[DazedandConfused254]

I have a question that I wrestle with regarding my personality traits. Being an extrovert who loves people I value heart-to-heart relationships and my life is pretty much an open book, depending on the situation. Because of these personality traits, my closer friends frequently compliment me on my genuineness and vulnerability/openness, but now I am starting to question the validity of these encouraging comments. Recently I left a group of friends partly because all my friendships seemed on the surface, and there was no room to be authentic and help me figure out some of these life problems I have been dealing with, namely anxiety, self-esteem issues, and loneliness. Now I feel like no one values or has time for deep and meaningful friendships anymore; and no one seems to give a rat’s *** about me. When I try to tell the truth and be authentic, no one seems interested to seek me out or care about me. Often times not even my close friends understand me. I kind of feel crazy. It’s like the world has turned around and forgotten about me. Yes I understand I can’t spread myself out to thin with people. Yes I can’t pour my life into every person I know. My therapist has somewhat lessened these feelings and have tackled them directly. I feel like I don’t have an issue with making friends, as people have told me that I am very good with people. However, I still insecure about who I am as a person. Do people really value authenticity or vulnerability in relationships? Or am I just too offensive for anybody to handle? Are there really people out there who give a damn about me or sharing life’s struggles with me?

First of all you sound like someone I would love to be friends with! I am also extroverted and put myself out there. I believe the right people do value authenticity and vulnerability. How can I tell? Because they open themselves up to me right back. That being said I never know how people really feel about me because I don't care. I love who I am. So I would ask you if its possible you are misinterpreting things because you are self conscious. I would also advice you to keep working on your self esteem. Be the person you love first and foremost. Don't change for other people.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

First of all you sound like someone I would love to be friends with! I am also extroverted and put myself out there. I believe the right people do value authenticity and vulnerability. How can I tell? Because they open themselves up to me right back. That being said I never know how people really feel about me because I don't care. I love who I am. So I would ask you if its possible you are misinterpreting things because you are self conscious. I would also advice you to keep working on your self esteem. Be the person you love first and foremost. Don't change for other people.

Thank you so much, this is what I wanted to see. I just hope people value me for who I am, sometimes I just don't think there's all that much to like about me, but maybe I'm just internalizing myself a bit too much.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by DazedandConfused254

Thank you so much, this is what I wanted to see. I just hope people value me for who I am, sometimes I just don't think there's all that much to like about me, but maybe I'm just internalizing myself a bit too much.

and I didn't mean to send the question marks in my last post

Originally Posted by DazedandConfused254

Thank you so much, this is what I wanted to see. I just hope people value me for who I am, sometimes I just don't think there's all that much to like about me, but maybe I'm just internalizing myself a bit too much.

Of course there are things to like about you. Take some time to write down your favorite qualities about yourself. Anything and everything. Read that any time you feel in doubt. Self love comes first.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

Of course there are things to like about you. Take some time to write down your favorite qualities about yourself. Anything and everything. Read that any time you feel in doubt. Self love comes first.

Thank you so much again. There has already been some people encouraging me about with this same topic both friends and people on other forums, so maybe I am worth something.

[Little Moons]

It's cool that you open up to people. Like you, I'd like to have the kind of friendships that involve getting to know each other well over time. I was actually wondering myself if what I want is normal, and it makes me feel better to see in your post that someone else wants the same thing

[Little Moons]

You deserve a support system, and I hope you find people who will hear you out.

[avlady]

I also am a people person although there is one problem.. I live in a secluded area and miss people. the song saying about being a rock and not rolling is me. I sometimes make people in the outside angry or scared because i am so open of a person and they don't think i should talk to just anybody. I'm sorry but i do love everyone even before i meet them, although i do realize i have to be careful as there a lot of bad people out there, but i decide who i trust and who i don't.

[MickeyCheeky]

You're fine the way you are - and you're absolutely worthy of love.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by Little Moons

It's cool that you open up to people. Like you, I'd like to have the kind of friendships that involve getting to know each other well over time. I was actually wondering myself if what I want is normal, and it makes me feel better to see in your post that someone else wants the same thing

Man I’m so humbled to see this! My constant fear over the past year was that my personality traits are just too weird for anybody to handle, being open was the biggest thing for me, so that’s when all he internalizing came into play. Maybe thats what we all need in friendships. Thanks for reminding me we’re in this together!

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by avlady

I also am a people person although there is one problem.. I live in a secluded area and miss people. the song saying about being a rock and not rolling is me. I sometimes make people in the outside angry or scared because i am so open of a person and they don't think i should talk to just anybody. I'm sorry but i do love everyone even before i meet them, although i do realize i have to be careful as there a lot of bad people out there, but i decide who i trust and who i don't.

I will have to check that song out....
I am sorry to hear that but I thank you for sharing this advice with me. At least I don’t think I have a problem making friends but I definitely have run into some pretty nasty people over the past year also, like running into insincere friends and people who don’t respect my bounds, especially true as I failed at my first job. It’s a real break you guys care

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

You're fine the way you are - and you're absolutely worthy of love.

Thank you so very much! Thanks for letting me know I’m just fine like I am! You’re a true friend

[TishaBuv]

You are worth what you think you are worth. For me that value can be a struggle sometimes because of my inner critic.

[jcl76]

As another poster stated you are someone I would love to be friends with! Your traits include the ability to be vulnerable and open. If you watch the TedTalk from Brene Brown on vulnerability study has shown that is how to feel more free and have genuine connection with others.

I deal with the same thing as you but not as bad as my past. I tend to see things in black and white (good and bad). I like to create doubt. Ex. My friends dont understand me and dont care about me. Say to yourself. Maybe they actually do, but THEY dont know how. That doesnt reflect on you.

When I find someone who "gets it", then those are my closest friends. I cherish those. YOU have a great quality. I challenge you to write down 3 things a day that you like about yourself, even positive things you did that day you liked. Focus on those and when you tend to feel like you are bad, or thing low of yourself, that is simply you lying to yourself. I promise you are worth a lot more than you think.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by jcl76

As another poster stated you are someone I would love to be friends with! Your traits include the ability to be vulnerable and open. If you watch the TedTalk from Brene Brown on vulnerability study has shown that is how to feel more free and have genuine connection with others.

I deal with the same thing as you but not as bad as my past. I tend to see things in black and white (good and bad). I like to create doubt. Ex. My friends dont understand me and dont care about me. Say to yourself. Maybe they actually do, but THEY dont know how. That doesnt reflect on you.

When I find someone who "gets it", then those are my closest friends. I cherish those. YOU have a great quality. I challenge you to write down 3 things a day that you like about yourself, even positive things you did that day you liked. Focus on those and when you tend to feel like you are bad, or thing low of yourself, that is simply you lying to yourself. I promise you are worth a lot more than you think.

Thank you so much for this wonderful message. I feel loved knowing that you took the time to remind me that openness is very much valued, and that it’s not a sign of being crazy. Maybe I just didn’t find the people who accepted this trait until now! I will look into applying this advice in my friendships and my journaling time, as well as checking out that talk!