[worknonit80]

I’m currently 10 months into a relationship that seemed to be going fairly okay in the beginning. It seemed as though I met my match on every level! At first I noticed we were very different individuals, she has her **** in order and well I didn’t have it all together. I owned my own apartment and had a fulltime career. She owned her house and also has a fulltime career and lived an hour away. She just had her son of 25 come back home to live with her because he got a DUI. She also at the same time had her mom come live with her as she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Then at the same time we met. I knew of her baggage and accepted it! I also lived alone and enjoyed my freedom. Three months in she wanted me to live with her because my lease was up. I told her I wasn’t ready to do that, she took that as I didn’t love her. Finally July comes and I have been consistently sick for 3 months now and it’s extremely affected my job. I had to quit my job because of the harassment and being so ill. She then said please move in here, I finally agreed. The house is jam packed now. Tension in the house has now become stronger. Amy time we go out to drive no she get very angry and puts me down and tells me all these horrible things about me. When she is sober she is fine, rational. Finally after the 3rd going out and treating me like **** when she drinks I said I can’t deal with that. She agreed to quit drinking to find out why she acts like this. We are supposed to get counseling. It has happened yet. Now it’s been over a month of no drinking and now even more anger has come out of her. She tells me I hate her , her family and that I’m all these horrible things. None of which are remotely valid. The only thing I can say is I’m reactive to her slights... I get angry when she calls me these things. I start packing and so on... but never actually leave. Currently I’m still waiting on a surgery and am under her insurance and jobless. She has the financial upper hand. I know and can feel how deeply she feels for me, she truly loves me. I truly love her but it has come down to fighting everyday. Everything she here’s from is twisted to how she perceives it. I have insecurities too but I don’t twist things. Yesterday’s argument stemmed from me saying I wanted us to see my friends too. I live an hr away with her and we see her friends more. I said off the bat, I’m not mad but can we also see my friends as they keep wanting me to visit. She took it as I m telling her she’s keeping me from seeing them. It just blew up from there. Help! I need advice. We can’t even talk to each other without blowing up.... she calls me controlling. I’m not but Because I said I can’t stand the abuse when she drinks, she calls that controlling. Like I’ve made her change. I’m the one that has had to change and adapt to her and her family and the way she runs the house. I feel like I shouldn’t voice my opinions because I’m not the one paying the bills right now.That will change! I really need some good advice. Please and thank you...

Honestly she sounds like a nightmare. :/ I had an ex with anger and drinking issues and ended up staying for almost 3 years before finally leaving. The difference here is that she is financially taking care of you, and that complicates things. If you have any family or friends that you can stay with until you can get back on your feet, that might not be a bad idea. I can tell you from experience that people with these issues are not likely to change unless they WANT to get help, and that doesn't seem to be the case with her.

[worknonit80]

She has agreed to counseling and even to reading some therapeutic books that I recommended. She went ahead and bought them for both of us. I thought was great. I feel she honestly thinks I’m controlling her because I m trying to help us both. She’s open to the help and then not. She comes home everyday disgruntled. The venture house cd be clean and dinner made she seems to find something not to be happy about. Intimacy has gone for over a month now, in which she blames me for. I’ve tried with her saying it’s too late or something. Granite I’m so sick it’s hard but when I do try she finds away out of it. I wish the therapist wd get us in ASAP. Thank you for your advice. This may be a losing battle but at least she’s willing to work on this. That’s when I was like okay here she is wanting us to do better... Great! I just don’t know anymore.

[~Christina]

Seems she is not going to change for long.

As advised is there friends you can go stay with to end this relationship that has gone down a very ugly road .