[NeedHelp104]

I am currently 20-years old. I have suffered from depression and anxiety since I was 14-years old.

For as long as I can remember, people have rejected me. When I was a teenager, I was a good, nice kid. I was helpful to others but unfortunately did not receive the same respect from them. My 'friends' I would hang out with at lunch and in class would routinely schedule things to do outside of school without me, and would even do it in front of me. Everyone at school thought I was a loser, loner which obviously contributed to my depression. I would want to talk to others but wouldn't be interested. They would say I am everything---stupid, weak, every name in the book you name it. It wasn't one person it was a group of people. It hurt me so much. Sorry for this rant, but I needed to add some background info that this was something that happened for a very long time. I was very much alone.

In College, same B.S. People love to compliment on my life, saying I have no life no nothing. I am still a loner. I'm not trying to feel bad about myself. Please don't think this is a pity party but a need to vent because no one will understand me then others on here who went through some sort of depression.

My parent's weren't very supportive. They would in some ways reinforce the harsh words I was told in school by others that made me feel alienated. For example, my father would say I am not strong, etc. My stupid brother of course has to add his B.S. in, say I'm not coordinated or lack complete athletic ability. Him and his dumb friends of course make fun of me for having 'no life'. EVERYONE says I have no life. My stupid mother on top of it has to add 'you have nothing' (in terms of social life) and told me once I looked like crap and to 'fix myself up.' I'm sick and tired of this B.S. and feel like I'm never enough. I'm tired of people judging me. I understand as a 20-year old male I am not the strongest alpha-male on the planet; however, I think I deserve some sort of damn respect.

It just sucks. My parent's are not bad people---they pay for things I need. However, I know they judge me and I hate it so much.

Over the summer, I was prescribed an antidepressant that worked wonders. I was interested in things again that I haven't been interested in years. My parents noticed my changed behavior. However, they never questioned what caused my depression and that makes me more furious. I wanted to punch them in the face because they didn't seem to care at all. I think I will forever hate them for that.

Sorry for the rant, guys. Emotionally, my parent's weren't there for me. They made it worse if anything. For monetary support, they were there. If it was my choice, I'd rather have the roles reversed: parents who were there for you emotionally. If they struggled financially that was OK as long as they didn't judge me.

I just feel like I'll be alone for a while. Everyone on facebook seems to have 10,000 friends, a spouse, a significant other, on vacation, whatever. It makes me feel really low.

I apologize for the HUGE rant guys. I hope you can understand. I've just about struggled emotionally my entire life, and I don't think it ever ends. Good days and bad days.

[eskielover]

Yes, getting tobthe foundation of the cause for the depression is important. You cant do anything to change the past but you can make choices that will change your future. Might be worthwhile gettongyourself into therapy. DBT is good fot teaching skills & chsnging ones mind set & learning how to see the big picture in lufe using both ones ligical & emotional parts of the mind....also good at learning how to change past behaviors that cause problems in the future.

Yes, life is complex. Wish I knew at 20 ehat i now know at 64

Tough question here but how did all this start and why is it perpetuating? It is horrible the way you are being treated - especially that your parents would reinforce it. This all may require a hard look at yourself. Do you want to fit in? I ask because you are unhappy with the status quo. So consider then what changes you could make. I have recommended to others before that one should observe the mannerisms of those that are likeable.

[NeedHelp104]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Tough question here but how did all this start and why is it perpetuating? It is horrible the way you are being treated - especially that your parents would reinforce it. This all may require a hard look at yourself. Do you want to fit in? I ask because you are unhappy with the status quo. So consider then what changes you could make. I have recommended to others before that one should observe the mannerisms of those that are likeable.

I really appreciate this post. I don't think your question is offensive or harsh by any means. I am a quiet kid, so that is one factor. I'm not mean to anyone and I am not a party animal. I do mostly keep to myself because I haven't yet (unfortunately) met someone with the same interests as my own. I am a straight-A College student, so I am not a slacker. I take my education very seriously. I will admit I will study constantly without social interaction just so I can do very well on an exam. I need to keep a very high GPA (3.7+) to sustain my major, considering my major is a very challenging medical field and I can't risk not being accepted towards my intern year.

I don't go out, so that is one other factor. In my town, there really isn't that much to do. My parents pressure me to go clubbing---but by myself? I find it pretty awkward. I wouldn't really know what to do in that situation, haha.

I am healthy. I guess I am just not sure how to make friends? It's a lot harder to me personally.

Thanks.

Sometimes taking a giant leap and risk is what is needed. I was necessary for me to do this when I found myself on my own after 22 years of marriage. it was very scary. But I reaped the rewards. I have a great deal of acquaintances now and several I consider close friends. It does take a great deal of work to cultivate relationships and sometimes it can feel overwhelming.

I joined groups. Most libraries and grocery stores have bulletin boards full of news about local clubs, events, and gatherings. In today's world, Meet-Up offers a similar service in that it provides a great deal of opportunities to connect with others. Not just alike interests but opportunities to try something new. I have a number of acquaintances from the mental health community I have met through support groups and the local mental health association. And finally, I did gather up the courage to hit the bar one night. I met a few people and from those friendships grew a dozen more.

[All Is Revealed]

Originally Posted by NeedHelp104

I just feel like I'll be alone for a while. Everyone on facebook seems to have 10,000 friends, a spouse, a significant other, on vacation, whatever. It makes me feel really low.

Awwww. *Try* not to feel too bad about yourself. These same people who have 10,000 FB friends, and such "wonderful" lives aren't all that great. When you meet these people, you will realize they're lonelier than you think.