[What_the_hell]

Couple months ago I started developing a crush on one of my friends (we are both queer women ) - or good acquaintances, I should say. We never really hang out one on one and were not super close, we never 'clicked'. I just felt intense physical attraction towards her and, since she has a reputation of being somewhat of a player but I did see her getting into serious long-term relationship twice (we know each other for 4 years). Thought to myself that becoming 'friends with benefits' would be nice. Just felt so curious about sleeping with her.

Long story short - we ended up hooking up in August and then haven't talked for a few weeks. I was the one to invite her to a group hang out, to which she eagerly agreed and did mention that she 'didn't really know what to say and decided to just leave it'. Later we hang out one on one and got on a friendly note again, we don't feel awkward around each other (I felt super shy for the first time we met after the hook up). She did seem kind of flirty at times plus she constantly teased me but also mentioned she is infatuated with someone else. Therefore, I am pretty sure she sees me just as a friend.. and I do want more :\ thought I am able to pull off a casual thing but figured that's not for me. How do I proceed? I am still very attracted to her and I miss her.

It was my b-day this week and she paid for my (and our other friend's) dinner and *accidently* got me a cake... I can feel it was done from a friendly perspective but I can't help noticing how nice she is to me and how hot she is Not sure if it\s best to 'just leave it' or to try... Help!

[pegasus]

I'm just wondering why you would want to be with someone that has a reputation of being a player? That's a recipe for getting hurt.

[What_the_hell]

Originally Posted by pegasus

I'm just wondering why you would want to be with someone that has a reputation of being a player? That's a recipe for getting hurt.

Guess i didn't word it correctly! Edited the post . She is Ok with having casual sex but when she does like someone & it's mutual she has no problems being monogamous. She's just clear that she is up for 'no strings attached' when she's not taken.

[Amethyst_Stargazer]

That all depends on you. Just make sure you both talk about it before you do otherwise. I don't think I could do that though. That's just me however.

[Shazerac]

I think if you enter into a relationship with someone who views you as a friend, but you want more, your are setting yourself up for pain.

You need to have a discussion about you wanting more BEFORE you get involved. If she makes it clear that you are only going to be friends....Seek elsewhere for a committed relationship.

[What_the_hell]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

I think if you enter into a relationship with someone who views you as a friend, but you want more, your are setting yourself up for pain.

You need to have a discussion about you wanting more BEFORE you get involved. If she makes it clear that you are only going to be friends....Seek elsewhere for a committed relationship.

yeah this makes sense! I am feeling so afraid of being rejected and then having to see this person around - we do have quite a few common friends. So far I am trying to read this person's attitude towards me rather than asking directly.

[Sunflower123]

I agree with Shazerac. Good luck. Hope it works out.

[BleedTheFreak]

Originally Posted by What_the_hell

but also mentioned she is infatuated with someone else.

There you go. Time to move on.

[~Christina]

If you aren't into FWB then leave her as a friend only.

I think nothing but pain will follow if you continue with her .

Good luck

[girlinterupted]

I think that if you are both okay with it and that if you both have clear boundaries set then there shouldn't be a problem

[hvert]

Could you start a direct conversation with her? What I'm getting from your post is that you'd rather have a relationship than FWB, and if that's accurate, I'd probably avoid the FWB because it just gets ... confusing and messy when one person really wants a relationship and the other doesn't (and ALL my fwb situations turned up that way sooner or later, but that could just be me!). Her buying you cake makes me wonder if she might be into you too...