eventually, you want to become indipendent and to do that you have to create some distance between you and your parents.. so I'd welcome that change. Maybe if you give more distance, when you'll get closer to her in the future it won't be as difficult because it will be the exception, not the rule. You know.. quality over quantity.

Just think about it, ok?

[Jellyfish18]

How old are you? It is normal even in teenage years to want space ... don't feel guilty about that. Try to read on setting healthy boundaries etc., this might help you.

[sinking]

Thank you all for answering.
The problem was not much about wanting more space but feeling she is worried about me.

i talked about this with my T and she asked me if i wanted her to talk with my mom. i accepted and today my mom told me she talked with my T.

apparently, my T told my mom i feel too "studied" (agree) and my mom said she is worried about me being too thin. my T told her not to worry and i hope this will fix the problem. but,

i CANT believe my mom thinks that! she seems obsessed with this stupid worry. im not nearly as thin as i'd like to be and btw my BMI is totally normal. my mom seems to have a complete distorted view on what being normal weight is. just because she, my dad and my bro are overwheight, it doesnt mean she has to worry about me for being normal weight. i feel like she'd like me to be fat. more like her. i HATE this thought and i HATE being fat. and

i absolutely HATE her distorted view. she was not as worried when i was underweight for real, and she said i looked nice when i put on too much weight some time ago. i have lost the extra weight now but it doesnt mean im underweight. im so, so, SO sick of my mom thinking that. she has been like this on and off for years and years.

i feel i cant even be in control of my body. because she seems to judge and get worried constantly. i DO control what i eat, i WOULD like to be thinner, i WILL be thinner but now im not. im fighting every single day, every single minute with food. counting calories all the time. i wouldnt mind becoming ana, but for now im not and i just hate with all my heart my mom controlling my body. i cant even be as thin as i want? well, i guess i could, but i cant stand that look on my moms face... isnt this crazy? am i not in an invisible cage? i hate her for that. and i hate myself too, for hating her and for caring too much about her stupid worries. im not in control of many things, but this makes me feel im not in control of even my body... i feel so trapped