[PsychNitrous]

I live with my boyfriend right now, we've been together for like 5 years, living together for almost 2. We both have histories of depression, but mine is worse than his. I have dysphoric disorder with occasional major depressive episodes, plus PMDD. My boyfriend gets the occasional depressive episode, but it's not been very serious since we started dating.

Right now I'm going through a pretty rough period, trying to get everything under control. I know it upsets him to not be able to do anything about it, but this morning has me really worried. I woke up very depressed, couldn't even voice what was wrong when he asked. I was able to text him after he left for work. What I got back was a series of texts about how he's depressed too and hates his job and everyone there, and how he's only happy when he's with me.

My problem is that I don't think I can deal with it. I'm already so depressed myself, and I don't know how to help him. I want to believe that it's just because we've been under so much stress lately, but I don't know what I can do to help him when I can barely take care of myself. Any suggestions?

Do any of you see a professional, and if so, which of you and which professionals?
If you and your BF are dealing with this on your own, then it would be wise to use the aid of professionals.

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian

Do any of you see a professional, and if so, which of you and which professionals?
If you and your BF are dealing with this on your own, then it would be wise to use the aid of professionals.

I am seeing a counselor and working on getting in with a psychiatrist. He's tried therapy in the past and had bad experiences. That plus his lack of insurance keeps him uninterested. When I confront him about it he'll say it's not bad enough to need help anyway. I do plan on talking to my counselor about this when I see her next week.

Are you both on meds? If not, I highly suggest medications. It's hard to provide support sometimes when you yourself are also depressed. You could ask him how best to support him. He should be in counseling too. You cannot be his only support. Does he have a network of support otherwise? Some therapists will offer sliding scale fees, depending on where you are located in the world, so it can be cheaper. Since he is working perhaps he can afford cheaper rates. Good idea to ask your own counselor about how to encourage him back into therapy. He really needs this, I think.

[PsychNitrous]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Are you both on meds? If not, I highly suggest medications. It's hard to provide support sometimes when you yourself are also depressed. You could ask him how best to support him. He should be in counseling too. You cannot be his only support. Does he have a network of support otherwise? Some therapists will offer sliding scale fees, depending on where you are located in the world, so it can be cheaper. Since he is working perhaps he can afford cheaper rates. Good idea to ask your own counselor about how to encourage him back into therapy. He really needs this, I think.

I know he's very against meds. I'm on Prozac right now, trying to work with providers to get on an effective medication. I've looked into places that have sliding scales, and there's only one place around here. I'm not sure how to encourage him into treatment, but maybe my counselor will have some ideas.

Originally Posted by PsychNitrous

I know he's very against meds. I'm on Prozac right now, trying to work with providers to get on an effective medication. I've looked into places that have sliding scales, and there's only one place around here. I'm not sure how to encourage him into treatment, but maybe my counselor will have some ideas.

He sounds resistant to getting treatment. Being treated with meds and therapy is the main way to help alleviate depression symptoms. He needs encouragement on both. Yes, your counselor should have some good suggestions.

Originally Posted by PsychNitrous

I am seeing a counselor and working on getting in with a psychiatrist. He's tried therapy in the past and had bad experiences. That plus his lack of insurance keeps him uninterested. When I confront him about it he'll say it's not bad enough to need help anyway. I do plan on talking to my counselor about this when I see her next week.

Good idea

[objtrbit]

Hi there,

my lover and I are going through depression at the same time. So everyone's depression manifests differently, sometimes it can even work out being on the same frequency. This won't be a 'look on the positive side' post I swear, but I will say I am grateful that neither of us have the energy to do much else than work and sleep, he's not trying to drag me on outings lol.

So when you get depression, what do you need?
When he gets depression, what does he need?

worst case scenario y'all are clashing. I've had to depression-proof so much stuff. Like using a rice maker, one button and done. My friends know I can't talk that well or don't feel like it, so wonder if there's a way you and your partner could work something out in way of communication at least.

Most of my depressions don't need therapy, I just have to wait them out. I am also almost completely against anti-depressants and their whole slew of god knows what chemicals they're putting in them things, and how long they've tested the drug and on how many people. Sadness is natural, sometimes depression is telling you something, and you simply need to back out of certain stressors for awhile. I know in today's economy it might not be possible, which is stupid and society sucks, I wish there was a paid mental health leave. I refuse to stop dreaming.

Your situation definitely sounds complicated and hard, I think it's good to talk about how it's stressing you out, it's bad to be alone with these kinds of problems.