codependent coworker?

Hello all. Not sure where I should post this questions.

My coworker is married to an alcoholic. We work in a small office where it is often just the two of us. For many years I have been listening to her complain about her husband but she never does anything about it. I believe she wants everyone to feel sorry for her. She will actually make comments like "oh, she feels sorry for me." I truly believe she thinks no one else has problems. She thinks she "deserves" special treatment because of her home life.

How can I handle this? Sometimes it really gets me down. All day long it is negativity and whining because her life is so hard due to her alcoholic husband.

I have often told her that she is the only one that can do something about it.

What would you do?

You could just be rude & tell her that you have heard this over & over again & it's obvious that after this much time she has no interest in doing anything but complaining about her life so you would appreciate it if she would just keep her whining to herself.

Retire.

Find a new job

& of course there is always the ignore method.

Really, not to make light of your situation. I understand how hard it is to be around this. There is probably no really good solution & I am sorry you are having to work around this negative situation

The only thing you can do is listen, show as much understanding as you do and offer ways to cope. If that doesn't work, I'd put boundaries.

I agree with Eskie on the just be blunt and tell her to stop whining over and over and not helping herself.

I have no patience for that ongoing drama... But then again I am a pretty much a blunt person. I dont go out of my way to hurt anyones feelings but her non stop drama is wearing on you.

Set boundaries and dont allow her to set over the line.

I third Eskie.

I actually told a very close friend of mine, as well as my niece, that whining about their SO's are off the table if we are to remain close because they have knowingly (one is a cheater and the other is a man child) chosen to stay with these men, so in my eyes, lose the right to complain about them.

At least to me.

This boundary has done wonders, as I have been able to retain my respect for them and my relationship with each of them is back on firm footing.

I have told her that she is the only one that can do something about it. I have told her she made the choice to stay with him so she should accept it.

She responds in her sad voice "I knowwwwww."

I guess she doesn't get the hint and just likes to whine.

I am looking for a different job.

It's a shame to leave your job if you like it. Can you tell her you can't talk about it anymore because it disturbs you too much, makes you too upset, etc? You could do what other posters have suggested and tell her that you do care and are supportive but the constant talk on this subject is distressing to you and it has to be toned down. Good luck.

Don't hint, flat out tell her in as kind a tone as possible, that the topic is off the table. End of

If she wants to whine she needs to speak to her family or a therapist.

Have done the same as trippin, my mother was with an abusive husband and I had enough hearing about it.
She knew the deal, made the choice.
I just said to her, I didn't want to hear it any more. That we could still talk but conversations about her husband were a no go.

Hinting NEVER works. If they are so oblivious to be willing to figure out what they can do to solve their problem they are oblivious to hints,

Besides their mind is totally consumed with their issue & it becomes their identity. Only being kindly straight forward about how they are affecting the people around them will they even possibly hear & get it. Their thoughts on their problem block out everything else unless almost using a baseball bat to get their attention.....then let them know "THERE WILL BE NO MORE talk of that around me.....have had enough period!!!! It's called setting boundaries.