[rdgrad15]

Anyone else feel like people just invite you out of politeness or obligation, especially if you are invited by coworkers or other acquaintances who really never try to have conversations with you? I feel this way a lot. Whether it is acquaintances that don't really care to talk to me or get to know me or coworkers who just don't seem to care either, I feel like they just invite me because they feel like they have too.

With acquaintances in the past, it is probably because they knew they were making plans with a big group and felt like they shouldn't exclude me. For coworkers, basically the same deal. They never try to talk to me really, they always shun me but every so often I will get invited to an outing, which I only attended one of them last year and only stayed for an hour. I just feel like people who do that are only inviting me out of obligation or politeness and don't really want me there. Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like this is more common among coworkers than acquaintances too.

[What_the_hell]

Yess, I've also been in situations when it feels this way. And honestly - you never know if you are overthinking or this is actually the case, unless you actually ask specific person. We can't read people's minds and right now are just making assumptions.

What helped me is to focus on people who I found interesting - be in coworkers or acquaintances - and talk to them, invite them yourself, maybe initiate a group hangout. If somebody shuns you and invites you out of politeness that's probably a sign you don't connect with this person anyway, so why bother? Instead, take away the focus from "whether they like me" to who YOU like and connect with and this is what's truly important.

[RainyDay107]

Actually, when I was working, my co-workers didn’t even bother to invite me. I wasn’t disliked, I just had a different position in the company and everyone else had also worked there for years. I know it wasn’t personal dislike - they just didn’t bother to feign politeness lol

I did accompany them a few times to lunch. But it was ho-hum conversation....I was younger, too. Mature adult but they were older with children, etc. I did legal work in-house and they did corporate office work. I kind of felt isolated, no one to talk about a work issue, etc.

Sad, but true. I don’t miss that job.

With weddings, it’s often customary where I live to invite certain people for politeness. I don’t know how I feel about that.

Do what you want or what is best for YOU.

I will reluctantly go along - then be resentful at the snubbing that ensues.

There are things I am invited to by proxy. I mean I am expected to attend or the invitation is understood as for all. I hate these situations. I have nothing in common with the other individuals and it is often painful - especially when some of these people represent everything to me that is foul in this world. It is all I can manage to keep my mouth shut (imagine being a person who upholds equality for all who is stuck in a room full of outrageously vocal homophobic, religiously intolerant, white nationalists). It is agony.

[Sunflower123]

Is it possible you are having the cognitive distortion of mind reading or assuming? If it makes you uncomfortable, don't go. If you do decide to go, be yourself and see who shows up. I feel for you. I've been in that situation before. I've gone along (it's like playing office politics). Sometimes I enjoyed myself and sometimes not.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Is it possible you are having the cognitive distortion of mind reading or assuming? If it makes you uncomfortable, don't go. If you do decide to go, be yourself and see who shows up. I feel for you. I've been in that situation before. I've gone along (it's like playing office politics). Sometimes I enjoyed myself and sometimes not.

Usually I assume what people are thinking based off of how they act towards me and treat me as opposed to how they act towards others and treat others.