[sky457]

This is a long story that has caused me much pain to process. I am hoping for help to make sense of the craziness I endured through this situation. It is a long story and I have broken it up into paragraphs. Thank you.

I had a friend that I was close with for about three years (we’ll call her A). We did a lot of things together. We went on adventures, went shopping, talked about the craziness of life, and hung out with mutual friends together. I thoroughly enjoyed our relationship as friends until things started to go south.

I generally had the idea that she may (A) have had feelings for me. I never had firm proof for that and didn't think anything of it. We never explicitly got into discussing it because I didn't want to hurt her and outright reject her. We often talked about everyone we were dating. I dated a lot of people and so did she. I noticed that as she failed more and more, she became more and more bitter about life and men. I did my best to block the anti-men mindset that she seemed to develop with the influence of these ill experiences. She also got close to another girl who had a very cynical mindset about life and relationships. I did my best to divert her attention from that.

Regardless, our friendship seemed to be ok. There were a few hiccups due to each of our respective MI (I have depression and she has bipolar). But we still did a lot together and supported each other.

She (A) consistently talked about a co-worker friend (we’ll call her B) that she knew (we both used to work for the same company) that she wanted to set me up with. I told her that I would like to meet this coworker, but I was wary of making a bad first impression due to my mindset and depression. Regardless, I met her friend on her birthday party. She set her up with me.

I went out with her friend two times (B), and the third time I noticed that she (B) didn't actually want to continue to our third date after our company's potluck the same day as initially promised. I was at the company potluck with A and B and they decided to go to the gym swimming pool after instead of B going out with me. I asked if I could go thinking nothing of it. I exercised and swam laps at the pool with them. I gave B a t shirt that I promised I’d give her after we were done outside and told her that I liked her. I wanted to know if she (B) wanted to keep going because I didn’t want to make it odd at work. I was hoping for her to give me an answer. I would have been ok either way because drama at work is not good. She (B) gave me a vague answer and proceeded to say that she was very busy with planning a friends wedding, moving, and others things going on. She (B) said she wanted to go out again in a few weeks.

Around this time bad things started happening with my family combined with the stress of not knowing if this girl (B) actually wanted to see me or not. My brother has a significant mental illness, my grandfather is on his last legs, my dad is ill, & my grandmother is also on her last legs. I set up a lot of time to talk to A because we had always been there for each other through hardship. I noticed that A began to get more distant from me. I asked her what was going on and she (A) said that she needed to tell me something. I met up with her (A) and she told me that she needed to end her friendship with me. She (A) wrote me a note because it was hard for her to say her thoughts. It amounted to “I cant be as good as a friend as I want or you deserve.” I tried to ask her (A) multiple different ways why she is doing this but the most I got is that “I’m just really sensitive.”

I tried to set things up twice with B in those 3 weeks with two rejections because she was jam-packed with things. After the second one I gave up and didn’t message her (B) again. I heard back 2 weeks later and officially got rejected after she “had time to clear her head and think about what I said.” This was 4.5 weeks after she said she wanted to go out again.

This is the first time a friend (A) dropped me from their life. I was not given a reason, just dropped. I was dropped at my most vulnerable moment after I had been there and helped her through her rough times. Her friend that dropped me (B) als hurt, but not as much as how the entire situation presented myself. I was dropped as a friend, dropped as a romantic interest and left out to dry.

Both of them (A and B) were in my monthly company meetings and sat together at the back while I sat by myself near the front. It was humiliating sitting there and knowingly being placed under two individuals feet and being ganged up on. I felt it as a gang up on me and I was scrambling to understand if I did anything wrong or why I deserved this. My friend (A) recently left my company a month ago.

The girl who I was dating (B) had been giving me mixed signals again at work and 2 weeks ago I texted her why I couldn’t be friends with her or have contact with her outside of work. I mentioned that I didn’t appreciate being strung along and that I wished she afforded me clarity. I told her that I granted her my thoughts and wished that she gave me an answer within a week. She took almost 5 weeks to give me an answer. I told her I couldn’t be her friend but would maintain a respectful relationship as a coworker.

A had been intermittently trying to work her way into a positive light in my life again; saying hi at work, showing up to mutual friend events and acting as if nothing happened, etc.. It culminated after she asked me how I was doing at a mutual friend gathering. I remained stone cold and I asked her if “this is going to continue to be awkward?” She said that she caused the situation, but she diverted away from the issue. She made statements about how she found a new job and I didn’t return the favor by asking her where. She said that everyone wanted me to be at the friend gathering and I responded, “I don’t believe everyone wants me to be there.” When I left I said bye to everyone except her. 1 week ago for my birthday, she reminded a mutual friend to text me for my birthday.

I have cut both of them out of my life because of the pain they both have caused. It also caused me confusion, fear, abandonment, & paranoia. They both knew of the things I was going through as well.

What are your thoughts? Why did this all happen? I apologize for the long post, but it was nothing I have ever experienced before.

[s4ndm4n2006]

honestly knowing what happened even from all that you've said would require knowing what they are thinking which is impossible. Sounds like an unfortunate situation with the ladies and perhaps as vague and/or ambiguous they are about how they feel about you it seems to me that you probably dodged a bullet by dropping both of them from your social life. look for people to be with that are more clear on what they think and want in life and with friends and you'll be much happier and less confused.

[sky457]

Yea thanks. It had been so confusing to the point that I had to completely check out.

Walking away from this situation was the best thing you could have done. They both sound quite immature and thoughtless. I would focus on yourself and try to process the bad feelings that remain. As time passes, you will be more able to make any changes in your own personal and professional life, but before that, spend time on you, and healing.

[~Christina]

You did the best thing possible for yourself .

[sky457]

Thanks guys, that means a lot.