[Misssy2]

For me this is unexceptable:

Case..My boyfriend and i lived together for 3 years. I had a drinking problem he had a drug problem. It was my house I asked him to leave

Split on....bad terms I had him evicted.

1.5 months later we decide we want to date.
Something magical happens...we were both sober and i have never felt so loved or so willing to love before...It felt like a safe, protected journey.

I am still sober a couple of months ago boyfried slipped up and he didn't have anywhere to "hide" to do the crack/cocaine. So he went to an old "haunt"...where there is 2 females..He never told me he was doing this while he would leave me in his bed at his apartment and go do his thing..he told me it was with a guy...he told me he was going to a guys house.

So..last night he sends me a text and says he has to tell me something..He tells me what he has been doing..and wanted to know if I wanted him to stop going over there (this girl Monica one of the girls is texting him now)...They talk innocently enough but you can read the flirtation within the texts....

He tells me today he won't ever go there again if I don't want him to but one of the girls is very sick and he has been friends with her for a long time

I don't want to have this discussion with him NOW. He should have discussed it with me either prior to going over there or directly after..not 2 months after...

All day I told him today that I would consider remaining in a relationship with him and I would think of how I felt about him going off to go do drugs/alcohol with 2 women...and that I would be honest with him.

So...I was honest for how I feel about all this...I told him I do not want to be in a relationship with him....too many secrets..lies...AND THEN he trys to act like what he does is no big deal....It is unacceptable to me for him to go party with 2 females...every once in a while....

I know he loves me...to death...I know that he says he can be trusted..but I also know one of the girls he was with that is still texting him..I know drugs/alcohol can lead to feeling too uninhibited...she used to have a crush on him about 12 years ago...It doesn't feel right in my gut.

So I told him I am done with this....he says please..I won't go there...I say...no please do go there..your going to need your "friends" cause I won't be around.

He thinks its fine to hang out with them.

[Bill3]

If it was no big deal to go there then why did he lie to you about it for two months?

I'm sorry thst he has let you down like this, I'm sorry for the pain this must bring you.

[Erebos]

Dunno,I am a drug addict. Have been for 20 + years, all my friends are men.
My fella wants me to be safe when using, (I use heroin) but he for want to be around me when I do it.

In this instance his only options are end it, he won't.
Or accept these are just friends, which they are.

I have personally rarely done something high that I wouldn't have done sober.
Mostly I think that's convenient lie people tell themselves to justify bad behaviour.

Personally I would tell him to come back when he is clean and sober, but that you can't promise you'll still be there.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're in such a tough position. I agree with the previous 2 posters. I hope whatever decision you make will bring you peace and healing. Sending big hugs.

[Misssy2]

Bill3...that is what I asked him...why did he not tell me for 2 months? Then tell me.
I think he decided to tell me because he was getting text messages that I would enevitably see because he's always asking me to get his phone...read his messages because he can't see...and I didn't really notice that he hadn't asked me to get his phone in a while..after he told me.

Erebos..thank you for your honesty about your conditions with drugs.
And it could be perfectly platonic, its just that he didn't tell me. I understand WHY he didn't tell me the first night he went...because I would have gotten upset and had a million questions that he didn't want to deal with..so he just did it...I get that...but he has been there a few times he said...and now is saying he will "SACRAFICE" not seeing them if that is what I want.....Sacrafice? Don't bother...

Jennifer and all thank you for your sweet understanding and feedback.

Yesterday, I was seeing this as a small lie that I could potentially get over with a good explanation and apology.

Today, I see this as total betrayl..of what I thought was the truth of our relationship....I felt safe..and I no longer feel safe..he thinks I'm over reacting.

I have so much ANGER at him not understanding how I feel...and for not apologizing.

So, I told him last night I text an old "friend" since we are visiting old haunts..and I think he should continue to see his "friends" cause I'm not only going to see old "friends" but i hope to make new ones...I'm just so hurt and pissed. I didn't text anyone...but his tone really changed in the texts...after that...I don't think he likes the shoe on the other foot.