Something I really don't like about myself that I've become more aware of lately is a sense of entitlement.. I seem to think people MUST be there for me, or else..! But they have no responsibility where I'm concerned. I should just be grateful when people WANT to help me..

I feel this is anger from when I was young and my parents - who were responsible for my well-being - didn't look after me.. They just didn't know how to. And now I feel I need to grieve that.. Not think anyone else owes me anything. People do the best they can.. They can't give others what they don't want to or don't know how to give! So I'm putting it out there now that I'm SORRY for unfairly blaming people for not meeting my needs.. They're under no obligation.

At the same time, it's OK to have needs, and I can try to find people who are both willing and capable of meeting them. That's my freedom

[MickeyCheeky]

Well, it depends on what you're asking for. Surely a friend might not be there for you 24/7, but he needs to at least be there when you're struggling, for example..

[Sunflower123]

You show a good sense of self-awareness and are changing the things that need to be changed. Kudos.

[s4ndm4n2006]

this is a good place to be. I'm glad you have come to this realization. Although we should pick friends and such that are types willing to be there for us, it's true we are not entitled to that. Besides if we were entitled would it really be that special when someone actually does care to help us? No that would be only them acting out of obligation which is not nearly as fulfilling.

I used to sort of feel this way. Because I didn't get my needs met as a child I would go to extremes to get them met as an adult and it got me in a lot of trouble. Over time I've realized that having someone care for me only out of pity or because I need it isn't fulfilling at all.

When you aim to contribute to someone else's happiness and well being, they are MUCH more likely to be that person in your life who nurtures and supports you. Then all of a sudden,in your mind, your needs no longer become the focal point or reason for communication which was a huge weight off my shoulders. You know that you are valued because of what you gave , not what you got. Any feelings of abandonment also start to dissolve because that person no longer feels completely drained by your behavior when both parties are benefiting.

I was EXTREMELY reluctant to make the choice to change, but once I did, things got a lot easier.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Well, it depends on what you're asking for. Surely a friend might not be there for you 24/7, but he needs to at least be there when you're struggling, for example..

Even the best friends might not be in a state of mind to help you every single time you're struggling, especially if you're in crisis a lot, like I was at one point. Of course there's a difference between this and someone never being there or it being unbalanced on either side. Should be 50/50 imo...I support you, you support me.

[Shazerac]

I applaud your insight. feeling like people owe you something will leave you feeling angry or betrayed when you don't get what you "deserve." You can develop healthy relationships with people where there is give and take and healthy emotional support.

Originally Posted by iPhone

...When you aim to contribute to someone else's happiness and well being, they are MUCH more likely to be that person in your life who nurtures and supports you. .....You know that you are valued because of what you gave , not what you got.

Exactly! It's a two way street.