[Tumbleweed/1]

My problem goes like this. My husband is obsessed with a pop singer. It has gone beyond simple admiration to the point where all he does is listen to her music, talk about her etc. etc. He dragged me to her concert that he had bought tickets for six months ago. I must have said a thousand times I don't like her, I don't want to go.............but I went with him on Saturday. Since the concert he has been saying things like "I think I've had a psychological breakthrough and I've been devastated since the concert"

He is a 52 year old man. This pop star is 23. The concert was attended by mainly teenage girls.

He was obsessed with another pop star two years ago. He has a personality disorder. I've known this for a long time but this being obsessed with young pop singers is a recent thing (last two years) I'm not sure how to react or what to do with this. Any advice? I'm about ready to leave him.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. Could he be having a mid life crisis? Is couples or individual therapy an option?

[Teddy Bear]

Does he still want to feel young? Sorry he's star struck

[kitties]

Are you familiar with the term limerance? I’m wondering if this applies as to his obsessions. I don’t know that much about it....but I am wondering if it “applies” and why it’s happening. This may sound odd, but it might be an issue unrelated to say, inappropriate infatuations taken too far for reasons unrelated to your relationship.

That said, please understand that I’m not condoning his behavior and I’m not qualified to advise you. You deserve better treatment, much better. I’m wondering if a therapist can work through why he has these obsessions...maybe he’s just being a jerk OR maybe it’s an issue of his manifesting in this inappropriate behavior.

I thought of the above as he automatically switched to a new celebrity to obsess about. Like they are interchangeable widgets...if you both want to try and salvage the relationship, I think individual therapy and couples counseling is needed.

Perhaps I’m thinking about this too deeply. I just wonder if there is an underlying mental illness he can be treated for or if he’s not ill, then a good therapist could help figure it out and guide him in resolving it - and then the compulsions end.

If he isn’t willing to get help...it’s moot and I am sending positive thoughts your way. I know this would not be something I could condone.

[kitties]

I missed your sentence about a personality disorder. Do you think his obsessions are related? Perhaps he needs to just wake up, smell the coffee and STOP.

Do you think it’s within his control to stop?

[Tumbleweed/1]

Originally Posted by kitties

I missed your sentence about a personality disorder. Do you think his obsessions are related? Perhaps he needs to just wake up, smell the coffee and STOP.

Do you think it’s within his control to stop?

I don't think he wants to stop. He has borderline personality disorder and is maybe bipolar but we are just speculating here as he refuses to see a doctor to get a proper diagnosis. He blows hot and cold constantly and I am constantly walking on eggshells around him never knowing when he is going to blow. This whole obsessing about young starlets is a recent thing. The last two years or so. Maybe partially mid-life crisis but I believe it runs deeper than even that.