[Serenity32]

Hi, I'm having in law trouble. The thing that has really thrown me more than anything else is an incident that happened earlier this summer. My 4 year old lost consciousness on the way to hospital with suspected pneumonia. I had to call 911 and when we got him to hospital he was very ill, having trouble breathing, requiring lots of oxygen etc I text my in laws at some point later that day to let them know what had happened. His grandmother text back something benign like 'may God take care of him' and then we heard nothing from her or her husband for a full 2 days....he was extremely ill and as his parents we were terrified. After 2 days she sent a text to ask how he was and after a lot of thought I decided to gently let her know we were hurt that they had not been in touch. She replied that she had been traumatized herself by our sons illness and that she felt faint at the exact time he lost consciousness (this turned out to be off by a day timing wise) and that she is psychically linked to him and doesn't need to call and ask about him as she just 'knows' Her husband also sent an angry text defending her and saying again that she just 'knows' what's going on etc and doesn't need to get in touch. I was so hurt that they could know my son was so ill and not need to know he was okay or not want to call and talk to him or us. It's consistent with a history of not keeping in touch and having little to no interest in their grandkids but this was an eye opener. I think I was in denial before and now I'm so hurt and angry I don't know how I can stand to be around them on their annual 2 week visit next year. I'm driving myself crazy trying to understand them. I'd love to hear any opinions. She did eventually apologize in a text about 3 days later. We think my sister in law had a word with her but the family MO is to pretend the entire thing never happened. There are a million more incidents but for me this was by far the most hurtful as I can't think of any excuse that could make it okay. Thanks in advance for any advice!

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. I don’t have any advise but I sympathize and support you. That’s messed up. It looks like you’ll eventually either have to accept that this is their way or talk to them about this in the right setting so this doesn’t fester. Good luck.

[Shazerac]

Welcome to psych central

In Law problems are just awful. Unfortunately there is not much you can do to change them. To begin with, you will make yourself crazy and give yourself the mother of all headaches trying to figure them out. It's a whole inner family dynamic that goes back generations. It's especially hard when children are involved. It may help you to get some kind of counseling to help you deal with their hurtful ways.

yeah, I would be pretty offended.

I regret not standing up to my children's father's parents. They ruled keeping there distance from their grand daughter despite being 3 1/2 bocks away (of course until a boy child arrived). I wish I had then some back bone.

I am trying to think of things to say and they all seem to be passive aggressive and non-confrontational. their reasons are kooky but nevertheless unacceptable. How do you feel about something on the lines of, "I realise you had your reasons but both the child and I were sorry that you did not come. We would have like to have seen you there. We needed to see you there."

Keep us posted.

[~Christina]

I would have been upset too .. But gah Inlaws can be either great or just plain awful..

I had lousey inlaws ! Rude no kind words. I just became a duck and let it all roll off me. Unless they said something unkind to my daughter I just let then look like asssholes.

Hope your situation settles down and you can get past this for your own sake.