[SheilaKathy]

When I was a child, my parents fought constantly. A lot of the time it was about me and how they thought I should be raised (and my sister too, of course). They argued about all kinds of stuff. The anger in our home was so loud and so disturbing that I was to some degree traumatized by it, I think. It was a daily thing, if not an hourly thing.

On the last day of my last high school classes, I left home, never to return. Sure, I visited now and then, but I never lived with my parents again, other than for a week here or there to spend some time with them. I didn't even stick around to go to my graduation or get my high school diploma!

I made sure to marry a man who was peaceful. We hardly ever argued. The one weekend we did argue, we sat down, finally and talked about it. As it turned out, we had an employee who was lying to each of us about the other! We fired the employee, and that was the end of our arguments. We were married 23 years, til the day he died.

I have been a member of another forum for mental health. Recently I had joined a kind of Social Group there and when I expressed some deep seated beliefs there, which was not against the rules, I got blasted with about 10 nasty messages about what I was posting and criticized by one member of the group. I should have reported the person, but I didn't. I just held my peace and continued to share my thoughts as I had been.

Well, a couple of folks left the group, then one person told the person who was spewing anger at me that she was kind of out of line and being disrespectful to me. Then the leader of the group pulled the plug on the whole group and deleted it! However, before she did so, she said she agreed with most of what this angry person had spewed at me!

I ended up getting banned from that website shortly thereafter for some really obscure rule which was not even written in the rules there at all! It was a temporary ban, so I got reinstated eventually. (The ban supposedly had nothing to do with what happened in that group). However, I am quite sure that it had more to do with this group that I was involved with, than it did with this unwritten rule. That is just a hunch.

Then I asked how to delete my account there. I wanted OUT. I was pretty depressed and a lot of my upset was to do with all the anger that had been spewed at me. They said they don't delete accounts there. That my only option was to "hibernate." So I asked to do that, and they banned me instead, again temporarily, this time due to my mental state, which was a mixed episode of manic/depression combined. They said my mania was the reason and that I was having trouble with "dysregulation."

Well, maybe it was, who knows. I cannot be the judge of that. None the less, I sort of want to be there and I sort of don't. I had been a member there in good standing for 5 years. The place has been a huge part of my life. However, in recent times, the friends of the 2 people mentioned above have been making some snide comments to me. Nothing they could be banned for, just sarcastic or something.

The person who threw all the anger at me wrote a lot of negativity against me in her diary. She blocked me, so I didn't even have a chance to clear anything up with her. So that is how it all stands there for me right now. I feel as if I have been wronged, but there really is nothing I can do about it.

Like I said. I hate anger. I always have. I avoid it like the plague. That was why I wanted to leave, even though I have 100s of friends there. Even though so much that is good has happened there. Still, I cannot get over what went wrong. It hurts....

So, for once, I am angry! A rare thing in my life.

[Hobbit House]

Yes, people can be cruel. You have to be better than them.... or they win.

Sorry you went through that on that site. In a way, I know how this feels for you. I just posted about leaving a MH forum where I had been a contributing member for two years because it became too toxic for me.

I understand you may have mixed feelings about leaving, so perhaps just take a solid vacation from it and return when you feel rejuvenated and less angry? You have every right to be angry, and honestly, these ppl sound unhealthy to me to be spewing such hatred and anger, but I also understand you have lots of good things there too and lots of friends so it's harder. I am rambling... lol. Perhaps a vacation from the site will help. ((((hugs)))

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you've had that experience. It's unacceptable and it's good you left that web site. I grew up with an angry, aggressive, hostile father so I empathize completely. It can be a nasty thing. I'm glad you are here now. The majority of people are supportive.

Sounds terrible! I hope you find more support here.

[SheilaKathy]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you've had that experience. It's unacceptable and it's good you left that web site. I grew up with an angry, aggressive, hostile father so I empathize completely. It can be a nasty thing. I'm glad you are here now. The majority of people are supportive.

I'm glad you are finding the majority of folks here to be supportive. That is what I am here to experience. That is what I need!

[SheilaKathy]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you've had that experience. It's unacceptable and it's good you left that web site. I grew up with an angry, aggressive, hostile father so I empathize completely. It can be a nasty thing. I'm glad you are here now. The majority of people are supportive.

Yes, it was mostly my father who was the angry one, and it wasn't always expressed toward my mother either, sometimes it was expressed toward me. I was young. I was learning about what kinds of things upset him and trying not to do those things. Sometimes that was tough, because he hated "noise" and let's face it, kids are noisy!

Also I had an undiagnosed learning disability, dyslexia, and so I was unable to learn. He called me "stupid" because of this, and "lazy" too. These labels have been so hard to dispel! They haunt me. Once the LD was diagnosed, he stopped calling me these things, but the damage had already been done. Here I am in my mid-60s and still these labels "get" me sometimes!

We need to free ourselves from these kinds of things in our pasts! How do we do that?