Hi, I am wondering how I should go about finding a boyfriend. i absolutely exclude dating sites (I find this idea appalling, I think it's total "using" of others, I think it's psychology that when you come to a site like to a supermarket.. well that's the attitude you have that women are bananas.. and you can chose this one or that one without any special responsibility, anyway, it's just that I don't like it). I would like to find a "good" man, a professional, reliable, "kind" (as far as men could be). Not like a user. Who can basically be a decent partner in life. I am 32 y.o. and I am getting quite worried whether I will be able to find anyone at all. I am a "special" kind.. because I have education but due to personal issues I work for less that what people with my level work for. So I am like an "almost". So I don't know how to present this to potential men. Anyway, do you think it happens naturally or would you rather have to work for it?
thanks for your advice

[Shazerac]

That's a good question. One that I don't really have an answer for. I met my husband of 14 years online. I have many relatives and friends who found their spouses on sites like Eharmony and Christian mingle.

Some dating apps are just meat margets and ways to hook up just for sex, this is true. Like Tinder, and...hmmm I'm not remembering the others at the moment.

I read an article recently in the Wall Street journal. That over 50% of people are meeting their partner online these days.

But back to your question....I would say, join social groups of a hobby you enjoy, volunteer for a cause that speaks to your heart, if you have a dog....take them to a dark park. If you jog, join a runners club. If you are a church going person, church sponsored singles meet ups can be fun. Some how you have to get out there in the world and meet people.

[Sunflower123]

You could try the singles group at one of your local churches or ask all your friends to set you up with potential partners. I think it comes naturally for some and others have to work for it. Good luck. Sending big hugs.

[ReptileInYourHead]

Are you comparing women on dating sites to bananas? Lol

[What_the_hell]

I agree with Shazerac! Doing something you enjoy with like-minded people is going to widen your circle of friends/good acquaintances and even if you do not meet your potential boyfriend at the actual meetups, chances are you meet someone who will introduce you to him in future

As for "do you think it happens naturally or would you rather have to work for it?", balance is the key. Being too obsessed about finding someone is going to wear you out and create a heavy energy around you. It may also lead you to rushing into things with someone you don't know that well or who is not actually meeting your needs and standards.
Hoping that things just happen naturally may cause missed opportunities...

So what to do?? Do join these meetups/activity clubs/volunteering causes, do reach out and talk to people you feel attracted to but also be patient and calm, know deep down that you WILL indeed meet this special person and give yourself (and them) time to open up. This openness and calm confidence will attract someone very interesting your way.

Good luck!

[MickeyCheeky]

You could try to join some new activities that you like to meet new people; that way, you'll meet people that share your interests and it will be easier to start from there.

Observation, observation, observation.

Consider those around you who are successful at meeting people. Don't just think on where and how they met but observe their behaviour between one another. Everything from what they say, to how they say it including non-verbal communication.

Expectations - ponder on this too. What are your expectations? What qualities are you looking for? What is important? And of course, too, what is non-negotiable? Are these expectations realistic or may you have to change or tweek them?

Arm yourself then with what you consider both successful and desirable. Now get yourself involved in as much as you feel you can. Volunteer, join groups, seek out locations where such people who will meet your best match are likely to be.

There is a site called 'Meetup'. No it is not a dating site; at least not in a conventional way. It is a way of meeting GROUPS of people with similar interests. I will use a good friend as an example: she belongs to a walking group she met at this site, she also belongs to an event group whereby every month they meet to do something different (ski, gocart, bowl, laser tag, etc). I found a very good book club on Meetup.

[divine1966]

I don't see how meeting new people online either dating or for friendships/hobbies is "using them". I've met good girlfriends on meetup. And Ive met my wonderful husband on eharmony.

[BleedTheFreak]

Is the pursuit of a relationship really something to aspire to? You get so caught up in finding a relationship that when the search becomes protracted, it just makes you more and more depressed. I've never understood why so many people hold finding a boyfriend/girlfriend as such a top priority in life.

Originally Posted by emma345

Hi, I am wondering how I should go about finding a boyfriend. i absolutely exclude dating sites (I find this idea appalling, I think it's total "using" of others, I think it's psychology that when you come to a site like to a supermarket.. well that's the attitude you have that women are bananas.. and you can chose this one or that one without any special responsibility, anyway, it's just that I don't like it). I would like to find a "good" man, a professional, reliable, "kind" (as far as men could be). Not like a user. Who can basically be a decent partner in life. I am 32 y.o. and I am getting quite worried whether I will be able to find anyone at all. I am a "special" kind.. because I have education but due to personal issues I work for less that what people with my level work for. So I am like an "almost". So I don't know how to present this to potential men. Anyway, do you think it happens naturally or would you rather have to work for it?
thanks for your advice

I'm sure you'll be able to find such relationship. I can even tell you it's possible on dating sites. Sure, generally people look for hook-ups, but it doesn't have to be that way. And it's better to use a dating site/app than not doing anything at all.