WTF am I going to do?!

Okay, so I have been chatting with this guy on OKC (save me the comments about OKC).

He's in the National Guard and then also works at an auto parts store managing their shipping department. We've been chatting for a bit while I've been out of town and while he's been deployed because of the hurricane. (We're in the same town in Florida.) He's 9 years younger than me, but I can't be picky.

Okay, so all my pics on my profile are true to life. I have full-body shots that show I'm no stick, I've got plenty of, well, large, curves. So I feel no compunction that he should expect anything he hasn't seen.

We've been mostly just sort of friendly chatting but today he got a little sexy flirtatious with me, which was fine. I don't really like too much of that when we haven't met yet, but he didn't persist. He just made a couple of comments about being deployed...etc...not going to repeat what he said. It was just innuendo.

He's almost done with this deployment and I know he's going to want to meet up. A couple of things: I start a new job on Monday, and I won't have any money myself until Wednesday or Thursday when my unemployment comes through. I don't think it's so bad to put him off until Thursday, since he knows I have a new job I'm starting too. I won't work on Friday, so it will be okay to see him that night if he wants.

Here's what I'm so nervous about...the scars. The scars all over my body. I'm not even talking about the stretch marks from my weight gain, but the damn scars! They are everywhere and some of them are so bad. I am afraid he'll be disgusted with me. I mean, I even have them on my chest (only two thankfully). My arms are shredded, and my calves are bad. Of course there's the scar on my cheeks, but oh well.

What do I say? It's obvious, and I can't cover them all, nor am I going to.

How do I explain it? Part of me just wants to say: I have been around the block and I have been to hell and back, and now I'm stronger and sexier and smarter for all of it.

But I don't know how I'd handle the rejection if he walked away because of the scars.

Will I ever find anyone who will be okay with the fact that my baggage isn't metaphoric?

Seesaw

Yes, I understand how you feel (at least somewhat ), I have large scar, indentation, plus an assortment of other scars in my chest area and sometimes I wonder how big of a turn off they are for my husband. The feeling must be so much more intense with a man you are just meeting.

Does he understand your mental struggles? Many people at PC have scars from self harm and because I have gotten to know their struggles, I feel like if I were to meet them, I would find the scars endearing. I feel sympathy for you thinking about the pain you endured that caused you to injure yourself. If I didn't know your story and know what a brave outstanding person you are -- I don't know if I would feel that way (the same goes for a male if I was single). So if you have told him about some of your struggles, you can rest easy. (You may not have and therefore I may have made it worse but I am just telling you my honest perspective.)

If he does not know your story--I have no idea. Perhaps a male on here would have the best perspective on this.

As usual, I admire you for being a go getter. For planning this date despite your fears. You are younger than me but I consider you a role model in some ways. I think you are awesome. I hope your date goes well.

My fella, 9 years my junior. Met through online gaming.
I've had 4 kids, scarred from ankles to wrists and just piled on 3 stone(36lbs) in the last two years.

So been here, kind of.
Thing is, by the time I was thinking of taking my clothes off. I had been around him enough, and we had talked face to face enough that I was confident of his reaction.
If I had felt for one moment he was the kind of guy to walk over something like that.
I wouldn't be going to bed with him.
Meeting him, is not a free pass you know. It's not even a promise of a second date...It's just a first meeting.

But if you have given the impression he is on a promise, I would definitely undo that if your feelings this fragile about your self image.

And this,isn't about, wether you should have a one nighter or not.
That's entirely your choice.
This is about you being in a good place to get your own needs met.
And feelings good about it afterwards.

Take care luv. Be good to yourself.

I've had enough one nighters for my life, so I'm not jumping into bed with anyone until like, I dunno, a year, lol. Probably not that long, but I'm going to wait to be sure.

I haven't made any promise to him, nor do we even have a date set up. I may be over reacting, who knows.

Seesaw

Have a couple dates first. If it sounds good and promising tell him the truth. If he is right for you, he'd understand.

Yep, agree with that. If you have some visible scars then that will ease you into talking about the rest. Hope all goes well.

Yes, I agree with that. Good luck and best wishes.

Possibly. If he is in the national guard I am sure he has a few. But I got to say... guys are usually oblivious to most things that women think are horrific. It is really shocking. To be blunt.. especially... if they think they will get sex. Even if they won't get it right away.

Go on the dates and feel him out. Don't over think it. In real life he might be someone you don't love or he might reject you for other reasons. Seriously I got rejected once because I wasn't greek. He said he thought it would work out but realized later I was just too "not greek".

Mention this to him upfront before you meet. Depending on how he reacts would definitely be a good indicator of whether you should even meet him or not.

Does anyone else think I should have to explain this before meeting him? I barely know this guy. It doesnt feel like it's any part of his business at this point to me. The scars or my MI.

Heck no. I think if a person has something that severely alter life style/mobility like someone is permanently in a wheel chair or paralyzed, they need to
tell before meeting, I prefer not to be ambushed. But telling about MI
or scars before meeting? I dont think so. You might not even click on
a first date.

Of course you don't have any obligation. However, thinking back on some of my closest, most instaneous connections with people--when you really connect with someone--you are not afraid to ask about obvious things early on in the relationship and the other person is able to talk about it with you. If I really liked someone, male or female, and they had extremely visible scars, I would ask. One of my high school friends even teased me about being insensitive to her because sometimes things I said just plain came our so wrong (but she knew I cared so we still were good friends--I can be a bad communicator but my intentions were good.) So I agree with Ptangptang, if he asks about your scars, that is your opening to talk about your complex PTSD struggles, not that you have to go into it in depth but in good relationships we don't hide the truth.

I have scars too and worry about that and what a man will think of my body, and as I age it doesn't get better. I don't believe in plastic surgery because it can backfire and have complications worse than scars. I hope you meet someone who makes those thoughts disappear and turn into joy because of how much they love you, scars and all.