[bpforever1]

My brother who has not worked outside my father's business wants to come live with me- oh no!! I said I would help though. I am trying to be nice and hopefully he will find some work and move out. He is my brother but he has not been working for the past five years except for helping with our father's business. He is not a good person and selfish. However, he is my brother. I wish I could turn him down but he is family. He looks down on me because of my illness. But, this time I will take my medication faithfully and not argue with him. I've changed but wonder if he has. I like living alone but at times am lonely. So, if he could find work and make it on his own, I'd be happy for him. He is older than I am. I feel bad that he is not doing well. I don't think it is entirely his fault but due to my parents' abuse and lack of emotional support, he is a broken person. We don't have contact with other family members outside our family. We only have each other. So, I will do my best to endure his presence for awhile. May be he might do well with encouragement. I don't know. We shall see. He has some OCD and ADHD issues. But, he does not take medication for either. I might have to look after him for awhile. If he is too weird, no one will hire him. If this is the case, I will tell him to go home. I am not going to get mad at him but will try to tell him the truth and hopefully he will survive on his own two feet.

[Rose76]

What could possibly go wrong?

So, he's currently living where? With your parents, or with your father? And he wants to swap that for living with you? If it doesn't work out, you have the option of "sending him home?" Have I got the outlines of this correct?

At the very least, you're bound to learn something from this experiment. You and your brother don't like each other. He wants to basically use you. But you won't get into it with him, as long as you take meds? I like to know the name of these magic pills and get me some.

If he came to your door on a bitter, winter night and said, "I'm freezing and have nowhere to go." then I could see you taking him in. I would. But, if he currently has a warm place to sleep, then you might want to leave that situation undisturbed. You may be destabilizing him by giving him the option of leaving where he is at.

I gather he's wanting to leave where he is at because some aspect of his behavior isn't going over too well there. You're going to dislike it just as much. He doen't really want a real job. He probably can't handle it.

I went through something like that with my brother. I felt sorry for him because my parents weren't very nurturing of him. I will always feel sorry for him. Anyway I could help him, I would . . . and have. He is a broken person. On and off, he entertained some fantasy that he and I living together could both be better off. That all fizzled out. I think you're getting into a situation that will just lead to worse hard feelings between you and your brother. That's what happened to me.

[bpforever1]

Yes, I understand. I wish it were that easy. You see the apartment I am living in is not rented. My family owns it. So, telling me to tell my brother he can't come here is like, well, why don't you yourself move out then. He will find a job hopefully. If he does not, my parents will be livid. I do pay for the management fees here and am hoping he could share the cost. My parents are letting him come here. He used to have jobs but my father's business is all-consuming and my father is using my brother for his help and this has prevented my brother from seeking other jobs. My brother and I are broken people. Also, my brother is one who does well with encouragement. So, my plan is to be positive and encourage him. My parents do nothing but criticize him calling him names and hurting him. He has problems and so do I. I, of course, would rather live alone but I would need to find my own apartment if this is the case. We all have our own agendas.

Perhaps communicate your expectations to your brother (ie that you want him to get a job and help pay the expenses), and also communicate that you will help and encourage him, but he needs to do his share, and if he cannot, he will need to move back home? This way the expectations are clear and there is less resentment if he cannot uphold his end of the bargain.

[Rose76]

Ok, so let him move in with you . . . and see how it goes.

It sounds like you are willing to let him stay with you, but that is contingent on him making some changes. I'm not hearing where he has any real commitment to doing what you think he should do. Will you be supplying him with meals? Can you afford to buy groceries for two? Does he have any source of income at all?

You sound like a caring person. I do not think you would say that "he is not a good person" without some very solid reasons. I totally believe you that your parents are not a good influence on him and that he "is broken." At least you are managing and surviving. Living with you will probably not solve any of your brother's issues. It will get him away from the negativity of your parents, and maybe he will be happier . . . for awhile. I think that will be at your expense.

It's heart-breaking to see someone going down the drain. At this point, though, I think the only person you can save is you. But take him in, if this seems like the right thing to do.