[rukspc]

My bf and I have been together for almost 5 months, so it's very new. In early summer, I began going to his place about 2-3 days then went to 4-5 days towards the beginning of fall. He lives in the city and I live in the suburbs with my sister and brother-in-law, which is about 35-40 minutes from my bf's place.

Before the semester started, we decided that he would pick me up and drop off from night class until finished. He is generous for doing this because I don't have to drive in the dark and cold. This also means I stay in the city for about 4-5 days and come back to the suburbs towards the weekend.

He has come over and dropped me off at my place at times when I needed to babysit my nieces. However, I have been to the city and his place more times than he has ever been to mine out in the suburbs. Next week, my family will leave for vacation and I need to watch my niece's fish all 5 days. My sister and brother-in-law invited him to come stay with me out here but my bf said I live too far and there isn't a lot to do out here. I admit that I live far and it'll be a far commute for him to get to work. When I stay with him in the city, it is easier for me bc my work and school are all in the same vicinity.

How do I compromise with him to stay with me here while I take care of the fish? He suggested moving the fish to his place for the weekend but I don't know. I am not complaining that I have to travel to him. But I think it's unfair that he wouldn't come out this way because of how boring and mundane it is. He's traveled out to other suburbs before and even drove out of state with me many times. Am I being picky about this? What should we do?

[Sunflower123]

It sounds like the easiest thing to do would be to take the fish over to his place if the aquarium isn’t too cumbersome. It would be nice if he came out and stayed in the suburbs but since it’s so far for him and it will be for five days, I would pick my battles. Good luck resolving this.

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

It sounds like the easiest thing to do would be to take the fish over to his place if the aquarium isn’t too cumbersome. It would be nice if he came out and stayed in the suburbs but since it’s so far for him and it will be for five days, I would pick my battles. Good luck resolving this.

Thanks, still figuring this one out

[Trippin2.0]

Why can't you just stay home for 5 days?

[divine1966]

I am confused why can't you stay apart for 5 days. Even married couples do. I am very confused with the whole dilemma. Surely two of you do not have to be attached to the hip as it's not healthy and your relationship can survive 5 days apart. Or I am not grasping the issue?

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am confused why can't you stay apart for 5 days. Even married couples do. I am very confused with the whole dilemma. Surely two of you do not have to be attached to the hip as it's not healthy and your relationship can survive 5 days apart. Or I am not grasping the issue?

When you say it like that, it sounds like I'm the stupid one here. I'm only asking because I needed a second opinion. I know that I don't have to be attached at the hip. We have plans next weekend to hang with friends so I'm deciding if I should stay at his place to make it easier and carpool together.

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Why can't you just stay home for 5 days?

Because we planned for this weekend for awhile. We don't spend every weekend together.

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by rukspc

Because we planned for this weekend for awhile. We don't spend every weekend together.

Well plans change. Or rather you changes them by agreeing to care for the fish. I can see how you would feel obligated to watch your nieces fish because you live there and that is thoughtful.

However.....your boyfriends comment about it being boring with nothing to do there raises a red flag for me. At best it's kind of self centered. Worse yet, he's implying that spending time with you out in the country is boring. I would be taken aback by such a comment.

[Trippin2.0]

If your family is due back the Friday, can't he pick you up then?
That's technically when the weekend starts, or is your sister them not due back before the weekend?

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

If your family is due back the Friday, can't he pick you up then?
That's technically when the weekend starts, or is your sister them not due back before the weekend?

She'll be gone Weds-Monday night (late)

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Well plans change. Or rather you changes them by agreeing to care for the fish. I can see how you would feel obligated to watch your nieces fish because you live there and that is thoughtful.

However.....your boyfriends comment about it being boring with nothing to do there raises a red flag for me. At best it's kind of self centered. Worse yet, he's implying that spending time with you out in the country is boring. I would be taken aback by such a comment.

This kind of bothered me too, because it's only for 5 days, and spending some alone time chilling with you in a nice house isn't exciting enough for him? I mean, maybe it was just an off-hand comment that he made without thinking, I don't know.

I think that this would be a good time to maybe get some space and spend the 5 days apart.

Seesaw

[unaluna]

what exactly is the fish situation? If he offered it, it must be possible. If you have a car, why dont you drive yourself back and forth as needed? You dont need a penis to drive a car!

He has already been doing her a favor all semester. Surely his comfort is more important than fishes. Why waste the time and gasoline just for the fish? He has his own place, doesnt he?

"Fair" is not making him drive all those extra miles just so you win this argument.

[divine1966]

I am with unaluna on this. He has been driving you to and from your classes, not because you cannot drive but because you don't want to drive in the dark? It's more than many other people would do for their significant others. He clearly isn't selfish. You now want him to stay in your sisters house and commute far and you are upset that he doesn't want to. Honestly i really don't understand the issue. And I am not stupid.

I swear i don't get this. Sometimes plans change. Just stay and take care of fish and see him later. Or drive yourself back and forth, if he can drive back and forth then you can drive to see friends from your sisters house. If you stay at his place for 4 and 5 days, it's not like you never see him.

[rukspc]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am with unaluna on this. He has been driving you to and from your classes, not because you cannot drive but because you don't want to drive in the dark? It's more than many other people would do for their significant others. He clearly isn't selfish. You now want him to stay in your sisters house and commute far and you are upset that he doesn't want to. Honestly i really don't understand the issue. And I am not stupid.

I swear i don't get this. Sometimes plans change. Just stay and take care of fish and see him later. Or drive yourself back and forth, if he can drive back and forth then you can drive to see friends from your sisters house. If you stay at his place for 4 and 5 days, it's not like you never see him.

It's not because I DON'T want to drive in the dark. It's because I am blind in my right eye and can't see well in the dark. He is not my 'personal' chauffeur and I definitely don't see him as being selfish. I understand that plans change. I'm not stupid either. People here make it seem like I'm some self-centered, clingy girlfriend.

I finally made a decision and sticking with it.

[Patagonia]

I'd stay at the house....& see if he pines for you

[~Christina]

What decision did you make if you feel like sharing ?

[divine1966]

I am sorry to hear about blindness. I am shocked though you were given driver license. People blind on one eye have distorted depth perception among other issues. So you cannot see what's coming at you from your blind side yet you have license? One of my former students was blind on one eye and no way no how he'd be given license and driving. It's incredible dangerous for everyone, not just a driver!