Sister-in-law problems

My younger brother has been married for a few years now and I've always gotten the impression that his wife doesn't like me much and my mom, dad, and sister see it too. Thing is, none of us have any idea why she has a problem with me. It was really only a minor annoyance to me because I didn't really care if she liked me or not. I know I'm a nice person and I don't need her approval.

However, a year ago they had a baby and I became an aunt for the first time. I was SO excited! They live next door to us (I rent the upper floor of my parent's house) so I was glad I'd be able to spend time with her. When my SIL went back to work in February, her mom started babysitting in the mornings and my mom and I babysat in the afternoons. I couldn't help much until a few months ago because I had a back issue and had surgery in June.

In September, I was fully recovered from my back surgery and began going down to help my mom with my niece almost every day. We had noticed that the few times my mom couldn't be here, my SIL asked her mom to keep my niece all day or she stayed home. Never gave us any reason why she didn't want to leave me in charge.

Last week, my mom let them know that she had a meeting and wouldn't be home until around 3pm, but that I would be here. They said that was fine. My niece was supposed to be dropped off around 2pm. I was downstairs and had everything ready by noon since I had laundry to do anyway. I saw my SIL get home for lunch about 1:50 so I figured she'd be here by 2:20. I waited. And waited. My mom got home around 3:15 and asked why my niece wasn't here yet. I said I had no idea, and that they had been home for over an hour. My mom texted my brother and asked why my niece wasn't here yet. He said he would let his wife know my mom was home so she could drop my niece off.

When they got here, I told her that I had been here waiting for them and my SIL just glanced over at me and then kept talking to my mom. I am so incredibly angry and hurt. My mom and my sister are also extremely angry. None of us have any idea what the problem is. Even if she doesn't like me for some reason doesn't mean she can't leave my niece with me. I've worked in day care, was going to be a foster parent when my husband and I were still together, and have worked with children. I'm hardly unqualified. My niece loves being with me.

Sorry this is so long. I'm just completely frustrated.

Sometimes in-laws just don't get along. Who knows why she doesn't like you. Hopefully she'll come around

What a horrible shame.

My former SIL seemed to have a problem with me and the only thing I can think of is that she discovered I had placed one of her babies in a high chair (briefly). she was livid that I had restrained the boy and from that time on never left me alone with any of her children and acted too as though I never existed. It wasn't like I had abused the child or even done anything socially unacceptable but we obviously differed on child rearing philosophy and this I assume is what made me persona non grata.

It definitely seems like she has some sort of issue with you, at least when it comes to leaving your niece with you. How is your relationship with your brother? Is there anyway you could pull him aside and ask him if he has any insight as to what the problem could be and possibly help to resolve it?

I hope you are able to get whatever the problem is resolved quickly.

We finally got the reason out of my brother. He said she doesn't trust me alone with my niece because I "take medication for stuff". So, basically, it's stigma about mental illness.

That's really unfortunate and a stupid reason really. But unfortunately it's her child and she gets to make the decisions. I'm sorry this is happening to you.

Seesaw

Ouch.

A shame your brother is unable to convince her you are okay.

Shunning someone for taking mental health medications is prejudice. I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

Here is the email I sent her today (L. is my niece)

I completely understand that you have the final say as to how L. is raised and with whom she spends time and I respect that. However, it isn't possible for me or anyone else to abide by your wishes if we don't know what they are. I was never informed that you don't want her to be alone with me. When you were told that Mom would be late on Tuesday but that I would be here, you could have told her that you'd prefer to wait until she got home to bring L. over. If I had known that I wouldn't have needed to plan on taking care of her.

Please let me know what the parameters are in regards to my spending time with L. I love her very much and want to spend time with her so I need to know what is and is not okay as pertains to your rules. If you have any questions or concerns, feel free to ask. It would be much appreciated if you could let me know that you've received this.

I think that's a fair email. Regardless of her desires, she should have let you known you weren't going to watch her and she should not have ignored her when you asked her a question. Next time she does that, walk up to her and ask her directly to her face. Don't let her treat you poorly just because she does.