Having a hard time dealing with dominant person

There is a dominant person who I have to deal with from time to time and I can not stand this person. They always have to control conversations. They make the conversation about them and all I do is listen, because I can't get a word in edge wise. And why should I spend my time listening to them blow about their life and issues? They never ask me how I'm doing, just expect me to listen to them brag or complain or whatever it is at the moment they want to talk about. They act like a know-it-all. As if their authority rules and they are always right, so everyone needs to take their advice or heed their warnings. They are impossible to walk away from because they have this creepy controlling thing they do where they command your attention and follow you as you try to walk away. This person actually complained to me one time that someone else they know seems to run from them whenever they see each other. Gee, wonder why???!!!I'd like to run too, and I usually try to make an escape if I can. This person has no respect for boundaries either. You could be entertaining a guest in your yard and this person would walk right up to your house, enter your yard and start making conversation like they own the place. Barging in on conversations is so easy for them. Some would call it moxy, I call it RUDE. What's the best way to handle a person like this? I think ignoring them is too nice. I've had it and am about to start getting ugly with this person.

Are their neighbors? I can't imagine people just walking into my place? Are they not aware you dint want them there?

There are lots of suggestions on Youtube, watch enough videos and I bet you'll find an appropriate technique:

How To Get Out of a Conversation


Think of the situation as a game where you track how quickly/ rate yourself on how well you end your conversations with this person. Of course, a smashing success would be if you can figure out ways to exit quickly without being rude. I bet there are 50 ways to end a conversation.....

When I worked in a call center, I would sometimes let conversations go on to long. I think this happened because I wanted everyone to like me but they were just strangers so I should have set better boundaries. It is polite to listen to what others have to say but we should value our own personal time too. Some people just get pissed off and you might as well just go ahead and enforce the boundary because it's not you---it's them....

I understand what you're saying. I have a dominant family friend who is one of my mom's best friends and who runs the pool next door so I can't exactly avoid her. There have been so many times that I'd have to listen to her angry and mind numbing chatter for such long periods that I avoid her when I can. She's also negative and brash and doesn't get along with many people. I go to the pool at 8:00 in the morning because I know she doesn't come until 11:00.

This past time, she was harassing me in my own home to get rid of my daughter's dog who attacked and almost killed my mom's dog. I was furious. Very quickly I said thank you, I'll think about it then turned my back, walked into the den and shut the door. What else could I do? I usually end up having to walk away and then I feel rude and bad.

If you come up with some good answers, I'd love to hear it. Best wishes.

You have to act in a way that you fear is rude. It's not really rude because this person has no right to the amount of attention they are demanding. And don't think they don't know what they're doing. As you say, they don't respect boundaries. This is a form of aggression. Not everyone they try this on will tolerate them. They have been successfully pushed back by some people. You can become one of those people. You just have to do what it takes . . . and not feel sorry for them.

If they walk in the yard, while you're entertaining, say: "We're in the middle of discussing something private; you'll have to leave." (Then you can simply tell your guest, later, that this individual is intolerable and has to be re-directed.) In the face of extreme stubborness, threaten to call the police. I know that sounds extreme, but people like this can be extremely willful. Hopefully, this person won't get that impossible, but, when someone is testing your resolve, it can become a battle of wills. Once they know that, on your own property, you are going to prevail no matter what it takes, they will back off. Just your willingness to do whatever it takes can change your demeanor in such a way that the person will back off. Like I said: this is a form of aggression.

You might feel sorry for the person, thinking that they are mentally ill, in some way . . . and they may be. But, even in a psychiatric facility, one of the first things that staff do consistently is to set limits on intrusiveness . . . and enforce those limits.

I think that, if it gets that bad, you may think of getting "rude".. by that I mean, being actually honest with how you feel. If you can't listen to her because you're busy and have other things to do, tell her exactly that - no matter how rude it may sound at first. Try to be kind at first, but if it doestn't work, stand up for yourself..

Thank you all for your advice. This person is very good at smiling and offering favors so you think they are the sweetest person in the world. Until you realize it is just a cover for their aggressive behavior and they expect something in return for every favor they do. Ugh!!!