[fijiisland]

I think I have fallen for him or possibly fallen for the whole idea of everything. I am on a roller coaster ride. I am up and down. High and low. If I don't hear from him in 12 hours I think it is over. I don't want it to be over. He told me he really likes me and asked me if that was bad. I never answered him. I don't want him to know I feel the same way.
At the same time, I think he could be with others and he could be messing with me. I really don't know.
I know I need to end this but I don't want to. Should I just block him and never see his texts again? I am so emotional. It has been going on for almost 2 months, though this past week he seems more distant.
Right now I have that sick butterfly feeling in stomach. I guess that means I have fallen for him? This was supposed to be strictly FWB situation.

[metalchick]

If he feels the same way, why not get into a relationship with him?

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by metalchick

If he feels the same way, why not get into a relationship with him?

Eh....his wife might object. Just a thought, ya know.

[TishaBuv]

Text him this is not healthy for you, then block him. You are making a wise choice to protect yourself. Good self-esteem move!

[Sunflower123]

I agree with Tisha. I don't see a happy ending for this. You might want to block him. Best wishes.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Eh....his wife might object. Just a thought, ya know.

You crack me up.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by fijiisland

I think I have fallen for him or possibly fallen for the whole idea of everything. I am on a roller coaster ride. I am up and down. High and low. If I don't hear from him in 12 hours I think it is over. I don't want it to be over. He told me he really likes me and asked me if that was bad. I never answered him. I don't want him to know I feel the same way.
At the same time, I think he could be with others and he could be messing with me. I really don't know.
I know I need to end this but I don't want to. Should I just block him and never see his texts again? I am so emotional. It has been going on for almost 2 months, though this past week he seems more distant.
Right now I have that sick butterfly feeling in stomach. I guess that means I have fallen for him? This was supposed to be strictly FWB situation.

Sick butterfly feeling usually means your guts send you a signal: this ain't healthy. You can do better. Block him. You don't even owe him an explanation.

[Erebos]

You know he's messing with you...he's still fking his wife.
So it's a given.

I am guessing he's married based on the replies to your post. If this is correct, you owe it to yourself to stop this rollercoaster ride now. You are on a rollercoaster which is going to land you right into a toxic waste dump of dysfunction.....you know better in your heart of hearts....your best self is telling you to abandon ship and it's right on the money. Do yourself a favor and get out now before it gets worse for everyone involved. With compassion I urge you to put yourself first and get out NOW.

[jackheily4]

I am not a big expert on that. But I think you should do a mutual. If she wants to continue then you should try for it. Good luck!

[divine1966]

You don't know what might happen if the wife finds out. You don't know her and how she might react. I was watching this program once how wife sued mistress of her husband for contributing in "alienation of affection". I believe she won or at least caused huge distress. I am not saying she'll do it but who knows what she might do. I'd run now before it's too late

[Misssy2]

I had an affair with a married man when I was younger...when I look back I am disgusted with myself..in my case..I just happened to be the one from the house to bring his son back to him (we were all babysitting for him)..and when I did..I had forgotten the bottle in my car...I went back and started making out with him!.

Escalated from there...when I think about that situation I feel ashamed of myself...the man appeared to be happily married....as a women..I would be devestated if I found out something like that about my husband....

Its just not good for yourself...And the fantasy of being happy with a man that is married is an illusion because there will be either the wife finding out..and some hard stressful times/decisions...OR...you will just continue to have the affair......

How about this: Stop having the affair..start looking for someone that has potential to be YOUR partner...maybe think about what you like about this married guy and look for it in a single guy.

I wish you luck..it would be hard to end the affair of course..but think of the things I said...It all comes back to you feeling like **** about yourself..if he stays with you or if you leave him....if he stays with you ...you may get to watch him and his wife go thru divorce proceedings...you may or may not have the feeling you destroyed a family.

And then there is...he cheated on his wife...what if someday he cheats on you?
I would want to find someone who was all about me from the get go....and not just trying to escape his boredom with his marriage

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Misssy2

I had an affair with a married man when I was younger...when I look back I am disgusted with myself..in my case..I just happened to be the one from the house to bring his son back to him (we were all babysitting for him)..and when I did..I had forgotten the bottle in my car...I went back and started making out with him!.

Escalated from there...when I think about that situation I feel ashamed of myself...the man appeared to be happily married....as a women..I would be devestated if I found out something like that about my husband....

Its just not good for yourself...And the fantasy of being happy with a man that is married is an illusion because there will be either the wife finding out..and some hard stressful times/decisions...OR...you will just continue to have the affair......

How about this: Stop having the affair..start looking for someone that has potential to be YOUR partner...maybe think about what you like about this married guy and look for it in a single guy.

I wish you luck..it would be hard to end the affair of course..but think of the things I said...It all comes back to you feeling like **** about yourself..if he stays with you or if you leave him....if he stays with you ...you may get to watch him and his wife go thru divorce proceedings...you may or may not have the feeling you destroyed a family.

And then there is...he cheated on his wife...what if someday he cheats on you?
I would want to find someone who was all about me from the get go....and not just trying to escape his boredom with his marriage

This. I can't thank you enough Missy for saying what you did. This is exactly what Fuji should do. Focus on men who aren't married. Stop being a homewrecker.

[Tsukiko]

Absolutely, Misssy. As someone who has been in a very similar experience, I always had this thought in the back of my mind that he would eventually do the same thing to me that he was doing to his wife. Sure enough, it was happening the whole time. He had a whole slew of other woman.

As hard as it may seem, get away from this guy. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Something better will come along and you'll experience a happiness that you could never get from the guy you're currently seeing.

And for the record, the "side" person isn't the homewrecker. The individual who is cheating on his or her spouse is the homewrecker.

Originally Posted by Misssy2

I had an affair with a married man when I was younger...when I look back I am disgusted with myself..in my case..I just happened to be the one from the house to bring his son back to him (we were all babysitting for him)..and when I did..I had forgotten the bottle in my car...I went back and started making out with him!.

Escalated from there...when I think about that situation I feel ashamed of myself...the man appeared to be happily married....as a women..I would be devestated if I found out something like that about my husband....

Its just not good for yourself...And the fantasy of being happy with a man that is married is an illusion because there will be either the wife finding out..and some hard stressful times/decisions...OR...you will just continue to have the affair......

How about this: Stop having the affair..start looking for someone that has potential to be YOUR partner...maybe think about what you like about this married guy and look for it in a single guy.

I wish you luck..it would be hard to end the affair of course..but think of the things I said...It all comes back to you feeling like **** about yourself..if he stays with you or if you leave him....if he stays with you ...you may get to watch him and his wife go thru divorce proceedings...you may or may not have the feeling you destroyed a family.

And then there is...he cheated on his wife...what if someday he cheats on you?
I would want to find someone who was all about me from the get go....and not just trying to escape his boredom with his marriage

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by Tsukiko

And for the record, the "side" person isn't the homewrecker. The individual who is cheating on his or her spouse is the homewrecker.

Thank you for pointing that out. And frankly, the term 'homewrecker' is so archaic. The fact is, if there is an affair going on, the people involved do not need to be labeled, mocked, bullied, or anything else judgmental. They need caring professional help.

fijiisland, As for having an affair: You will regret it. I promise you that. It'll be a blast, a great high, for about 9 months, then it'll crash and you'll have a disastrous mess on your hands. I've been married for 35 years and have had four affairs during that time. Every single affair caused tremendous chaos in my life, and in the life of the man I was involved with. The last, and final, affair I had ended with me being in physical danger and losing my home and most of my possessions because I had to escape...I was literally in danger for my life.

PLEASE get therapy NOW. Turn away from the Hollywood concept of a romantic affair, get real, recognize and accept that you are in a state of delusion about what you think you're getting involved with, and GET HELP.

[Tsukiko]

I absolutely agree. There is no use is making a sad situation even more depressing by having an outsider abusing the people in the situation.
People are so quick to judge those who have been in affairs. Rarely do people stop to think about the factors behind the affair. Some people do indeed have affairs out of selfishness, but more often than not, the story goes much deeper. Some need is being unmet somewhere along the line. In my eyes, that requires unconditional love rather than judgement.

*end rant*

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

Thank you for pointing that out. And frankly, the term 'homewrecker' is so archaic. The fact is, if there is an affair going on, the people involved do not need to be labeled, mocked, bullied, or anything else judgmental. They need caring professional help.

fijiisland, As for having an affair: You will regret it. I promise you that. It'll be a blast, a great high, for about 9 months, then it'll crash and you'll have a disastrous mess on your hands. I've been married for 35 years and have had four affairs during that time. Every single affair caused tremendous chaos in my life, and in the life of the man I was involved with. The last, and final, affair I had ended with me being in physical danger and losing my home and most of my possessions because I had to escape...I was literally in danger for my life.

PLEASE get therapy NOW. Turn away from the Hollywood concept of a romantic affair, get real, recognize and accept that you are in a state of delusion about what you think you're getting involved with, and GET HELP.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by Tsukiko

I absolutely agree. There is no use is making a sad situation even more depressing by having an outsider abusing the people in the situation.
People are so quick to judge those who have been in affairs. Rarely do people stop to think about the factors behind the affair. Some people do indeed have affairs out of selfishness, but more often than not, the story goes much deeper. Some need is being unmet somewhere along the line. In my eyes, that requires unconditional love rather than judgement.

*end rant*

Most definitely. The reasons for an affair are multi-layered and run very deep. That's why therapy can be so helpful.

Tsukiko mentions 'unmet need', I think that is where you need to be focussing OP, not on him (he is just a symptom of where your issues lie IMO).

Think about what it is you are getting from this affair - validation? Excitement? Whatever it is look at ways you can meet these needs in a more satisfying and stable manner, it might be changing your career/lifestyle, but this is likely to go way deeper than this symptomatic affair.

[fijiisland]

As the "side" person isn't the homewrecker. The individual who is cheating on his or her spouse is the homewrecker.[/QUOTE]

thank you for that! I am always the one that gets blamed. Yes, I set out to cheat but so did he!