[rdgrad15]

I've wondered why some friends and even coworkers will sometimes talk to you like they really like your or like you guys are great friends when it is just the two of you but then when you guys are in a group, you get ignored. I know in most cases, it means they probably don't care much about you, at least not as much as they like the other group members. But I've wondered if there were other possible reasons. Usually when this has happened to me In the past, it made me feel like a friend out of boredom or just a back up friend, which was the case at times.

Just wondered though, does anyone know any other reasons why someone may treat you that way? I know the person doesn't always have to talk to you constantly but at the same time, at least they could treat you as a part of the group. What could be the main driving force that causes someone to appear to enjoy hanging out with you alone but ice you out like they don't know you in a group setting? In terms of friendships, it hasn't happened to me in a long time, and a friend who used to do it stopped doing it. But it happens at work though and it just made me think of what other reasons other than just general dislike could cause someone to treat you like that.

[Yzen]

I wonder if people like that change their perspective when in a group. One-on-one, their attention is on you. In a group, their attention is on impressing the group or maybe on building friendships with others they don't know as well as you. It is like they take existing friendships for granted and are more interested in the excitement of new friendships in a group setting.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Yzen

I wonder if people like that change their perspective when in a group. One-on-one, their attention is on you. In a group, their attention is on impressing the group or maybe on building friendships with others they don't know as well as you. It is like they take existing friendships for granted and are more interested in the excitement of new friendships in a group setting.

That makes sense and that could be a factor. In fact, a casual friend who used tondo that to me a few years ago admitted that she ignored me and excluded me in group settings in order to try to invest in new friendships even though I was new to her as well. She just went about it the wrong way by ignoring me and admitting that she was trying to be someone she was not. Unfortunately feeling pressured to be someone you’re not can cause flaky behavior towards others.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Thing is, the fact they ignore you in group settings really does not have any kind of positive reasoning behind it. Instead of trying to analyze what they are thinking, deal with the behavior. It's rude, disrespectful and minimizing of other people to ignore them in the group and no amount of explaining why makes it acceptable.

Decide if you want fair weather friends like this or real friends that treat you respectfully in all situations.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Thing is, the fact they ignore you in group settings really does not have any kind of positive reasoning behind it. Instead of trying to analyze what they are thinking, deal with the behavior. It's rude, disrespectful and minimizing of other people to ignore them in the group and no amount of explaining why makes it acceptable.

Decide if you want fair weather friends like this or real friends that treat you respectfully in all situations.

Yeah true. I agree. It is rude of them and really no excuse. There may be a reason for them to do it but no real excuse though.

[s4ndm4n2006]

My first impulse would be to say that they have a reason to show the group that you are not worthy of acknowledgement and that alone speaks volumes. I really can't think of any other reason that is valid for not acknowledging someone you know just because it's a group setting.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

My first impulse would be to say that they have a reason to show the group that you are not worthy of acknowledgement and that alone speaks volumes. I really can't think of any other reason that is valid for not acknowledging someone you know just because it's a group setting.

Makes sense and yeah you are right, that is how I usually feel about people’s motives when it happens to me too.