[jcl76]

I have wrestling with a question is relationships and looking for clarity.

I was in a relationship for a year. We did split and worked on getting back together for about a month. She was too closed off and scared and finally she ended it.

Its tough because we both love another and in the beginning it was the best girl I have ever me and we were mutually strongly connected. Needless to say it faded. We are both in our early 40s, so as many we both have some fears which was part of the decline when it got real serious.

The question I wrestle with is, the ole say saying. "you were just not meant to be". I have a problem with that statement. Mainly because if you meet the one that IS "meant to be", the issues that caused our decline dont become a factor.

2 people love one another, and wanted to work, and its gone. She has now closed off the chance of making it work now....so I am hard time accepting the fact we were not right for one another. Esp after both of us wanted to get to the point of making it forever. So close but end the end it fails.

I just dont get it

[healingme4me]

Sorry to hear it couldn't work out.
Did she give any indication why compatibility wasn't there? I use that word in a relative way to her being closed off. Which to me, involves some type of communication gap.

I, myself, for instance, can seem to build some invisible wall, yet, oddly enough, for myself, it's more a matter of 'penny for thoughts' as an ice breaker. As well as, if I'm mustering/mulling over something that needs to be addressed yet I'm torn up inside about peacefully saying whatever it is, then I, myself, need to be heard without defensive posturing or with slapstick solution(aka fixing it).
That's where communication plays a large role and why I toss in the word compatibility.

[jcl76]

It was miscommunication for sure. We just talked (although getting back is still not an option), and understood what we misunderstood if that makes sense. There was a lot of assumptions based on our actions, not by communication. Our love languages are different played a large roll in it. We split and got back together and she just couldnt get passed the past.

We both love each other, love each others families, but for her she cant go back and risk feeling the hurt again.

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Sorry to hear it couldn't work out.
Did she give any indication why compatibility wasn't there? I use that word in a relative way to her being closed off. Which to me, involves some type of communication gap.

I, myself, for instance, can seem to build some invisible wall, yet, oddly enough, for myself, it's more a matter of 'penny for thoughts' as an ice breaker. As well as, if I'm mustering/mulling over something that needs to be addressed yet I'm torn up inside about peacefully saying whatever it is, then I, myself, need to be heard without defensive posturing or with slapstick solution(aka fixing it).
That's where communication plays a large role and why I toss in the word compatibility.