[singular]

Okay, I'll try to make this short. I'm 57 years old and have leukemia. My marriage is failing. My husband is an alcoholic and a mommas boy and non-supportive. My mother is always threatening to cut me out of the will if I express myself and tell her that she's hurt me. She uses this all time.

I can no longer stay in this marriage. My MIL has made outrageous, hurtful comments about me and my family. I've lived w/ this for almost twenty years. My husband is an alcoholic. I picked him up when he was living in a basement. I had a career and was doing extremely well. I didn't want to depend on my family. I bought a house and my husband moved in with me.

Unfortunately I got acquainted with the opiate dilaudid and it almost wiped me out. My husband did nothing about the situation. He worked for the woman to keep up the supply she was selling to me. Why? Then he bought land in another state where his mother resides without telling me. She cosigned because he had awful credit and a bad work history.

Fast forward... I got help for the substance abuse and have been clean since 2003. I had to file bankruptcy and lost my townhouse. However, the house I bought was worth quite a bit. We sold because my husband lost his job. We moved here in 2004. He got his job back in 2005 and has been driving about 130 miles and stays with my mother. I had to set boundaries with my MIL and since then she has become hateful.

The problem is I recently found out I have leukemia. I have no job and my husband is making the living. Disability is hard to get for CLL. Stress is not good for the condition.

I've told my mother that things between my husband and I are terrible. He is still staying with her but they are not dining together because I pretty much put an end to that because of some of the things I was hearing from my husband. It wasn't healthy. My mother has called him numerous names and when we first got married had me in tears because she said she "didn't want that son-of-a-***** around." She doesn't get along with my sister's husband primarily because he doesn't kiss her ***.

A few years ago she made a point of telling me and my sister how much she was worth. Quite a bit (which my Father, who is now deceased, made most of). I have been extremely careful with my money. We haven't been on vacation, the movies, dinner, parks ANYWHERE for twenty years. I buy my clothes from Goodwill and everything I have is from when I was working in VA. I had a goal and had quite a savings.

I have told my mother what is going on with me and my husband. Last night after listening to her and conversing about pleasant things for about two hours she says "have Craig call me." Now, why do I feel betrayed? Do I have the right? Just a few weeks ago she called him a two-faced son-of-a-***** so I called her on it this morning because it's been bugging me. Why the change of heart so often? See, my husband works around the house for her and, like I said, kisses her ***. I go between being thankful to him for taking care of her (she's 92) and then just wanting him to stay with his brother who lives a five mile distance further. She doesn't say the hurtful things to my husband; she tells me. It is a burden off my mind (and my sister's mind) that he's staying there three nights a week but it has become so unhealthy. Especially now when I am going to divorce him. I have paid for everything. The rental home when we moved here. I paid off the land and paid for my husband's dream house to be built. I tried finding work out here at first but it is impossible. My MIl is a mean person. What am I doing here?

So, what to do? My husband pretty much has gotten everything he wanted. Me? Well, he provides for me financially and that's about it but he's also very cheap. What do I do? My mother always puts words in my mouth, doesn't listen and I just have never really stood up to her until recently because she throws everything out of extreme proportion. She called me a liar, dumb and said I was going to pay "for what I said?" What did I say, for crying out loud!! I simply asked her why she called my husband a two-faced son-of-a-***** two weeks ago and now wants to dine with him and gets insulted when he doesn't... and he doesn't want to eat with her. He thinks she's mean and doesn't like her. I try and give her the benefit of the doubt, she's lonely and have tried so hard to be her friend but it's impossible. She simply has never liked me I think because I remind her of her father. I haven't been the best daughter but I don't think I deserve this kind of treatment. My sister is the executor on the estate and lives 10 miles away from my mother. Why isn't she doing anything? Why is it always Craig?

There's more but this has gotten to be long. I really need some advice.
I see a psychologist on Monday. I saw a psychiatrist a few weeks ago and she threw SSRI and sleeping pills at me. I feel trapped! and I'm so scared.

[Skeezyks]

Hello singular: I'm sorry I don't think there is much of anything I can offer in the way of advice here. However I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... to PsychCentral! Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support.

In the meantime, here are links to some articles from the PsychCentral archives on how to survive a divorce. Perhaps something in them will be of some benefit:

https://psychcentral.com/lib/reduce-...-of-a-divorce/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/therapi...h-tough-times/

https://pro.psychcentral.com/exhaust...-a-narcissist/

Also, with regard to your leukemia diagnosis, PsychCentral has a sister website... "NeuroTalk". The members there have a lot of first-hand knowledge with regard to a variety of physiological / medical conditions. So, depending on how things are going for you in terms of your medical concerns, you might wish to take a look at the NT forums as well:

https://www.neurotalk.org/

I wish you well...

[Crazy Hitch]

Firstly, I am really sorry to hear about your diagnosis

This seems a really complex situation that could take a while to "untangle" or so to speak.

I am glad that you are going to be seeing a therapist. When I saw one through some really rocky times, she helped me, bit by bit, begin to mend things in my life that I needed help with.

It's not going to happen overnight, but as the saying goes, if you chip away slowly at it piece by piece, it can get better.

Your mother is old and probably is saying a lot of things that she shouldn't be saying that are hurtful. I'm not sure it would be even worth you bringing things up with her. She could have some neurological things going on due to her age, I don't know. But I can see her as being the type of person who will get defensive and deny wrong doing. It's not that you're "letting" her get away with some of her unwarranted behaviour, it's just that you're going to rise above her hurtful comments, acknowledge them in your head, but don't speak them with your mouth to her if it's going to make the situation worse.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. I'm also sorry to hear about your diagnosis. I'm glad you are seeing a psychologist. You need to do this for help and support to get things straight in your mind. It would also be helpful in helping you move forward. I wish you the best.

[singular]

Thank you everyone for your advice and support. I wrote the initial message four months ago. Since then nothing really has changed except my mother and I are "on the surface" getting along. I try desperately not to react to some of the things she says. I have learned quite late in life that the discipline of not-reacting is one of the hardest things to do. My husband and I are separated. I don't think he's taking it seriously because he just goes along and does what he wants. Or maybe he is taking it serious and he never really did care. He was in "it" for monetary purposes. His mother and I do not speak. It's awful. I overheard a conversation between the two of them that tipped the top. Living with my husband is like living with a delinquent seventeen-year-old kid. We are separated but in the State where we reside it's legal to live in the same house and be separated. I really don't know what to do even now. I am trying to get disability but I'm really not that positive I will get it. I live in what is considered "a resort area" so employment is very limited, to say the least. I used to live in DC which and was practiced as a Patent Law secretary. There is nothing like that in this State. Retail is primary what one goes for here. I tried that but I soon learned that most of the jobs had a three-month wait for benefits and as soon as one got near to that date that person is let go. I guess what I'm struggling with is I REALLY resent my husband for moving us here just so he could be close to his mamma. I suggested townhouses in VA but he wanted a house. He had his mind made up a long time ago. Why did he buy land here in 1999 if he didn't plan on eventually moving? I don't know what was wrong with me back then. I think I was in a state of shock or something similar because my father had just passed away, my beloved sister committed suicide, and I had to file bankruptcy because of the drug habit. I just let my husband take control. Now.... fifteen years later I am awake. And I don't know what to do. My mother is quite wealthy but is both emotionally non-supportive and monetarily non-supportive. My sister who lives in the same State with my mother and was somewhat getting along with her has recently fallen out with her, meaning she calls her once a week to see how she is doing. I have come to realize that my mother is a narcissist. I have literally asked her three times for help monetarily and all three times were upsetting. The last time I asked is what broke the camels back. She knows that I am good with money. We had the same broker. My sister and I just cannot understand it. I would venture to say that she is cruel and stingy. My husband has retired and she still only counts on him. It's infuriating! I've contacted services that are able to come in and help her. However, my mother wants nothing to do with it. I asked her recently why she depends so much on my husband (soon to be ex) and she says "because it has always been that way." Am I the only one who thinks this is an unhealthy situation? She called me one day and wondered what my husband was doing over here, almost indignant that he wasn't there in VA. She has isolated everyone... from her yard help to her kids. I call her about twice a week and I have to take a tranquilizer before doing so. I apologize. This has gotten extremely long. I guess I needed to vent. So on goes the drama. The good part is that I now value laughter as a godsend! and a sense of humor. Thank you all for listening....