Why don't people want to talk directly to me?

I don't know, it just irks me that often people will relay a message to me through my boyfriend, even if we see each other in person. It's like they don't want to talk to me. Also, in group conversations, I usually get completely shut out. Sometimes, someone acknowledges I'm there and talks directly to me. I've tried to become more available (like going back onto Facebook) which has helped a little bit, but there's nothing more demoralizing than being with your significant other and having someone come up to talk to him and completely shut you out for 10-15+ minutes (this is with people who know me as well). I guess other people just find other people to talk to? Sadly, I don't really have other options most places. Another thing that was hurtful was last night apparently someone I respect and admire complimented me to my boyfriend instead of directly to me (we were in the same room!). It would have meant so much had he said it to me, and now it doesn't have as much impact. My boyfriend might not have even thought to say anything to me had we not been talking about it.

I replied on your other thread. You could also talk about this problem with your boyfriend and get his take on this. Ask him for advice since he has seen how you communicate and ask for suggestions for improvement. I think compliments are flattering whether it's coming through your boyfriend or the original sender. Best wishes.

I actually have a similar struggle.. nobody will ever talk to me when I get out with a bunch of people. That's probably why I stopped doing it..

Sorry you're dealing with this. You're not alone

I did ask him. He doesn't know. He's not an expert at communication either, he's just louder and more persistent than me.

And about the compliment, it comes across like he's complimenting my boyfriend for teaching me well rather than me doing well, if that makes sense. I guess that's why in that case it bothers me.

Question: Are you waiting for people to talk to you and include you?

What about taking your own initiative to join in the existing conversation? You need not be interested in a topic but that doesn't mean you don't have an opinion about it.

If the case is you are already doing this and you are still being isolated yes, you must discuss this with your boyfriend.

Maybe they don't speak directly to you, because you don't speak to them(?)...

According to your other thread you don't really engage in group convos etc, this might be why those same people are reluctant to reach out to you directly.

Your reluctance to engage has most likely contributed to whatever opinion they have formed of you, and this opinion might be the culprit.

Not that I know what that is, you'd have to actually ask them.

Could be they think you're very shy and don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, or they could think you're conceited and believe you're too good to mingle with them.

Or any number of things in between those two extremes...

If I were you I would just ask, best way to find out and remedy the situation.

I do usually wait until someone talks to me or includes me because I can't really see any other safe way to go about it. My boyfriend and friends in the past initiated.

I'm not sure what you mean by me having an opinion about a topic I'm not interested in. If I don't particularly care about it or have knowledge about it, I'm not sure how I would have an opinion, or at least one worth sharing. And I'm not one to want to share opinions with someone I don't know and trust yet (unless it's a stranger I'll never see again maybe).

According to my boyfriend, most people just think I'm extremely shy. And I've been asked directly why I'm so quiet, especially in group conversations. So most people likely think it's because I'm shy.

It's rude for them to shut you out. You should speak to your bf about actively including you in these types of conversations.

Guess its time to clear up this misconception of you being shy.
Time to join in on the convos, regardless of whether you think your opinions are worthy or not... (that's so not the point of a conversation)...

If you don't want to be treated like an invisible wall flower, you've got to stop playing the part so brilliantly...

I believe you have just answered your own question. The change is within yourself.

Regarding opinions on subjects that don't interest you I am sure if you thought about it you do have your own ideas about them. For example, US politics don't really interest me but I certainly have an opinion. My boyfriend's motorcycle group doesn't interest me but I very much have opinions about it. I think there is a need to form opinions. It is important you have them.

Based upon your reply to me on the other thread, I don't see tuning out to conversations in a social setting due to disinterest in their topics as "shy"? If that's the word the social group uses to define it, then so be it. Hence utilizing your bf to relay messages?

I've talked to him before, but I guess it wouldn't hurt to mention it again. It tends to feel embarrassing when he does include me. I'm trying to figure out how to explain it...I guess he introduces me with way too many positive adjectives. It's over the top.

It's just in a lot of groups, they'll talk about something they have in common that I don't. Or it might be something that I don't have enough knowledge on the subject to really participate. Which it might be interesting for a while, but I feel so uncomfortable just listening for a long time. It feels like eavesdropping after too long.

I really am shy, at least until I feel more comfortable around someone. With a lot of people, it takes a long time to feel confident enough to speak freely if that's the right way to describe it.

Some things I do, but I'm not going to share them with most people unless I agree with them. Unless they've shown that they can respectfully disagree, then I might. I grew up in a family where I wasn't really allowed to have differing opinions.

Both things happen. Sometimes I have something to say, but I'm too shy or quiet to say it (there are no lulls in the conversation and I'd feel like I'd have to shout over people). And other times I don't have anything to say and over time I'm going to lose focus on the conversation.

I talked to my boyfriend last night and he says because of the politics of a lot of the musicians in the area, neither of us have anything in common with others as a lot of them are "insiders". I'm at a distinct disadvantage because I'm female and neither hot nor related to the right men and those in charge are misogynistic. Come to find out I was really screwed even at the university because the same guy who has influence over the union (and apparently the guy who runs it) also controls a lot in the music program at the university. So I've never had a chance here. My boyfriend has lived in several different states and said this level of corruption is an anomaly. Both of us want to leave as soon as possible, especially since there are little to no career opportunities in the area for either of us.