The matter of my sister

So we don't talk. We stopped talking almost 3 years ago... It's hard to explain, but I've applied a lot of thought to the matter, and I think I've figured some things out.

She wants to talk. She's expressed this many times, including in messages to me.

I can't.

The problem is, I didn't cut her off. She brought a puppy home, against everyone's wishes, and next day left it alone, unsupervised, locked in her room while she went to college, to come home late at night, after it had pooped on the floor of the room.

I didn't give her the silent treatment.

I was furious, and berated her for her irresponsible behaviour, especially towards a living being. It was somewhat out of character for me, but I was in a stage of trying to have a honest, transparent relationship.

So next day she gave me the silent treatment.

I guess it's supposed to be an effective method of dealing with negative emotions?

We had actually had a long period (1.5 years) of not talking to each other many years before that. But I was a very different person in many ways, and tried to figure myself out. It had taken an unstable, unformed part of me to start talking again. In some ways manic, obsessive.

What I am now is a lot more disillusioned, depressive, cognizant of my inability to interact with the world effectively.

And my sister's become more part of that world than someone close.

In many ways she's become a stranger, and for me it's very hard to deal with strangers. I can't initiate an interaction, I have to be the target. I don't become a friend, people befriend me (not now).

But it's worse than that.

Because it's weird.

Evidently the "silent treatment" is over.

You don't have to have a relationship with your sister if you don't want to. But that was 3 yrs ago and I bet you have both learnt a lot since then. Things change. See where the conversation goes. Explain it in written form, how you have to us here, that's honest and how it was. That doesn't mean it has to continue like that. Make it feel safe for you, ok.

The problem is, it's taken me so much effort to discuss this issue even in this thread, anonymously... I don't know when I'm going to gather up enough strength to address my sister or someone close.

I am dysfunctional, there's no doubt. I've often wished I could start over in a different situation where I could set the rules afresh.

I guess, in a sense, my sister is only a part of the puzzle. Another part is my father, who's always been distant in a weird way.

Or maybe it's just me.

Yeah, my father is a little similar, except I do speak to him, but only when spoken to.

Do you want to have a relationship with your sister? Like a previous poster mentioned, you don't have to. If it's harmful to you then you can settle this in your mind and move on.

I don't particularly want to. But we used to live together, and she comes over on holidays and vacations (I live with our mother). And she might move back in permanently... in the future... So a somewhat less strained relationship is sort of called for... Or I would like to actually live together with people with whom we might understand each other... Which would mean probably alone... Unfortunatelly, I'm too poor and helpless for that option.