[Bellum31]

So I'm very new here, but something that has caught my attention reading the other posts, I am using my old relationship status to not move forward in my current relationship. Let me explain: I was married for 4 years and one day when I came home from work my then partner had emptied his closet and left. A lot of fights later we separated and never got divorced (I don't even know if he is still alive). I ended all our mutual friendships (I don't like to be gossiped about) and got rid of everything we built together, it's weird I know. This was six years ago. My current partner wants to get married, but I'm afraid and using the "currently married" thing to put it off. We have been engaged for 4 years, but I'm still afraid it could turn ugly once we're married. I like it the way it is now. I'm so confused...

[Sunflower123]

Be honest with your current partner. Don't feel pressured into marriage before you are ready. Can you work on this in therapy? You might feel better if you got closure on your first marriage via divorce. Good luck and best wishes.

[healingme4me]

Aside from using it as a way to not move your current relationship forward, the still married aspect can have a long term effect on other aspects of your life, legal effects, credit woes etc.
Even though it's a way to maintain distance, I personally enjoy the liberation of it all, divorce that is.
Have you told your boyfriend about how scared you are? Coming home to an empty home is no small effect.