Online Dating: A Nightmare or a Good Way to Meet People?

I had the same thought as purple violet and even looked up where you at. Dang it. No where near me ugh or we’d have fun

The three of us out together, maybe Divine? Watch out world

Haha I agree. Three musketeers!

All for one, and one for all

You two are too cute! What a thought! How fun would that be?!?

So.... lo and behold and a BIG surprise to me. I met someone that I like.... granted, I do not know him well enough and there is much more to get to know about this man, I am well aware. But we met up last night after a week of lots of chatter about mutual music interests and bands... he came with me to my local music scene to see a band that I love, and he loved it!!!! We danced the night away together and had a total blast. He said I was loads of fun to hang out with. He's very cute too AND yes, he has a job! LOL.

So, I am on a bit of a high right now after my fun night out with this guy. I am truly surprised to have met someone I click with so quickly.

And granted, so far we have mainly related on our musical interests... but we have both seen the same concerts over the years with all the same bands, and he was remarking over the fact that we've been together at all these shows and never crossed paths until now.

So, I am going to take this slowly and not get invested emotionally unless I see that there is a reason to. So far, it's just been fun and lighthearted....

I do worry that once I say I am living with my parents right now that he will run away.... but that would show what kind of person he is if he judges me for that.

I also worry about disclosing my mental health issues, which I wouldn't disclose for quite some time until I really know someone. But it's a fear of mine.

I'm getting ahead of myself, but these are the things I think about and worry about. I suppose if someone REALLY really likes you, these things shouldn't matter so much. My mental health issues are being treated and are under control, for the most part. I am not depressed and I am not overly anxious. And my living situation is temporary until I can find full-time work again and move out on my own again.

Anyways, I had sooooooo much fun!!!! THIS is what I was looking for out of this experience. To meet someone fun, that I can go out with and enjoy my music with.

So, I'm going to just see how this goes and will get to know him better. I need to know what is character is like.... slowly..... I will also keep talking to other people, but really, there's only one other guy I'm talking to right now that strikes my interest. This guy last night takes the cake over anyone else I've met so far. And since music is such a huge part of my life and my greatest passion, relating on this level is very important to me.

I came home last night and the one word that came to mind was WOW.

This is brilliant news. I'm so happy for you

Brilliant! I LOVE that word! Yes, it is isn't it? Thanks Purple, you're the best!!!

YOU'RE the best

AWWWWW!!!! HUGS!!!

Awesome! Have fun and enjoy it! Hugs!!!

Golden Eve, I am so happy for you for finding someone special!!

Thank you both!!!! I am having FUN!!!!! That's the whole point of it all..... is to just have fun. Yay!!!!!

So, I had a second date with this one guy last night, Joe. We seem to click very well and I really like him (given what I know so far).

BUT, I realized this morning that the logistics of having a more serious relationship with him are tough. =( Of course, we are nowhere near that level or stage, but I am thinking ahead of the possibilities, and it could be tough with him. He lives 45 mins away from me, an hour away from where I wish to move, and an hour away from my social/music scene. Plus he has FOUR kids, two of which are still pretty young, 9 and 7.

I have to figure out what I really want dating-wise and relationship-wise. Eventually, I want marriage and I don't' want to continue to waste any more time in dead-end relationships and I don't want to settle for anything less than what I really want.

I am keeping my options open and new guys seem to pop up regularly enough that have some things in common with me.

At the same time, Joe LOVES ALL the same as music as me, he has seen all the same bands as me, and I've never found that before.. this is something I've always wanted!!! To share a similar passion, and music is my greatest passion.

UGH. Why does dating have to be complicated?

One thing to keep in mind is that turning to dating sites and social media becomes addicting. If you are the type to get upset if a partner communicates regularly with other women then turning to dating and social media sites to find one may not be the best idea.

thanks, though I am still talking to other men, too. I've only had two dates with this guy, so I would imagine he is talking to other women too still. I don't expect him not to, unless we decide to be exclusive. That's all a part of dating, and I accept that. I won't commit to him either until it makes sense to and until I am ready to be exclusive.

What I meant was that in spite of becoming 'exclusive' someone who has been immersed in such activities is likely to continue to do so. Many people discover that the partners they met online remain connected with others they have met and even cultivate more despite a commitment. It often becomes an addiction and worse - an obsession. You need to decide now - before you immerse your own self in such activities - your boundaries you expect upon finding someone commitment worthy. This particularly ought to be so when it comes to your expectations and limits to internet behaviour. Basically what I am saying is that it is easy to become a 'player' on the internet and for a good deal many that will always be so - even if the individual wished to not be. It becomes a compulsion. You need to decide now if you are prepared to accept such activities in a future partner.

I think that this of course must happen, but not with ALL people on the Internet. I think you're making a universal statement and judgement based on the behavior of just some people. Not all are players. My sister met a wonderful man online and they've been happy together for four years. So, I am not going to assume that all men I meet are players.

I agree with this too. I've used online dating sites but when I became exclusive deactivated my profiles. Same with men. Not everyone who uses online dating is a player.

EXACTLY. That's partially how you know that they're serious about you, is when they deactivate.

I've had relationships from online before and that's exactly what we've done.... deactivate the moment we've become more serious and exclusive.

Most people are online these days. It's how many people meet. Many marriages have come out of online dating. So, I know there is hope for this method, although I know there's also a LOT of frogs to weed through. That's the frustrating part.. but that is true for dating in general.

I understand not all men can be described as I did above. Based on my own repeated experience though, those I have known others to similarly experience, and what I have encountered and read I am of the opinion that a great many do act in such manner - whether they wish to or it is a compulsion they cannot ignore. I just ask that you keep your wits and awareness about you.

I will, no worries, and thanks for the concern. Perhaps you met all the wrong kinds of men.

Honestly I personally wouldn’t focus on music tastes and what bands people like but on human qualities. I notoriously make fun of music my DH likes (cheesy like heck lol) but he is a wonderful person. I am an artist and my DH is clueless about art but he is learning about art and it becomes exciting to be involved in each other passions.

Living 45 minutes away is close by really. I drive an hour to work every day. It’s not like long distance.

Having young kids especially 4 would be a deal breaker for me as I am done raising kids. If it’s a deal breaker for you then I’d not go to more dates. No amount of music commonalities would change deal breakers

One thing to make clear -- music is my life! I live for music, so not having similar tastes is a total dealbreaker for me. I see live music at least 2-3 times a week!!! It's my lifeblood, so my dream is to find someone who will enjoy this with me! It's SOOO very important to me. Guess we all have different tastes and desires...

now that being said, his character is of upmost importance as well! JUST as important, if not even more important, than music and our passions!

Him having four kids is not a dealbreaker for me. I LOVE kids. Four is a LOT, but I could handle that. Now, I don't know if he ever wants to marry again..... but I may not be of the mindset that I absolutely have to get married. Finding a lifelong committed partner is the most important thing.

I don’t believe that staying on dating sites and keep looking is due to compulsion.

It’s due to not feeling serious or committed enough to become exclusive. Both DH and I cancelled (lost ton of money because we paid for 6 months and eharmony doesn’t refund your money) our profiles as soon as we both realized we found “the one”. There was no need to keep looking.

If a woman is dating men who continue being on dating sites and looking/dating others it’s not because they have compulsions but because they are not exclusive as they don’t consider said woman “the one”.

With the exception of some serial cheaters men (and women) stop looking when they find “the one”