[hvert]

I met my friend 15+ years ago when we worked for the same company. Up until maybe 5 years ago we saw each other a couple of times a month. Now we are down to 2-3 times per year. I do the inviting. He is difficult to pin down. He will often not fully commit until the morning we're meant to meet, at which point he often suggests a slight change of plans.

After agreeing to meet for lunch this week, he's asked if I can pick him up from a repair shop. I'm so annoyed. The shop is not that far from the restaurant, but it's the middle of my work day. I told him that I only had an hour for lunch and he responded by asking if it was on the way. It's not.

I suspect he made the appointment and then decided it would be a fine time to finally meet me for lunch because he had an hour to kill. It's just so disappointing.

[Bill3]

And bring him back to the repair shop?

[Misssy2]

For whatever reason he seems like he is not engaged in your friendship any longer...Life continues on....If this were me..and I felt this dissappointment again and again...

I would just tell him regretfully his repair shop is out of the way from your place of employment and maybe another time...And I would not contact him again and hope for the friendship that he would contact me..and if not...I would just keep living my life.

Everyone is in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime...this was a season of your life..take what you learned from the relationship and use it going forward.

[hvert]

I assume he wants me to bring him back, yeah. It's the kind of repair where you normally just sit and wait because it doesn't take long. If I wasn't meeting him on a working day, it wouldn't be an issue at all.

He's just messaged again.

[hvert]

Originally Posted by Misssy2

For whatever reason he seems like he is not engaged in your friendship any longer...Life continues on....If this were me..and I felt this dissappointment again and again...

Thanks, this is basically where I'm at. I went back through old messages and see that just about every time we've met since mid-2016, I've told myself it would be the last time I tried to plan anything with him. And then six months later I do it again.

[Bill3]

You have a good heart, to keep giving him chances.

Maybe your heart needs to be overruled in this instance?

[hvert]

Thank you. It's just so discouraging to have to admit the friendship is over. I offered to take him on my day off and he said he already made the appointment. We agreed to reschedule in a few weeks. I won't reach out.

I met up with someone this weekend who was extremely late and who then requested a ride home, well out of my way. I say yes when I want to say no and get really resentful, it's not healthy or sustainable.

[LittleEarthquakes]

I hate that. I had a similar situation. I am not talking to her anymore. However, we had only been friends for less than a year.

[hvert]

I'm kind of at the point where I don't want friends anymore. It's too much work for too little reward.

It's good you recognise it's not healthy to keep giving like this, honestly if they are true friends I think they would understand.

(((Hvert)))

[Deejay14]

Do you think you might have to brush up on assertiveness...just a thought. Then you wouldn't get in the pickle of doing things you don't want which then grows to resentment.

[TishaBuv]

How about having lunch with him close to the shop where he needs to be. Heck, for a long time friend, you could bring sandwiches to the repair shop waiting room and talk to him about why he disappoints you and ask if he wants to stay friends. People get SO busy. They honestly do. It’s probably not his like or dislike of you.

[Crookedspin]

Hi, I'd like to put in a vote for considering telling this friend how you feel. I suppose that would require you to express vulnerability by saying that you feel hurt. And a defensive or denying reaction by your friend could be exasperating. But as at least one other person has said, the fact that this is a longtime friend contributes all the more to it being worthwhile to try. We men in general are not very good at this sort of discussion and friendship maintenance (I just took license to generalize wildly, I know--tell me it ain't true tho' lol). You may be the more sensitive/emotionally literate one in your relationship and you may need to "take the lead", as I have had to in particular inmy same sex friendships (I'm a guy). This is all speculation on my part, of course. The person you describe may not be worth it--he may be really thoughtless. But... I know that as I get older I have only regretted the times I let friendships go without trying to sustain them. Sometimes we have to be the one that tries a little harder, takes a little risk, in order to make that happen. Just some thoughts, I wouldn't claim to know what's "right" for you in this situation. I find myself really hoping that somehow things will work out for you, though.

[hvert]

Thank you for your comments and suggestions, I appreciate it. This was the second time he wanted me to meet at a repair shop. I didn't think anything of it the first time, happy to see him. This time, I felt insulted.

I probably will never say anything to him even if it makes logical sense and would be mature. I don't think I would get a straight answer, anyway. He's 100% different in person than he is when we are setting things up.