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#1
Jan 16, 2015, 01:18 PM
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Hello All,
I have been married to my husband for 11 years. At first there was little jealousy issues, but the past three years they have gotten really bad. To the point he accuses me daily even though I have never given him an ounce of suspicion. He does come from a very troubled childhood. He acknowledges he has trust issues but he claims they are my fault because of the things I do. I don't understand because from day one I have mad him my world. I love him with all my heart, but I am tired of dealing with the accusations and the put downs. He refuses to seek help in any form because he does not think its that big of a problem and that I have to "heal" him. He did go to therapy once and got diagnosed with anxiety and depression but pulled out after second meeting. How do I continue to love and support someone who refuses to acknowledge that the problems are his and not mine? Any advice is greatly appreciated. |
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#2
Jan 17, 2015, 12:31 AM
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I can see how this type of relationship would be very stressful. I have been in a similar situation and after a while I fell out of love. I do not know if you at to that point or not. Since your husband refuses to get counseling maybe it would be a good idea for you to seek some so you can learn to deal with your husbands insecurities! Good LUck
__________________
People are like stained glass windows They sparkle and shine in the sun but when darkness hits their true beauty is revealed only when there is light within . Elizabeth Krubel-Ros |
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#3
Jan 17, 2015, 10:48 AM
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Hi vanfam, I'd say that it was time to give him the ultimatum of getting help (and you can support him in finding it if needed) or you leaving the relationship/marriage.........do you think??
It sounds like it's not getting any better, in fact you said it had worsened...........and a genuinely loving/supportive relationship/marriage doesn't include a lack of trust and accusations (daily!!), this is sounding more like an emotionally abuse relationship/marriage more than anything else. It really is great that you are understanding about his past and want to support him.........and if he was recognising the need/wanting/trying to take steps, and getting help in resolving things then sure I can see how it might be "mutually beneficial" in you sticking by him/supporting him/being there for him.........but he isn't is he? And you have got to think about yourself too in all of this, and you don't deserve to be treated this way.  Alison |
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#4
Jan 19, 2015, 01:30 PM
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Quote:
I am just wondering if you personally have dealt with jealousy in a relationship and what did you do to help the situation? |
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#5
Jan 19, 2015, 05:45 PM
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He is being manipulative and emotionally abusive and you do not need to put up with it or prove yourself to him. Either he trusts you or he doesn't. Unwarranted jealousy usually comes from a place of them actually being the one that is untrustworthy or self esteem issues. Life is too short to be accused of things you aren't doing or that aren't true. He either needs to seek help for his insecurities or it should be time for you to rethink the relationship.
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#6
Jan 19, 2015, 09:53 PM
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Yes, I most certainly have dealt with jealousy in a marriage. I, too, once used that whole comparing his mental illness to cancer analogy as far as my staying argument.
I kept up in therapy, self help, and support groups, in person and anonymously online. Did his jealousy change, once my reactions changed? Nope. Did things get worse before getting better? They didn't get better. At least I felt better, however... Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk |
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#7
Oct 17, 2017, 02:45 PM
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My husband and I have been married for 22 yrs. We have 2 children together and 1 from of previous relationship of his. There is also a young man in our lives that we consider to be our child as well. He is a friend/brother to our oldest and is now 23. He has been a part of our family since he was 6. The past few yrs my hubby has become jealous/threatened by him. I'm not really sure but it is causing a major problem for me. He told me that I should just get over it because it won't change. I don't know what to do
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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